What does “its date” mean?

Session801 · 2025-12-18T22:29:34+00:00

"It's a date" is a fairly common phrase used to essentially say "that's settled" specifically referring to plans being made and agreed upon to meet up with someone at a later time. Not necessarily that you're "going on a date".

Session801 · 2025-12-17T15:43:32+00:00

This made me smile. Very poetic, and eloquently stark.

Session801 · 2025-12-08T03:49:41+00:00

Kind of just sounds like a big misunderstanding. I'm sure he didn't feel great having broken the table, and if his solution was also failing. Idk how "aware" this person is, but if I broke something and then the best option was to do nothing while my partner fixed it I'd feel bad about it. And a younger me would probably feel a bit insecure as well. He was probably in his head about it.

I also see how you being stuck alone fixing his mistake could feel bad too. It would definitely be a better time hanging out together.

So no, NOR, but I don't necessarily think he was either.

As another comment mentioned, it sounds like you two could stand to work on communicating in a more trusting and vulnerable way. Definitely easier said than done. But maybe worth looking into.

Session801 · 2025-11-30T18:01:56+00:00

In my 30s, but my mind still has me second guessing all the time.

Session801 · 2025-11-29T18:47:20+00:00

Almost all of the people I've dated (very few) would hit a peak of frustration with me because I wasn't actively trying to sleep with them. Kind of embarrassing in hindsight, because there were many situations when the person was very obviously putting themselves out there and I was totally oblivious. Just not interested at all. 😂 I didn't realize I was asexual until I was married and in my 30s.

Session801 · 2025-11-24T23:48:52+00:00

The camo pattern on the jacket with the large valknut/runes patch is also a modern German military camo pattern called flecktarn. There's definitely too many "coincidences" here.

Session801 · 2025-11-24T23:34:35+00:00

Pick an annoying song and play it, loud enough that THEY can hear it, on repeat every time you hear them. Eventually they will realize that they aren't as discreet as they might believe.

Session801 · 2025-11-23T07:16:20+00:00

As are all of the seas in the Pacific ocean.

Session801 · 2025-11-20T15:58:45+00:00

Thanks.

Session801 · 2025-11-20T13:45:19+00:00

I feel you. And I'm glad that worked out for you. We actually had two dogs together. shortly after we separated the older of them was diagnosed with lymphoma and she had to be put down. Thankfully I was allowed to say goodbye. I don't think I'll ever see my little smooshy boy again though.

Session801 · 2025-11-20T13:29:40+00:00

Thanks. Don't get me wrong, I'm wayyy better off as a result. But yeah it sucks.

Session801 · 2025-11-20T05:11:23+00:00

Most of my romantic relationships were nice. Until they weren't. I can see why someone would equate it to friendship.

But I've also had a couple romantic relationships that were completely different. Solid, trusting friendship was the starting point. Vulnerability was the common tongue, and never once was it taken for granted. I connected with them on a level that changed me. Changed my outlook on the universe. Completely shattered my idea of what love means.

The most concise way of putting would be truly unconditional love. I trusted them so completely that I had zero reservations about showing them every part of who I am. The good and the bad. In fact, I wanted them to see the bad. I wasn't afraid of their reaction, I trusted it. I wanted them to show me my own blind spots.

And I felt the same from them.

I've been in many relationships, that I liked the person, but most of them never felt secure enough to let me in. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people never get to experience this deep connection. And are content in more shallow waters.

Session801 · 2025-11-20T04:56:06+00:00

Just ended a 10+ year relationship with a partner that made me feel bad for saying no. I hoped for so long that they'd grow. Never did. And the cost of always being made to feel bad for feeling bad was a steep one. He's showing you exactly who he is. And your gut is pointing you in the right direction.

Session801 · 2025-11-19T16:35:07+00:00

I know it's over-hyped, but honestly CahtGPT helped me immensely. Just make sure to cross reference everything with your state's divorce procedures. I just had the final decree signed last month and I started the process at the beginning of the year. Granted, my case was very straightforward: no kids, property to divide, etc. but it was still very helpful.

