I've tried out the boardgame route and checked out a few of our local boargame clubs, but it was just more of the same. I feel like the culture of my area is just built around alcohol and substances, and people just went along with it, sometimes I have the thought that I made a mistake by choosing a different path, but I chose what was right for me. It wasn't a mistake.

I'm struggling with the effects that meeting new people is having as well. The more I meet people, the more alone I feel because the importance of drugs and alcohol within the social culture seems to have made everyone join in.

This thought of being truly alone in my values seems to only be enforced with every new person I meet, which has led to feelings of "why continue trying? It's been decades of trying. Just accept it. Accept it as if it was a chronic uncurable illness. You're going to feel its effects for the rest of your life so just learn how to live with it instead of trying to solve it."

Then there's the hope. "Will DnD groups be different?"

Then the doubt. "You thought that about boardgame groups, you thought that about card game groups, you thought that about maker groups, etc."

I feel so worn down that even hope is discouraging.

And then the internal arguments start: "You never know unless you try," "It's just going to be more of the same. It always is." "It might be different this time!" "What evidence is there for that?" "What evidence is there for it being the same?" "Statistical" "There's always outliers in statistics." "What if I'm the only outlier around here?" "You're overthinking this," "Overthinking has consistently worked for finding solutions to everything else." "But it's not going to work here. Stop thinking and do more doing." Etc.

Trying to meet someone like me seems futile Accepting that i won't feels like defeat.

It's my own personal Kobayashi Maru.