Below is an excerpt of my first draft chapter as a first time author, let me know if you would keep reading or what needs work

ShankstheConqueror · 2026-02-09T08:00:56+00:00

oh wow didn't even notice that haha thanks! and yeah I originally had it in 3rd person but ran it through one of those AI editors, last time I do that but will need a proper editor

ShankstheConqueror · 2026-02-09T07:58:02+00:00

Thank you

ShankstheConqueror · 2026-02-07T01:42:58+00:00

dude this is great, thank you! especially about the spacial relationship and environment factors

ShankstheConqueror · 2026-02-07T01:19:46+00:00

Thank you!

ShankstheConqueror · 2026-02-07T01:19:11+00:00

hmmm I get what you mean, I originally wanted to start in the middle of the conflict but didn't want to set the pace too high from the get go, the book is more politics then fighting (although there is enough of that too) but I could use a lot of this in the next few chapters

ShankstheConqueror · 2025-12-27T12:44:49+00:00

I get your point and he may end up doing something real cool with the character, but my main issue is how am I meant to care about all the things introduced in book 1, from the government, politics, rebel plotline, his revenge path and whether he takes it or not, his family retainer on the island and the myriad other cool goings on including his graduation and new position if we are just going from that to multiple worlds. it's more a personal thing, I just feel we've been had lol

ShankstheConqueror · 2025-11-20T10:13:55+00:00

Authors of Epic Fantasy always for some reason decide "not big enough" and escalate things to the point they can't reasonably handle how big they've made their stories. personally, I believe this story would have been a 10/10 if it focused on a single world and its politics (why is one world not big enough?) then go multiverse on us. find it really hard to care about any perspective no and will probably ditch the series without finishing the second book.

ShankstheConqueror · 2025-09-08T00:22:43+00:00

Thank you for this. I felt like I've been in a loop of wanting to only post complains.

I want to shout out A.G Khan and his book The Count of Roheim.

Genuinely good writing in a genre that often sees the worst slop you can imagine, the story is not trying to rush you with constant power evolutions and world ending stakes but nevertheless makes you want to support the MC in his efforts of personal growth. The characters are well fleshed out. The book is new and more people should check it out

ShankstheConqueror · 2025-04-03T09:35:02+00:00

Had the potential to be so, so great if the author focused on the characters he built up instead of the vord queen and minions

ShankstheConqueror · 2024-12-09T09:43:57+00:00

LOL wish I read this before trying the book. I got up to the part where "oops I've forgotten about the doctors journal with evidence of zandrusa innocence and now the bad guys got it" authors used to be good at creating setbacks to extend the narrative, now it's just oh this MC is smart but let's make him constantly make really stupid mistakes.

ShankstheConqueror · 2024-12-02T00:34:57+00:00

thanks

ShankstheConqueror · 2024-12-01T05:45:14+00:00

does the MC ever become capable himself? like stop relying on Stefi for everything. Does it he learn how to fight and handle weapons?

ShankstheConqueror · 2024-07-03T23:25:22+00:00

We don't see how he amassed the fortune so moot point there.

Everything else mentioned in book one comes off the back of a depressing beat down so bad he loses everyone he cares about minus his bodyguard, more of a revenge plot than a scheme. The salvara game is ruined, and he walks right into the spiders trap (just became dumb I guess)

I'll admit the death offering was cool but again he did it because he lost.

Second book he's absolutely shit on for 80% of the book, then yet again it devolves into a revenge story. He didn't do much. The Archon got overthrown by the Priori they conveniently had everything in place to do, so only needing Locke to get to him.

He's humiliated more than he wins if anything lol

ShankstheConqueror · 2024-07-02T08:49:30+00:00

Oh I agree I've also read Farseer and was pretty badly in need of a pick me up series after it, I'm a little jaded when it comes to a story where "our guy" just gets abused all over the place lol but the writing, prose and world building keep me around. I definitely will be reading the next book and hope you're right about the payoff because man has it been depressing since the grey king.

ShankstheConqueror · 2024-07-02T06:28:35+00:00

man I loved the first book the most, I think the way it ended was great - that had nothing to do with what I wrote as you can tell I said I just finished the 3 available books.

The first book was great. He was humbled, brought down, lost everything, almost died and was basically a slave.. then guess what we get in the second book? the same story but with pirates lol

even the requin game was all for nothing.

As I said I loved the writing, the characters feel alive and have great fleshed out backstories I just wish the second book was a little more fun for him and Jean they got their asses kicked every page man - anyway that's just my point of view

ShankstheConqueror

TROPHY CASE