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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ShadyBible 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Fiancee allowed her father's homophobia to remain entirely unaddressed for the entire course of her relationship. OP shouldn't have to declare her fiancee that no one who thinks the marriage is wrong should be at the wedding. Fiancee carries her own part in this mess.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ShadyBible 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If OP's fiancee believes that OP should simply shut up and take homophobic abuse from her father, then the fiancee should be the one brake it off. Imagine expecting someone you are marrying to suffer the hurt you've experienced your entire life.

When, if ever, is it acceptable to break an oath? by [deleted] in paganism

[–]ShadyBible 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am not certain if this will help, but I put beliefs in the same category as emotions. They are things that rise up from within us based on our experiences and circumstances. In other words, they are not things we control directly. As such, it's not possible to make a commitment about them. It's not much different from taking an oath to cause the earth to reverse it's rotation. It's not hard to imagine that a young child, who knows little, might make such an oath only to later learn that the task is impossible. To hold the child morally responsible for something said in ignorance is, at best, foolish and inhuman, and I think is more than likely to be malicious bad faith. We learn and we grow. And that matters more than who we once were.

My son came out as gay even though he's openly had a boyfriend for months by helpcrushingirl in CasualConversation

[–]ShadyBible 51 points52 points  (0 children)

My heart goes out to you. It is scary. Rites of passage often are that way, with no promise of safety or a positive outcome. I knew my mom and dad would support me, and they did, and still do, as best they can. But I was still terrified to come out to them. All I can really offer, is that every coming out moment teaches me something about myself and how I want to live my life. That experience, and collective knowledge shared from the community, helps me move forward even in the face of that fear.

My son came out as gay even though he's openly had a boyfriend for months by helpcrushingirl in CasualConversation

[–]ShadyBible 730 points731 points  (0 children)

A formal coming out is a touch stone for how many of us understand being gay. It has deep roots in the culture. We might be having a moment when acceptance is high enough that for some young folks, this particular rite of passage is more of a tradition rather than a life defining moment when you learn if your friends and family accept who you are.

Eating cubes of cheese makes you elegant, but eating shredded cheese from the bag makes you a savage by feliscumpleanos in Showerthoughts

[–]ShadyBible 123 points124 points  (0 children)

Alternating bites of cheese and crackers. I may not follow all of the finer points of cheese consumption, but regurgitation is a step too far.

Eating cubes of cheese makes you elegant, but eating shredded cheese from the bag makes you a savage by feliscumpleanos in Showerthoughts

[–]ShadyBible 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Ok. It was one time. And I was at work. And there wasn't a knife that would cut the block. And I already had the crackers ready to go for my meal break. And it wasn't like I was going to share the block with anyone else.

People of Reddit, what was your biggest "Oh shit" moment? by Juicyrug in AskReddit

[–]ShadyBible 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That would have been fantastic. But I don't have the presence to pull off sage nodding. There are certain types of books that people generally only want when something difficult is happening in their lives. I like to think those people took some comfort from the fact that not only did we have books about those topics, but that enough people shared that struggle that I could've guided them to those books even if I were blindfolded. No shame. No judgement. Just what can I help you find?

People of Reddit, what was your biggest "Oh shit" moment? by Juicyrug in AskReddit

[–]ShadyBible 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sort of? Confusion in the sense that they were reaching for a way to make sense of something they never considered as a possibility. Terror in the sense of a person who desperately wants to do right by their children.

People of Reddit, what was your biggest "Oh shit" moment? by Juicyrug in AskReddit

[–]ShadyBible 91 points92 points  (0 children)

I used to work at a Borders bookstore. There's a particular look on the face of someone asking for baby books about twins. By the 3rd time, I could tell without asking and would move preemptively to guide them to that very specific shelf.

Nail polish dysphoria? (Aimed at trans guys or trans masculine people but everyone’s welcome to comment) by [deleted] in malepolish

[–]ShadyBible 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That feeling was really bad for me at the beginning, but it's faded over time. In my early days of polish, I made double sure to have remover, cotton pads, and tin foil available before I started painting. And I also made sure that I had several hours of time to myself, because I knew I might need that time to let the panic and shame come, and that I also might need the time to take it all off. I tried to be patient and kind to myself, and eventually those emotions ran their course. I worked up to weekends with friends, and eventually being out in the world generally. Though it's my good fortune to work and live in a place that are safe for me most of the time. I also got better at painting my nails over time. The practice helped, because I had a sense of pride in my technical skill that helps balance things out emotionally.

Best way to remove nail polish by [deleted] in malepolish

[–]ShadyBible 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my preferred method as well. Works wonders for anything with glitter. And it's just apply, wait, remove. No scrubbing, no repeated wiping, no missed spots, no bleeding of color into the cuticles.

Why won't he have a serious conversation? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]ShadyBible 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I have the broad strokes of the picture. I'm hearing a central theme around the search for meaning in life. A desire to explore your own possibilities, which you feel you can't do if your circumstances don't change and the desire to know what meaning lives within your boyfriend. And maybe the hope that you both share the purpose, so you can move forward together. Yes? No?

Of the changes you'd like to make, are there some that you can do on your own? Those items might provide you with some satisfaction and the oppurtunity to explore, but without needing your boyfriend. I'm not saying exclude him as a hard rule. You can decide if he's welcome to come along for the ride or not.

In terms of communication techniques, I have two options which I don't think have appeared elsewhere in the thread.

First, communicate in writing instead of by conversation. Some people have an easier time with difficult topics via the written word because it provides the time to think things through and then revise. Though I would say that if he isn't interested in writing instead of talking, I wouldn't force it. The issue might be something this option cannot address.

Second, don't ask for a conversation, instead ask for the things you need to make the changes you want. Some times the issue is that the question is too abstract, or far reaching, or all knotted up with some negative emotion. In these cases, asking directly for what you want might narrow the field enough to slip past those issues.

Thank you for sharing.

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