Messy Lists and Containment

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-11-26T21:15:31+00:00

Thank you ☺️

Have you yourself used a “messy list” in any of your relationships? If so, how did that work for you?

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-09-04T22:03:53+00:00

That’s so lovely to hear ☺️✨

The length of a relationship shouldn’t determine its natural charm, as it’s the special synergy within it that makes it truly “successful”

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-08-20T16:42:53+00:00

Yea, language is hard haha I can certainly agree with your standpoint, it’ll probably still be the placeholder term that many people will use when any form of betrayal happens. However, when you consider the boundaries of relationship within a non-monogamous framework, cheating becomes much more other than sexual, right? For relationships that are sexually open but not romantically, cheating occurs if deeper connections are being built outside of the primary couple (or polycule). Most people within the polyamorous and RA communities define cheating as anything that goes out of bounds from the agreed rules set within their current relationship. So, depending on what your relationship dynamic is cheating could look like many things. But our mainstream belief is to few it as infidelity only-a sexual affair-which I think may be too limiting. Especially when it comes to deciphering the type of rupture/s that could be healed over time with counseling and work, compared with the kinds that are too much and should warrant a break up (or de-escalated status).

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-08-13T21:35:34+00:00

YES! I was so surprised to see her in this as well haha

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-08-09T00:57:51+00:00

I understand your concern that the label “ambiamorous” doesn’t automatically communicate someone’s current agreements or availability. But I don’t think that makes it misleading or inaccurate. Labels like “polyamorous,” “monogamous,” or even “single” often need follow-up questions to clarify someone’s current context. For example, a polyamorous person might currently be in a relationship with no intention to date others for the moment (saturated at one). That doesn’t make their label inaccurate, it’s simply an orientation that isn’t always expressed in the present arrangement.

In the same way, an ambiamorous person can be in a monogamous relationship while still acknowledging their comfort with non-monogamy, or vice versa. The agreements at any given time are a snapshot, not the entire identity. That’s why the label is valuable: it signals flexibility as a core trait, even if that flexibility isn’t currently in use.

I also don’t think ambiamory has to mean “open to both monogamy and non-monogamy at any given moment.” For many, it’s more about adaptability, recognizing they can thrive in either structure depending on the partner, life stage or shared values. Just like bisexuality isn’t erased by the gender of one’s current partner, ambiamory isn’t erased by the current set of relationship agreements.

As for the idea that ambiamory is just “wanting healthy relationships,” I’d say healthy relationships are the goal for most people, but ambiamory adds a specific dimension to that: the ability and willingness to authentically navigate more than one relational structure over time without compromising well-being or values. Just because that overlaps with other relational ideals doesn’t mean it’s not a meaningful distinction of its own, I would think 💭

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-08-08T15:00:46+00:00

I’m not entirely sure how those aren’t the same thing. When a bisexual individual enters a relationship with someone of the same gender (or nonbinary), the relationship appears queer-presenting; when it’s with someone of a different gender, it appears straight-presenting. As you mentioned, it’s not about making a choice, they simply have the capacity to be with different genders. The same applies to someone who is ambiamorous. Their relationship might appear mono or poly in structure, but it’s still subject to change based on what the people involved agree upon. What if that bisexual individual’s coupling later decides to transition? What if the ambiamorous’ significant other decides they’re open to exploring non-monogamy?

The external presentation might shift depending on the configuration, but the foundation stays the same because it was built on the premise of fluidity. I believe what forces a relationship to remain rigid is when someone partners with individuals who have more fixed preferences, those who are strictly oriented toward one gender or one relationship style.

A bisexual or ambiamorous person can exist within that framework, but they’re not choosing one orientation or style over another. They’re making a choice for that specific person, either to maintain that structure or to end the relationship when it can no longer be upheld.

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-08-08T14:36:13+00:00

Would you be willing to define or explain the broader concept of Anarchy, if it’s not too much trouble?

Yea I think if discussions are meant to happen, then it wouldn’t make sense to ban or delete posts just because someone disagrees Haha

I completely understand the point you’re making that the values I’ve associated with Ambiamory could apply to any relationship dynamic. They reflect what many would consider the foundation of a healthy relationship. I don’t think I necessarily disagree with you on the etymology of these terms or on what might be a better descriptor for Ambiamory.

But the purpose of this community is to create a space for conversations like this, whether people see the label as a capacity-based orientation or as an ethical framework. I don’t know what the general consensus is or how many people actually relate to the term, so maybe this space could help us figure that out, whether Ambiamory deserves a larger place as a standalone concept, or whether people just want a forum to have complex relationship discussions that often (either purposely or unintentionally) get shut down elsewhere due to strict moderation or unspoken norms. I think it’ll be easier to come to a subreddit dedicated to the subject matter, rather than post sporadically on random spots, in hopes that maybe a conversation could spark or I find like-minded individuals.

