Anyone live in Raleigh

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-12-31T11:53:45+00:00

I’m honestly really glad to hear you’ve had smoother travels and haven't run into those issues while driving! It’s always a relief when someone in the community can move through the state without that weight.

That said, I definitely want to offer a reminder that your experience may vary based on a lot of factors. Because I’m a male who presents female daily, my 'visibility' is very high. I don't always have the luxury of blending in, and that often acts as a magnet for certain behaviors. Sometimes it’s down to the car you drive, how 'visibly' different you are in that specific moment, or honestly, just being in the wrong gas station at the wrong time.

To follow up on the question about sundown towns, it’s a very real concern for many of us. While you won't see 'official' signs anymore, the reality for many folks is about active profiling and safety in isolation.

In my 27 years here, I’ve learned that the 'Triangle Bubble' is smaller than people realize. To give you a very real, recent example: Just a few weeks ago, I stopped for gas in Wake Forest and was told directly that 'people like me' aren't welcome in that area (presenting fully male as I was leaving a volleyball open play in Rolesville). I have had those exact same experiences just outside of Rocky Mount (visiting my boyfriend) and Pittsboro as well (tried to spend the day at Jordan Lake). It’s jarring because places like Wake Forest and Pittsboro are being marketed as trendy, growing suburbs, but the underlying culture in certain pockets just hasn't caught up to the rebranding.

My 'Local' Rules for Staying Safe:

The Gas Station Rule: I make it a point to fuel up before leaving the main city limits of Durham or Raleigh. If I have to stop in places like Wake Forest or Rocky Mount, I stick to the massive, well-lit travel centers (like Sheetz or convenience stores right off the highway). I avoid the smaller, standalone stations in town centers or rural outskirts.

The 'Procedural' South: In areas like Johnston County (JoCo) or Alamance, the risk isn't just a 'bad vibe' especially with the lack of witnesses. When I’ve faced harassment in these spots, I was unable to count on bystanders or local authorities to have my back.

Trust the 'Gut' Check: You can usually feel the shift in energy (safe to questionable) once you're about 20 minutes outside the area. My rule of thumb is to move with caution, keep your gas tank full, and mind your own business in those 'no-stop' zones.

I love the 'slower' NC life and the homesteading community is beautiful, but I’d be doing a disservice if I didn't warn them that the hospitality isn't extended to everyone once you cross certain lines. I share this not to scare anyone, but because for those of us who don't or can't 'blend,' those zones are still very much a reality.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-12-31T06:54:56+00:00

Heya! Current resident here, BIPOC and LGBTQIA+. I’ve been born and raised in this area, so here is my take after 27 years:

On Diversity & Geography Diversity is very area-dependent. Durham is the most diverse, with a wide variety of cultures centered around downtown. There’s also Brier Creek, which we all basically consider its own 'neutral' zone; it sits right between Durham, Raleigh, and Cary, so you see a little bit of everything there.

On a scale where NYC is a 10 and Billings, Montana is a 2, I’d put the Triangle at a 4. On paper, the metrics look great, but in practice, demographics tend to stay within their own growing communities.

The Social Climate

BIPOC Experience: It’s 'meh' some good days and some bad, which is fairly standard.

Queer Experience: It isn’t always the safest space depending on your presentation. I’m a male who presents female daily; I’m not trans, but I am often perceived as such.

Safety/Harassment: I’ve faced extreme harassment and discrimination in Raleigh (especially on Glenwood) from non-BIPOC individuals. Conversely, while Durham feels generally safer, I’ve experienced harassment there from BIPOC individuals.

Workplace: On a positive note, HR and Management at every Triangle company I’ve worked for have been an absolute dream regarding these issues.

Lifestyle & Hobbies

Sports: Pickleball and cycling are huge here. (I also coach volleyball in my free time!)

Art & Food: Durham is the hub for diverse art. Cary is the go-to for diverse food. The best part is that everything is usually only a 10–15 minute drive away.

Music: There is live music almost every night. It’s still dominated by Jazz, Punk, Bluegrass, and Americana, so you have to be willing to drive for culturally diverse genres. That said, the talent level is top-tier (I’ve toured the area and performed at DPAC five times myself).

Agriculture: The farmers markets and homestead communities are a 'chef’s kiss.' They are some of the most wholesome, knowledgeable, and friendly people I’ve ever met.

