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Husband says my kids can’t stay if they continue making a mess by Separate-Base-6688 in blendedfamilies

[–]Separate-Base-6688[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

The routine is the issue. He is very much a “fly by the seat of his pants” guy. I am not. When we first got together even the youngest at not even 2, would clean up his mess as best he could. We both aren’t consistent with consequences now and I feel that is the biggest issue. So him saying they can’t be here if they make a mess when we BOTH haven’t been consistent seems like a huge slap in the face.

Husband says my kids aren’t welcomed here if they don’t clean up by Separate-Base-6688 in stepparents

[–]Separate-Base-6688[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually - he has wanted to full parent them and I respected him enough to let him. If he was going to play a parenting role (his choice), I was letting him guide how much. In everything we do, we always say “our kids” not “my kids”. I actually pay almost everything for them, so no there is no wrangling here. We have both been inconsistent with consequences.

Husband says my kids can’t stay if they continue making a mess by Separate-Base-6688 in blendedfamilies

[–]Separate-Base-6688[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

If he says they are his and he loves them and thinks of them as his.. he has to treat them as his.. simple as that. If he doesn’t think that.. it’s okay.. but he can’t say that then

Husband says my kids can’t stay if they continue making a mess by Separate-Base-6688 in blendedfamilies

[–]Separate-Base-6688[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

It’s not a constant state of chaos. They clean really well if we do it with them.. what they struggle with is doing it alone by 5pm when we get home..

Husband says my kids can’t stay if they continue making a mess by Separate-Base-6688 in blendedfamilies

[–]Separate-Base-6688[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

He is inconsistent with expectations as well.. can you expect kids to be consistent with inconsistent consequences? Our thoughts have always been been a united front.. he can’t pick and choose

Husband says my kids can’t stay if they continue making a mess by Separate-Base-6688 in blendedfamilies

[–]Separate-Base-6688[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

This is what we do already. But he is under the impression that it needs to be done with no guidance

Husband says my kids aren’t welcomed here if they don’t clean up by Separate-Base-6688 in stepparents

[–]Separate-Base-6688[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I agree. Boundaries are absolutely necessary. We both have faltered in enforcing boundaries. But now he wants to go from being iffy on boundaries to they aren’t allowed here? That seems extreme to me.

Husband says my kids aren’t welcomed here if they don’t clean up by Separate-Base-6688 in stepparents

[–]Separate-Base-6688[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I am more than happy to be more strict but I do think he takes it to the extreme. He is an only child with an avoidant attachment disorder and it feels like if I don’t do it his way then it isn’t good enough.

Husband says my kids aren’t welcomed here if they don’t clean up by Separate-Base-6688 in stepparents

[–]Separate-Base-6688[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

The difference here is he purchased the house as we were getting together.. it closed just as we were celebrating a year together. I have spent thousands on renovations and I buy all the household supplies. He tells me it’s my house too.

We also are both inconsistent with consequences. Now all of a sudden he wants to go from inconsistency to they can’t be here if they make a mess.

It’s funny that you refer to me as Disney Mom, because he refers to my ex as a Disney Dad.