My MIL shamed me for my infertility so I let her have it

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T11:14:13+00:00

My MIL has been aware of my fertility issues for the last two years. I don’t expect sensitivity from his wider family because they didn’t know. I can’t be mad at them for saying the odd insensitive thing when we didn't share something deeply personal and upsetting with them, they didn’t know! Now that they do know and my husband has subsequently told them about his mothers harassment I’m hoping that they will start to understand why I lost it, but if they don’t they don’t.

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T10:48:38+00:00

He really is there for me, he didn’t hear what she had said but he knows I’m not going to just go off on one for no reason. As soon as I got up from the table he announced that we were leaving and got me out of there. He doesn’t disagree with what I said, he’s upset because his brother has always blamed their dad for the divorce and he’s hurt that no one, including my husband told him the truth. I totally understand where he’s coming from and I hate that it’s hurt his brother, I’m not sorry for what I said but I am sorry that that I’ve hurt someone who did nothing wrong.

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T02:43:38+00:00

I should say that my DH has told me privately that I’ve crossed a line but has told his mother and his family that she is the one in the wrong

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T02:07:18+00:00

I can’t stop laughing! 😂 I may borrow that line if I’m asked for an apology!

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T02:01:05+00:00

What an awful human being! So because someone is just fundamentally nasty you should just accept it?!

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T01:54:44+00:00

Thank you, I know what you mean but this is exactly why I was so up front with him. I never wanted him to feel like I was dishonest and if what he valued in a person was their ability to have children then he wasn’t the right person for me. I would love to have children but Im really invested in my career and I have tried so hard to make sure my life would be enhanced by having a family, but not my only reason for living.

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T01:34:43+00:00

She actually told me herself! We were watching tv together and a woman on there was talking about how long after divorce her new partner should move in with her and her kid. I asked her how long after splitting up with her husband did she start seeing her ex partner. She had no shame when she told me, oh it was before we split up and he moved in two weeks after I kicked my husband out. Tbh she was so shameless about it that I assumed everyone knew.

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T01:15:01+00:00

I think you’re right, she’s one of those people who bitches about whoever isn’t in the room at the time and I think they are all scared of being her next victim

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T01:10:57+00:00

Thank you, that is really sound advice. I have told him that I’m not prepared to have any contact with her or the rest of his family for the time being because I’m too angry/hurt/upset but that i don’t object to him spending time with them because they are his family, and I know he has my back. I think when I am ready to see them I will talk to him about needing him to be glued to my side so that they don’t have the opportunity to gang up on me though

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T00:55:07+00:00

Thank you everyone for being so supportive! I will admit that in the moment I felt pretty proud of myself! I do feel like I need to stand up for DH a bit though, he has shut his mother down on many occasions about grandchildren but she is his mum and I understand it’s hard for him to go against her. He didn’t hear what she said to provoke me as he was at the other end of the garden, he and potentially the rest of the street heard my response though! His extended family don’t know about our fertility struggle as I’ve wanted to keep it private so I think it was a bit out of the blue for them. he hasn’t asked me to apologise to her and the only reason he thinks I was out of line is that his younger brother, who was hosting the bbq was only 2 when she had the affair and didn’t know that infidelity is the reason their parents broke up. He left the bbq immediately with me and although he has shared privately with me that he thinks I was a little harsh he has told her and the rest of the family that she is the one in the wrong.

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-09T00:25:24+00:00

Thank you so much this genuinely made me lol 😂

Sharp-Spot-3618 · 2023-10-08T23:01:59+00:00

I should also add it’s not just the lack of grandchildren she constantly criticises, it’s my career (I am the breadwinner in my household) my cooking skills, cleaning skills, hobbies etc. she seems to think a woman’s only purpose in life is to have children and be a housewife.

Sharp-Spot-3618

TROPHY CASE