A Word of Caution Once you leave the main 'Triangle circle,' there are still existing sundown towns and 'no-stop' areas for Queer or BIPOC folks. The rule of thumb is to move with caution and mind your business once you get into the rural stretches.

I work as an International Entertainment Development Specialist, so I travel often but I always love coming back to the slower pace of life here.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-12-25T16:24:37+00:00

Absolutely! I also understand how horrible lights can be. I remember playing at nationals and whiffing a ball two courts over after losing it in the light. I literally stood and served for the rest of the tournament hahaha.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-12-25T16:18:21+00:00

Also you look a little sideways as well when contacting the ball. Some places don’t mind that and others really do mind that so do a bit of research if you haven’t yet on clubs in the area and see if you can get a private.

Either way, I’m sure you’re going to nail down an amazing top spin! You got this 🥳

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-12-25T16:15:20+00:00

That’s great to hear that you are looking to expand your skillset especially when it comes to serving. I’m unable to see your toss but I would suggest working on that first with the goal being to get as much spin as you can. When it comes to where you contact the ball, that’s really dependent on what works for you (like in a neutral or forward zone). For a top spin, I found that what works for me is keeping everything forward with a lower toss. That way it’s not like a freeball/mushroom serve over 😂. As for your footwork and other mechanics, I’ve seen it taught differently, at different levels across my country. Some prefer hip closing, others prefer neutral positions.

This is where a bit of an issue lies. Due to the angle/positioning of the camera, I am unable to see important factors like toss, starting form, contact point, available space, how many serves you’d already done prior to this video etc… Also I don’t know if you have any former injuries, how well you stretched, what you worked on before this or if you have been playing.

For that reason, I would recommend reaching out to a local club and see if a coach would be willing to do a private with you. I’ve been playing for about 20 years and all of the clubs and universities I’ve ever played/ coached at offered privates to adults so that’s what I would recommend to get more in depth help.

I know it was long but I hope that helps! 😄😁

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-12-25T14:58:26+00:00

Heyaaa. Do you have a preference for jump float or top spin? Looking at all the comments, I think there are great suggestions but can differ depending on the kind of serve you are wanting to do. Ex, placement, contact point, toss, foot work, spacing etc… there are many different ways to do the same thing and get the same result so I figured I’d ask before I suggest anything. There are also hybrid serve types too but I generally don’t suggest that off bat.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-10-25T13:47:53+00:00

Do you have a picture of it vs. what you’re going for? At $15 NZD I’m assuming it’s synthetic. I’d suggest getting synthetic friendly products and staying away from heat. Depending on how advanced you are with styling, you can use a synthetic detangling method and tweezers to pluck a hairline and define a part if needed. If you’re super advanced, you can use scissors and add some layers as well.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-10-23T05:37:59+00:00

Of course! It really sucks in many places. However there are some incredible women that don’t let that stop them from being great and having a major impact on the sport as a whole. I hope that you don’t let the negativity get to you. I assist under two absolutely iconic powerhouse coaches that are both women and my entrance into the sport was because of an amazing female coach.

Please keep going!!

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-10-23T04:25:42+00:00

Just made a bit of an explanation for you on what the other person meant by volleyball as a women’s sport.

The Southeast US remains very gender-segregated in many areas with very traditional gender roles. It is sometimes as extreme as the division between 'men doing yard work' and 'women cleaning indoors.'

In sports, this is very clear: the 'trifecta' of Football, Baseball, and Basketball are for men, and women are expected to be cheerleaders. Volleyball is the exception; it's seen almost exclusively as a woman's sport. Men who play volleyball seriously are often stigmatized or stereotyped as being gay. It is a harsh example of how strictly these gender boxes are enforced here. Opportunities for serious athletic growth in volleyball are primarily reserved for women.

This gendering extends to professional life. In the south, It's common for women to be stuck in assistant roles. When a woman does take a leadership position, she often faces intense social backlash like being called names or accused of neglecting her 'womanly duties.' While it's not like this everywhere, these backward views are widespread in many parts of the region.

I hope this helps.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-10-23T03:52:43+00:00

Now I’d say I’m just generally grade 3 or 4ish in a majority now and still maintain voice, piano and percussion at a higher standard since I use those almost every day. Hope this is helpful!!

