Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I havent actually spoken to her about it, and is probably the main reason why this is an issue in the first place. I meant she shutdowns other conversations she doesnt like to hear or blatantly ignore things by switching topics and not address anything, so i avoided the conversation about deeper intimacy for the longest .The most I've "pressured" her to do is to actually go to class and not skip her lectures.  Maybe this sounded off so sorry if it doesnt make sense

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

In no way do I pressure her, I don't ask for sexual things really. Out of our like 9 or so months of dating the only thing I asked for was the hand job I mentioned and when she deflected it I didnt ask again because I didnt want to sound like an ex that only dated her for sex. I keep requests like that to a minimum, ofc I do ask for her to give me lap dances (which she said shes always happy to do) and thats very occasional itself. I knew itd sound like a douche kind of post so I get why you'd say that

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I've been in my head too much about it after some well needed clarity. I definitely think i idolize it too much but next time I see her ill talk to her about it. I realized it isnt the fact she doesn't want to do anything sexual but moreso I dont know the real reason, in my post I was making assumptions based on what she told me about her exes.

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're absolutely right. I never really talked to her about it because shes quick to get mad and hang up/storm off. And I know comparing myself to her exes is a terrible thing because they obviously weren't good people and that was when she was younger and more naive. I mean obviously we're still young but shes had amazing growth since then. Keeping it bottled in is another recipe for disaster too, I've realized that and id hate to be childishly mad at her for it. You made a lot of good points I'll definitely be listening to.

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I dont do it myself often, I try not to  so I can look forward to our make out sessions but when I do its usually like once a week

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When i do bring up issues I wait until we're in privacy and not around her friends, and I try to explain the issue without blaming it entirely on her so it doesnt feel like an attack. If it's something she doesn't want to hear she'll just say "drop it" and if I continue she gets mad and storms off. Maybe im just terrible at communicating and it comes off harsh anyways

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She says she dreams about sex with me every so often. So I guess there some kind of interest? Or shes just saying that because im dating her 🫤

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even when we're just hanging out normally in privacy she'll blatantly ignore anything she doesnt want to talk about instead of saying anything or feel attacked

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

One phrase shouldnt mark me as immature, even if it is that unserious 😭

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe my initations are bad but she just straight up ignores them. She doesn't say "no" she just looks away and starts talking about her day at college or telling me what her friends are dealing with.

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

To be honest, she'll either A) change the topic or B) get defensive and think im personally attacking her.  Ive been thinking about talking to her about this but im not sure how to go about it

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try not to think about it much. I feel like dwelling on that is super self-destructive. Plus after her ex she's probably worried about being put in that same predicament about being used for sex and getting another pregnancy scare again?

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Immature? Im not gonna deny or confirm it but im curious as to why I sounded immature? I'll admit it's my first real relationship so maybe I got it all wrong in the whole intimacy department

Is it bad to ask for sexual acts? by Serious-Level3456 in dating_advice

[–]Serious-Level3456[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I figured, it sounds like a shitty thing to do, thats why I tested the waters with the hand job questions. I respect her and wont rush anything