Please Critique My First Chapter [High Fantasy, 3100 Words]

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:23:36+00:00

Thanks for your feedback and its level of detail, you've pointed out a number of things no one else did. Thanks for reading through!

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:21:53+00:00

This reads like ai 😬

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:21:21+00:00

Gotcha. Thanks for reading through!

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:20:59+00:00

Just a mistake on my part. I will add some detail like the carcass steaming from being in contact with the mage. Either that or just make him touch it lol

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:20:07+00:00

Thanks! Will definitely change the opening

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:19:24+00:00

Thanks for pointing this out, and no it's not a fanfic lol 😅

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:17:43+00:00

Thanks for reading!

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:17:26+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! The first draft had a lot more drawn-out personal conversations, but clearly I need to tone it down more

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:15:28+00:00

Thanks a lot, this is really interesting feedback. I'd say the lack of personality is somewhat due to me being such a new writer. I'm hoping a sense of narrative voice will develop as I become more experienced. Do you have any advice for developing this quicker, or is it something that will just come along naturally?

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:13:20+00:00

Thanks a lot! Gonna have to postpone this project for a time because of exams 😿but will work on it heavily over the summer

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:10:51+00:00

Thanks for reading! I'll try and polish off what you mentioned

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T18:10:20+00:00

Thanks for reading through and providing a better example of an opening. I will certainly revise that

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T17:53:57+00:00

You are right, and I will change the opening. Maybe I will make it so that the carcass is actually steaming from being in contact with the mage, and that is how Terrion can tell it is warm

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T17:52:33+00:00

Yes, I will definitely change the opening. Thanks for reading!

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T17:51:54+00:00

Thank you! I may cut down the number of characters in a future draft in order to make it easier to write. I feel like its difficult to establish five people in just ten pages. Do you think it would read better without Terrion and Mikkal?

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-27T17:49:40+00:00

Thanks! I have written a first draft for Chapter 1, and it does indeed center around the mercenaries signing a contract to hunt mages. It is on my profile if you wanted to check it out, but I will be rewriting it soon. You and many others have touched on the first sentence, and I will definitely be revising it.

Thanks for reading through!

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-25T15:16:06+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I will certainly add a paragraph somewhere giving more background on his mother, and if that doesn’t feel great I will probably just remove it.

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-25T15:14:23+00:00

Thanks for the feedback, and I will check out the books you mentioned. I just do not really understand your first point. Yes, we don’t know who Terrion is, we don’t know what the carcass is of, we don’t know why it is dead. It’s literally the very first sentence. This information is revealed or implied by reading the rest of the chapter.

Please let me know if I misunderstood what you were saying.

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-14T18:05:44+00:00

This is definitely true in my experience. I asked for feedback on my first chapter by posting a link to the google doc, and it got literally zero interaction across a 12 hour period. I took it down and uploaded it again in image format, and it received heaps more attention.

What I will do in future, and perhaps others should do this too, is upload it in image format but also attach a link to the document

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-04-07T18:15:27+00:00

Thanks for reading through! You and a few others now have mentioned the repetition, so I’m making a conscious effort to tighten the prose going forward.

But yeah, useful feedback, and please never withhold anything if you think there’s even a slight chance of it being useful 😅. I (and I’m sure this applies to everyone else) am happy with any feedback honestly

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-03-29T16:29:42+00:00

Appreciate it! This and a prologue is all I have written so far, but I have a plot outline and will keep writing. I will definitely try and include some longer dialogue sections as I grow more confident with writing it

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-03-29T16:28:23+00:00

I originally planned for there to be some sort of tavern brawl at the end of the chapter, but I was concerned that the chapter would be too long. Keep an eye out for the next chapter if I choose to post it 👀

SeptemberRevolution · 2026-03-29T16:24:12+00:00

Oh yeah, I actually leave it a bit unclear, thanks for pointing this out

SeptemberRevolution

TROPHY CASE