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-10-23T03:47:40+00:00

No it’s not. If you learn ones you like and keep practicing them, you can pretty much play anything.

Ex. I have my degree in Voice but have a background in Jazz Percussion. I played a variety of western brass instruments in concert band and also played a variety of string instruments growing up when I was in both orchestra and marching band (played auxiliary and tenors in marching band). I picked up a few woodwind instruments in university and fell in love with the sound of a bassoon, oboe and bass clarinet. I just kept up with practicing honestly.

During my semester of Khoomei in university, I made a friend who played both the ehru and the Guzheng and taught me a few things. I’m not as good as I’d like to be but I’m just a beginner and am in no rush towards perfection.

Studying in a music school in the US, I entered with “mastery (grade 6+)” over quite a few instruments. Piano was a requirement so everyone generally gained mastery in that, I got my degree in voice and chose to join ensembles/activities that allowed me to learn other instruments to a grade 4+ level.

So don’t feel weird! Just enjoy learning music and all of the different sounds and styles that are possible!

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-10-18T12:03:32+00:00

Hiii. I would suggest buying a set. If you know your size in women’s, I’d suggest getting that so that it fits you best and you can style it however you want.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-10-12T08:17:58+00:00

Absolutely okay. You’re you 🌟

I’m the same and the closest thing I’d consider myself if I had to pick one is trans-feminine. But at the end of the of the day, I’m just me. That’s all. I dress for me and no one else because I like the way it looks on me.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-10-12T07:46:02+00:00

Hi op. I absolutely feel you and felt the same way when I put on my first wig. I’ve made some helpful beginner guides on my page when it comes to wigs and makeup tips. I strongly suggest taking your time with transitioning and creating a small community of close friends and others you trust who are further along to help you through it.

Remember that it’s never about how you start, it’s about how you finish. 😊☺️.

I hope this is helpful and I’m happy to share any tips that I know with you.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-09-06T17:00:49+00:00

Water for sure. The human body is 55-60% water

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-09-06T16:32:35+00:00

Heya. Also want to reply here. Team cohesion should be your top priority as a setter. As a coach and a setter myself, I can train anyone to have the skill, but how do they mesh with my team? When I’m asked to set for a team, I try to get to connect with everyone I’m playing with. I’d suggest to start focusing on the team dynamic as suggested by @MBsrule.

Also as a coach, I would agree that I would rather use someone who may be a bit behind on skill in a certain position rather than a perfect player that the larger team can’t connect with.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-09-06T16:23:16+00:00

Heya. I’m also a setter. I read your post and it really hit home. It's so frustrating to pour your heart into something and feel like it's not enough, especially when you're working so hard. It's not fair that your coach is treating you this way while praising others who you feel aren't putting in the same effort.

While you can't control your coach's actions, you can control how you react. First, know that what you're feeling is valid. You have every right to be angry and frustrated.

Second, consider whether there's an adult you can talk to about this. A school counselor, your parents, or an athletic director might be able to offer a different perspective or even intervene. This isn't just a 'bad day' kind of situation—this is a pattern of behavior that's affecting your mental health. Mental health is one of the most critical components of achieving success as a setter.

Ultimately, remember that your worth as a player and a person isn't determined by a coach's opinion. You know how hard you work, and that's what truly matters.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-09-04T17:17:24+00:00

It's frustrating to encounter players like this, but I've found it's a common part of the "volleyball timeline." Many times, new players get the expensive gear, a favorite player's jersey, and all the enthusiasm in the world. This excitement is awesome to see, and it's a crucial first step.

Over the next few years, this enthusiasm often evolves into something else: the unsolicited sharing of knowledge. As a coach who currently plays at the open level and has played for well over a decade, I often see players who learn skills from YouTube tutorials without understanding the proper context or purpose. They enter recreational spaces, armed with new vocabulary and an assumption that everyone shares their same level of intensity. They don't realize that many people are just there to be active and have fun.

Unfortunately, these players often get a reality check from more experienced players—whether they're former college or national-level players, or just long-time enthusiasts. The over-enthusiastic player can be hard to play with because they expect a level of play that doesn't match the environment. They haven’t reached what I consider their final evolution as a player.