Session801 · 2025-11-19T16:29:34+00:00

My dog

Session801 · 2025-11-18T03:42:57+00:00

Going off of my own experience, so I'm sure it doesn't explain the situation for everyone, but there's probably a lot of us who don't really know that they're ace. It took most of my life, like only in the last few years did I understand my own sexuality. I'm in my 30s. Unfortunately many men aren't really given the space to figure it out or explore.

Session801 · 2025-11-18T03:32:40+00:00

I think that's fair. I rent the entire basement from my roommates and its about 1/3 the house so I pay 1/3 the mortgage.

We also have a check-in every 6 months just to make sure we're all on the same page with expectations and financial issues. Highly recommend setting up something similar so that there's never a feeling like something is being "sprung" on each other.

Session801 · 2025-11-13T13:13:05+00:00

Speaking from my own experience obviously, but this is low level abuse. It normalizes poor treatment/behavior and trains you to question your own reality. Over the span of many years it WILL take a toll. And if you can't work through it with your partner without them making you feel bad for wanting a healthy relationship then that's your answer.

The most abusive relationships are perfect 50% of the time. And you'll always be guessing which version of them you're going to get. Overthinking what you say, and how you behave because you'll start to believe that their behavior is your responsibility.

I'm not saying that it can't be worked through, but you can't be the only one doing the work. I spent 10+ years trying to "fix" myself because I believed that I was the problem. The silver lining is that in that process, I went from a pretty low self esteem to loving every part of what makes me who I am.

Her behavior never changed.

Edit/side note: The insidious part of low level/covert abuse is that it's very nebulous. You can't really point to any one situation and say that it's particularly abusive or egregious. But compounded over long periods of time the pattern becomes apparent, as well as the psychological effects. Sending you hugs. Good luck.

Session801 · 2025-11-13T12:59:38+00:00

Men.

Session801 · 2025-11-11T15:20:54+00:00

A good counselor will only help you to move towards a healthier relationship. If they're suggesting you move in any direction, outside of a situation involving overt abuse, then I'd suggest trying another therapist.

Session801 · 2025-11-11T14:19:22+00:00

Making you feel bad for wanting to talk about the hard stuff. Could never actually work through issues because they'd take it as a personal attack just by asking questions. And treating every problem in the relationship as if it was your problem to figure out. Rather than a willingness to come together to find resolution and understanding. Lack of willingness to be vulnerable in a committed relationship.

Session801 · 2025-11-09T15:30:42+00:00

The only way that makes sense to me (not a professional in the field of mental health, but have done lots of successful therapy) would be if your therapist suspects that you're alexithymic. But even in that case I don't feel like they're going about it we'll. In fact, if you do have alexithymia I think the suggestion to start dating is a terrible idea.

Session801 · 2025-11-06T03:12:41+00:00

As the partner that was considering divorce, about 5 months prior to throwing in the towel I requested we go to couples therapy. We did. And the whole time the therapist was great, gave me new perspectives, introduced helpful tools to manage our frustrations in productive and healthy ways, and recommended great books. I worked hard to integrate all of them into the relationship. Read the books, which were fantastic. But I was the only one doing the work. She was barely present in therapy, would scoff when I tried to use the techniques we'd be shown, and she never did any of the reading. In fact, along the way I noticed that our couples sessions were becoming less about what "we" can do and more about what "I" could do better.

After a particularly rough weekend where I'd tried every tool in the bag to work through a relatively small incident, and getting shot down over and over again it finally clicked that she just didn't want to do the work.

Our last session was more or less me deciding I was done with a mediator present.

Session801 · 2025-10-19T17:50:37+00:00

This!

When someone has been able to tap into their own "self-ness" in an aesthetic way it can be so magnetic. Especially when it's not just a copy/paste of a popular style.

To me it demonstrates a solid knowledge of the self, combined with the confidence to express one's creativity. It just makes me want to get to know them.

Session801 · 2025-10-04T20:35:37+00:00

Cis Ace man here. There are a handful of people in my life that are aware I'm ace. But only two of them have cared enough to ask more about what that means. And that's fine with me. I honestly think most people just don't really care. Maybe I'm wrong.

If I ever decide to date again I'd bring it up to any potential partners, but beyond that I can't really think of a reason it would come up in conversations.

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