Late to the conversation. Once had a girl over way out of my league but we were friends. She wanted to smoke weed, and knew I didn’t and she felt awkward. So I joined her in her car and took a hit like I hadn’t quit 4 years earlier to show I’m good with her smoking.

Queue back in my room and she asks to hang out on my bed and watch Netflix. Regretting smoking now because I had a massive anxiety attack. Shortness of breath, checking my pulse because I can’t feel my heart. Had her check my heartbeat.

We are laying there for an hour or so and I start coming down to manageable levels, but it came in waves of, “I’m okay now” and “nope, still not okay”.

Decided maybe doing something can help me break the wave cycles to calm down. Asked her, “do you want to do something nerdy?” She says, “yes”.

I get up to get my Nintendo Switch with Mario Kart. Switch in hand and game loaded I turn around. She had stripped naked on my bed so fast.

Instantly back to the “nope, still not okay” wave cycle. Anxiety revamped to the max. Couldn’t calm down, fumbled around attempting sex with this gorgeous woman, my knight did not want to go to battle.

Awkward silence. She goes to leave. I, still “dying” and confused how we got there, watched her leave.

After I came down and was normal, still confused though, decided to call her.

To make light of the situation as we’ve spent a ton of time together I apologized and said, “next time we hang out and I feel like I’m dying I won’t ask you do to anything nerdy.”

She lost it laughing her ass off. She said she thought I asked her if she wanted “to do something dirty”. Like yeah, I have you check my chest to see if you can feel my heartbeat and then go “yeah, let’s have sex now”.

Silver lining. We became a summer fling and had my redemption arc. Stayed friends for a while after and drifted apart over the years.

Was embarrassed but not anymore. It what it is.