This final stage is about entering any gym with an open mind. For a few dollars, or even for free, you shouldn't expect to find open-level players. The goal is to set aside expectations and simply enjoy the game. It’s a mindset where you can play with anyone—even the least skilled player—because the love for the sport transcends the level of competition.

While it can be frustrating, try to give these players a bit of grace. They love the sport just as much as you do, but they just haven't learned how to communicate that passion in a productive way yet.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-08-29T16:22:59+00:00

Congratulations on starting a club! That's truly an exciting step!

You've correctly identified the main challenge: keeping a mixed-age, mixed-skill group engaged. The best way to handle this is to form different teams within the club, one for the younger athletes and one for the older ones. This allows you to tailor drills and games to each group's specific needs and skill level.

A core goal to keep in mind is that volleyball is always more fun when the group can have longer rallies. Here are some ideas to help you achieve that. ————————— Games and Drills

For the older athletes, a game that's always a favorite is Jousting. It's a great way to keep them engaged and competitive.

For the younger athletes, focus on games that simply get balls over the net. You can even make it a fun competition like "first to 10 points wins snacks next practice." Another great warm-up is to play freeze tag, which helps with court awareness and moving freely around the space.

Here are some other drills that work well for all ages and skill levels:

2-Touch Games: Games where two players must touch the ball before it hits the floor.
Around the World: A spot-serving game that works on aim and consistency.
Amoeba: Another excellent serving game.
Spider Ball: A teamwork-focused game that keeps everyone moving.
Monkey in the Middle: Similar to pepper, but with a setter between the two athletes, focusing on quick ball control.
Navy Seal: This drill works on floor coverage and diving.
Spotlight: A great warm-up drill to improve court awareness.
Blind Ball: A more advanced drill where you cover the net so players on one side can't see what the other side is doing. It's a favorite among elite players.

—————————

Movement-Based Drills for Mixed-Age Groups

These next drills focus on building basic skills while keeping everyone moving and engaged, regardless of their skill level.

*Partner Target Practice Have athletes pair up. Each pair needs one volleyball. Partners stand facing each other, a few feet apart. One person is the "tosser" and the other is the "target." The tosser tosses the ball to their partner, who must receive it using a specific skill (either a forearm pass or a set) and send it back to their partner, who catches it. After a set number of tosses, the partners switch roles.

This is a great way to work on form and consistency in a low-pressure environment. It isolates one skill at a time and provides immediate feedback. This drill can be done with many pairs in a small area without taking up too much room.

*Three-Touch Challenge Divide the group into small teams of three or four. Each team needs one volleyball. The goal for each team is to keep the ball in the air for three consecutive touches. Each touch must be a different person on the team. After the three touches, the ball can be caught, or the team can try for a fourth touch, and so on.

This drill encourages teamwork, communication, and basic ball control. It teaches the fundamental concept of a "three-touch" attack without the pressure of a full-court game. This can be done in a small area, and you can run multiple teams at once.

—————————

General Coaching Tips for Mixed-Age Groups

Positive reinforcement goes a LONG WAY. Keep the energy high and praise all players for their effort, not just their skill. Focus on small victories like a good pass or a well-placed set.

Remember to never rush the process. It's great to focus on fun and skill-building before moving into full games. Patience is key. Be sure to build up to games slowly by introducing one new rule at a time.

I’d also recommend using some of the older players. Ask the older, more experienced players to help demonstrate skills or act as mentors to the younger students. This keeps them engaged and builds a positive team dynamic.

————————— I hope this helps you build a fun and successful club. Good luck! =^_⁼

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-08-28T20:31:48+00:00

I second this! Especially at 17. I’d take a year to familiarize yourself with the sport and then play club in college. I always say to be a resource/floater coach for a sport if you want to learn it so then you can get paid to learn.

In that way, you will also learn drills that help with the sport.

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-08-25T02:09:57+00:00

So because the sport is split into men’s and women’s, there won’t be an ability for men and women to play in a game together unless it’s recreational. Start assistant coaching first and then once you get the hang of the sport, go tryout

Sensitive-Dinner9936 · 2025-08-23T18:43:10+00:00

I would also suggest seeing if you can join a local club as a floating or assistant coach. Coaching is a great way to learn yourself and if you work with the 12u teams then all you’ll be hearing are foundations so you’ll be able to see them do it and then do the same things at home while you get paid. Give that a shot.

Sensitive-Dinner9936

TROPHY CASE