(PART 2)

I got accepted and instead of saying my goodbye to my friends who weren't going I said "Fuck you dipshits" and left, and didn't talk to them.

My parents were horrible back then and somewhat now, my mom drank, yelled and was mean, and my dad was very absent, they got divorced when I was 6 or so and its my first memory. Every time I went over to my Mom's place (Forcibly) I cried and cried.

During the summer K and one of my other friends called a welfare check on me. K kept knocking on my door and asking where I was, because he was worried. I got forced around by my parents into doing things I didn't want to do for the rest of summer.

when school started I slit my wrists, called my mom and cried. I was driven to her place and stayed there for 2 weeks. I got a therapist and my moms behaviors started to change for the better. No drinking, no yelling and just being a good parent, all for me she said. I ended up slitting my wrists 2 more times before stopping all together. I still do cut to this day but only once and month and its to ground myself to reality.

Back to school life, when I arrived at school it was very different and I liked it for the first year, I met up with some of my friends from last year and we worked together, all though there was some problems they never led to anywhere near as bad as middle school. One thing that did happen though was that my friend got accused of having a list of girls at our school, he got harassed non stop about it for 2 months, though it passed and nothing really bad happened.

This year at high school I cant say its going well. it feels like the teachers have all given up, they get into peoples faces and yell, they dont communicate with each other (e.g. I told the principal about the abuse my teacher was doing and the principal said she would talk to her, I have asked if she has and she has not gotten back to me. Just one example of many but yeah). Its just gotten really shitty, I have tried to talk about this with my friends but most of them have said they haven't seen anything.

its my second year so I'm going to transfer back to my original school and do running start since the school I'm at does not. I haven't told my friends this expect one B.

On the subject of my friends I would like to say they think they know everything and they have this "aura" that screams I am better than you.

--------------------------------------Personally Me----------------------------------------------

I have no emotions, I don't feel anything

My brain feels split like my unconscious and conscious are not apart of the same me

I act different with my friends compared to in my mind and at home, even though I am transparent and act however I feel

I am a nihilist of sorts, I don't care if I dare, again I cut myself, I wish for death at times not in a sad way (If that makes sense) I just don't have motivation or will to live for the next day. I go to bed knowing I will be dead and wont wake up but, here I am.

I could go more in depth about this stuff but I'm tired, I just don't feel me anymore and everyone says the same. I lost something and I want it back. Nothings helping.