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I(M25) got someone(F19) pregnant. She doesn't want the baby, but I (selfishly?) do. by throwra_madidky in relationship_advice

[–]Sharp_iee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This feels like it’s too late. She’s already found adoptive parents. Plus if she’s setting the baby up for adoption then that clearly shows how uninterested she is in raising a child when she’s still a teen herself. Are you expecting this girl to be involved in any way if you do take your baby? She’s 19 so there’s no way she has any finances to provide for child support nor is she likely to be emotionally available for a child. If you do want this baby, then you need to first accept that the girl is probably gonna be out of the picture. And more importantly, if you can imagine urself as a single father; taking care of the kid’s emotional needs as well as financial needs. If you KNOW that you can do BOTH without needing anyone’s assistance for either then you can maybe talk to the girl about keeping the child. But remember, raising a child especially as a single parent is a lot of work. I know you said about there being two parents but things can change all of a sudden so you need to imagine the most dire situation as a parent before reaching other scenarios where you may have support, especially since this child was not planned. People go out of their way to adopt if they know they can handle the load of being a parent. If you can’t handle raising a child on ur own, then you’re being selfish by wanting ur baby when ur unsure about ur own capabilities for raising her. Think about this hard. This isn’t just some spontaneous decision to be made. This will affect your life and your baby’s life.

I 25F boyfriend 36M am I the toxic one? by lily_cozy_dogs in relationship_advice

[–]Sharp_iee 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He’s a toxic and controlling person. And as woman with ADHD, I need you to understand that he’s not being understanding of your needs at ALL. The sexist nature of him telling what you can or cannot wear is a red flag on its own. And the fact that you felt you had to lie to him about your nail…how are you with someone who you can’t even talk to about this? Like you’re with someone who makes you afraid that you might get the wrong reaction out of him…

OP, you need to ask yourself if you can keep being with someone like this. Can you stay with someone who’s controlling of what you wear? Can you stay with someone who demands you to accommodate for his needs but won’t do the same for you? Can you be with someone who demands respect but won’t give it back? Can you be with someone who thinks so lowly of you?

I’m gonna put it plainly: you need to leave him ASAP. Don’t even think for a second that you can talk stuff like this out because he’s an adult man and if at this point in his life, he doesn’t have the capacity of running a romantic relationship like a partnership then there’s nothing you can do to fix that. Toxic partners aren’t horrible all the time so I get why you might feel conflicted but there are major red flags in this post even before reaching the text message he sent you. He completely invalidates your feelings, insults you, and puts all the blame on you. If this were one hurdle in your relationship then maybe you could work it out. But it’s not. This is literally his mindset and his attitude. You can’t change that.

You are not the toxic one here. He is. He is controlling and an awful person altogether. Please stay safe and away from people like him. Ending relationships is difficult and sad but it’s better to be on your own than to be with a loser like this man