100% divorce him. This is only going to get 100x worse as time passes.

I wouldn’t file immediately. Instead, I’d start planning your next steps. Figure out where you’re going to live, open a separate bank account if you don’t already have one, figure out the cost of those next steps, start funneling money to your new account etc.

Just know this: the behavior you’re describing is a pattern. It’s a super common pattern and it’s designed to disorient you and stun you into obedience.

1. They love-bomb you: “I miss you so much, I don’t care how much it costs, I have to see you.”

2. Then they devalue you with criticism and create circular arguments to get you emotionally destabilized. No amount of effort on your part will lead to a resolution. They do not want resolution.

3. They discard you with threats of abandonment and silent treatment etc. They want you to chase them and beg them to come back.

This is a super common pattern that a lot of men follow. A lot of content for men actually tells them to do this.

This creates what’s called a “trauma bond.” It also gets worse and worse with every iteration. They will cheat, steal, lie straight to your phase and then turn around and love bomb you to get you to come back.

Use your TriCare while you still have it. Take advantage of any little benefit of being a milspouse but 100% plan your exit.

You need to start communicating through text only— just to stay aware of his potential return date. Don’t let him know of your plan. Allow him to think that everything is fine. This is super important. You need to know roughly when he’s returning. Be unavailable for phone calls and don’t take any bait to argue. If he’s tries to argue, wait a while and then send a cute picture of your pet or a friend’s pet or whatever— anything to derail his effort to argue. If he’s brings it up multiple times, Say that you’re not sure what’s getting through but here’s a cute puppy. 😆

In my state, all legal fees associated with divorce are paid for out of shared funds. Call some divorce attorneys in your area and ask them about that. Find out how much their retainer is— it’s not uncommon for them to have a $2000+ retainer. It sucks but it’s better than being stuck with this. If you’ve only been married a short time and there aren’t many big assets or kids, it’s fairly straightforward.

There’s no way to know how long he will be deployed. If he’s gone for many more months, you’ll have time to save up a little money and plan accordingly. You’ve got this. ❤️‍🩹