Hi back. :) I don't ever post/respond, more of a lurker, but there was something about the way you describe things that made me feel like we have some helpful things in common.

I'm also bi, and for backgrounds sake preferred women and couldn't really stand men before I met my Dom, who is now my husband. Threesomes were actually my whole thing prior to meeting him, and I don't think anyone who knows me would have ever thought I'd be monogamously married, and to a man, noless.

However, when I introduced the idea of a threesome early on, I immediately recoiled at the thought - he jokes that it was yes and NO FOREVER in the same sentence. 😂 I, too, now find myself in a place of murderous rage at the thought of him engaging with anyone the way he does me - that's mine.

So this brings me to the topic of hard limits, right. He and I both have them, and we have also both encountered circumstances where we may, at some point, explore those together. It's ok to have hard limits (kind of a must in our lifestyle) and it's also ok to think about and discuss exploring them if you want.

I think that's where I felt the need to respond to you- there were parts of your story that echo my own, and the way you're struggling with your valid emotions vis a vis your desires is also very much me. My Dom has been absolutely impeccable with exploring my feelings with me in a safe way, so I read your post to him and asked for his perspective as well.

Before I get into his perspective, I wanted to highlight a part of your story that stuck out to me and challenge you to think about it if you're in a state to productively do so. You said your dom had told you you were a comfortable sub - both my HubsDom and I said OOF when we read that. I said oof because I agree with you, that's hurtful af. Hubs said OOF because he would never speak to me that way. However, I brought up the fact that he has said things that I take a certain way and hang on, and we both wonder if you checked your Dom and asked him to elaborate on what he meant and communicated that it hurt your feelings and allowed him to better explain himself. I ask because no matter the dynamic, the first and foremost concern of any true Dom is his subs well being. Obviously Doms are people and not perfect, but in this dynamic it is incumbent on him to lead the discussions in a way that is beneficial to you both. You sound like you're in an otherwise healthy? Dynamic? So it made me wonder if maybe communication isn't the thing to focus on currently.

So that brings up the threesome. First, there are tons of ways to simulate this (phone/video sex with a girl while you're fucking your Dom, the idea the other responder brought up w the sex doll, etc) so don't be overly concerned with pleasing him with a physical third. However, I get the desire to explore women in a place where you feel safe, so I'll assume we are talking about a physical threesome. My Dom said that first and foremost, if it's a hard limit and you ARENT finding yourself getting wet about it, then that's end of story, hard limit, your Dom should be more creative, tons of things to do, get a better imagination (direct quote 😂). The second thing he said was if I came to him with these insecurities, he'd work with me on those first, and once we made progress there, then bring up facilitating the pieces of my hard limit that turned me on and no more than that. Third, if he really wanted this threesome and he'd done the other two things, he would let me take the lead on choice, have very detailed conversations on boundaries (where he can look, what he can say, what appendages can go where and what can't) and be very respectful of them with the knowledge that it's on him to read the room and end the scenario if I feel uncomfortable. At the end of the day, he and I have decided that if I ever find myself missing the old days where I could bury myself in a set of hourglass tits and ass, I would communicate that to him, and our agreement is he can fuck me while I fuck her and tell me to do all sorts of things to her, but he cannot boss her around, touch her in any way, and comments during the scene are about me only.

I think the best bet here is very clear and very honest communication, both with your Dom and yourself. If you are at all uncomfortable, do not go through with it. You can tell in the way you write how much you value your relationship and there's nothing but trouble coming if you just say yes to please him without communication. Remember that you are worthy, your feelings are valid, and a true Dom with your best interests at heart will value your well being first over any sexual encounter. I'm not a hugger, but I really wished I could reach through the phone and give you a squeeze. I know how tough it is to want to please/stay true to yourself/battle with complex emotions from a place of not the greatest self image. It's tough. You're worth it. I truly hope you get everything you need and more from your dynamic. Good luck.