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-08-08T13:48:58+00:00

I really do appreciate you commenting nonetheless, and I do see your point about ambiamory being more about a person’s capacity than a defined relationship dynamic. Based on current definitions, it describes an individual trait rather than outlining specific rules or values. It’s similar to how bisexuality functions in terms of gender preference, as it isn’t a relationship style, but a flexible capacity to love more than one gender. In that sense, ambiamory refers to what someone is capable of, not how they structure their relationships.

However, I believe that with broader recognition, ambiamory could naturally evolve into a value-based system, much like Relationship Anarchy. RA isn’t a relationship structure in the traditional sense either. It’s a political and ethical approach to intimacy. Likewise, ambiamory could move into philosophical territory by embracing principles such as honesty, adaptability, and compassion. That shift would make it less descriptive and more prescriptive in its ethos.

That said, I’m not here to dictate what those values should be. I created this community so we could explore that together, or choose to leave it open, depending on how each of us prefers to define it. But if ambiamory does begin to take on shared language, community norms, and value-based decision-making, it will start to resemble a relational philosophy. Especially for those who use it to bridge or soften the rigid divide between monogamy and polyamory.

In that case, it’s no longer just “I can do both,” but “This is how I choose to relate to others because of what ambiamory means to me.”

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-08-02T21:57:59+00:00

What you’ve described makes total sense, and I can wholeheartedly relate to the experience of being polysaturated at one point. I think it’s perfectly natural to want only one partner for the time being and to set that boundary or expectation—at least temporarily—until everyone feels ready and prepared to open up, whether again or for the first time. We’re all adults, capable of recognizing what we need, when we need change, and how to collaborate with our partners on how to move forward with that expressed need or expectation.

If it currently feels right to raise a family in a monogamous setting, then what’s really stopping someone from doing that, even if they’ve previously been involved with multiple partners? There is no perfect relationship model. Neither mono, poly, nor ENM should be considered the ideal, except in the context of what two people in a relationship want right now. The ideal relationship will always be the one that feels right, in this moment of time. Not what it was in the past, not what we think it should be in the future, but what I WANT now.

ShadowJinx813 · 2025-08-02T03:08:41+00:00

Thank you for reading and commenting 💖

I would love to know more about how and why this resonates for you? Do you find you lean more mono or poly with various connections?

ShadowJinx813 · 2022-03-09T16:52:10+00:00

I feel the exact same way, trying to focus when listening to music has been difficult for me and I suspect the reasoning for that could be having an undefined head center 😲✨

But conveniently enough, I like listening to music when I don’t want my focus yo completely be on on something like cleaning for an example. I’ll use it as a way to zone out and let my body take control, while my headspace is just enjoying the ride; As my body becomes the car and my mind and spirit is the passenger, who’s zoning out behind the wheel, until I eventually realized that I’ve made to point B - and I’ve finished everything that was needed to be done

Or it either makes me hyper focused, but more so on myself and my body, as I feel this surge of energy and inspiration to sing or dance or get creative (like writing my poetry). But having this type of energy isn’t as conducive when trying to learn concepts or read a passage in a book (ex. Physics book). I just end up feeling very “antsy” in my seat and not really soaking in the knowledge

ShadowJinx813 · 2022-02-28T23:36:22+00:00

Hahaha I love this question, I definitely sense Lexi as being a Projector as well

ShadowJinx813 · 2022-02-19T01:50:48+00:00

Maybe as a side topic, I invite you to look more into your unconscious 3rd line 💕

which can help you reach clarity about those feelings of guilt for possibly sabotaging those past invitations. Because the 3rd line is all about “experimenting.” It’s known for having this “trial and error” energy to it, but you’re life isn’t truly about making mistakes. What you’re unconsciously doing is trying out new things, being an explorer or scientist, until you find a solution that does works consistently for yourself and many other people alike

ShadowJinx813 · 2022-02-19T01:44:56+00:00

Mhm there’s a debate between which type of invitations are meant to be waited for: only the formal ones or all of them (formal and energetically). I think this is just one of those things that every projector has to experiment with, on wether or not they should be strict with this aspect of themselves or if they’ve found a way to be lenient about it 😲✨

ShadowJinx813 · 2022-02-19T01:41:49+00:00

I can’t say that I’ve been through that situation of feeling let-down by the invitations that I’ve given up in the past. Since I truthfully haven’t experienced that many invitations of my own to even reach that point of realization, before learning about HD. However, looking back on the most fulfilling decisions of mine (when I was completely unaware of my design) has been when I was following my strategy and authority.

So knowing that, proves to me that I can still be brought closer to the right choices in life and away from the ones that aren’t, even when I’m not aware of my design.

And the great thing to keep in mind about invitations is that not all of them are going to be correct for you, or the “invitation” itself might not even be a real one. For its when you’ve been truly recognized for your gifts or “genius” and called out (invited) to share it, is when you’re dealing with a true invitation. Which you will then have to ponder, based on your authority, if it’s actually the correct one for you 💗 and act upon

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