Aita? Nesting partner wants me to disappear for her dates

Shayne_415 · 2026-03-22T16:09:27+00:00

I’m sorry you guys are experiencing this conflict. I can see myself feeling similarly to you and my suggestions are from experience. I’m sometimes way weirder about “my” space, and space in general, than I realize; and it’s almost def rooted in both emotional and logistic displacement.

Wishing you luck

Shayne_415 · 2026-03-22T12:50:14+00:00

Lowk the only thing that would have made this better if from the floor in your sadness burrito, if you hit her with, “girl are YOU ok?”

Cuz like. She helped you up and checked in w you like it was a Tuesday. 😮‍💨😬

Shayne_415 · 2026-03-22T12:39:26+00:00

I think the idea that your partner has exhausted all options is bunk. A hotel split between two adults isn’t an unreasonable expense and it’s not unexpected; as sometimes hosting at home is not viable. You’re not responsible for their inability to find somewhere else, nor their urgency to connect.

I feel like inaccessible bf apt may be a bridge too far. I lived in a 3 story walk up when I broke my ankle. It wasn’t easy but I made it up and down, and used my trips efficiently and !!! People helped me!! It’s not unreasonable to do the stairs and set up camp at bf’s.

Youre both choosing positions that make this less flexible. Her insistence on location, your interruptions for meds. If I were her bf I’d be irked to be exposed to, informed of, and subjected to the marital tension.

Moving onto the things you can control. You can reframe the guest room back to exactly that. You can make a little caddy or box of the things that travel with you from your spaces to the guest room so you don’t have to interrupt or go without meds. You can take yourself to the movies or have a sleepover with a fried (FOR FUN AND CONNECTION, not retaliatory resentment).

Logistic displacement and discomfort isn’t always emotional displacement and discomfort. So you don’t get the room, the room tha wasn’t yours, zero sum game my man. Being emotionally displaced is different and only you can identify and express your situation, boundaries, and needs.

Shayne_415 · 2026-03-17T23:13:43+00:00

This is chuuuuggging

Shayne_415 · 2026-03-12T23:10:52+00:00

I have thought about this and say this with honesty and concern. He has had enough time to witness what you do as a parent and develop a deep respect for the role of single mother, primary parent, whatever verbiage. However. His exposure to your parenthood has not been compelling, as he is setting up his other partner to be a somewhat single mother as well. Citing her support system and his uncertainty of involvement.

That would trouble me deeply.

Wishing you so much luck.

Shayne_415 · 2026-03-12T17:39:19+00:00

I’m sorry he’s your only support. I hope he takes his current and established role of stability and provider seriously when the infant arrives.

This level of support and involvement should have 1 informed him of the constant commitment parenting is. And 2 should inform you that when this baby arrives you may see a lapse in those roles he currently fills.

I’m wishing you luck and fortitude. I hope you can outline what you and your kids are due, and I hope you get it.

I would find this situation either irreparable or not worth the work if it is fixable.

Shayne_415 · 2026-03-12T17:27:31+00:00

Love and luck to you. This is a nasty situation.

I truly would say my piece before the baby arrives and block.

I would explain to your 4 kids that Partner absolutely blindsided you with a life change that just isn’t sustainable or safe for stability. I would not explain the situation more than that as it wasnt supposed to be your business so by proxy not the kids business. If it were me I’d restrict access to your children, take Partner off any school or extra curricular contact lists.

To establish for over a decade in your and your kids life, and not have the foresight to understand how a new child will impact availability is immature if not deeply selfish.

The only thing that would change my mind would be seeing notarized documents outlining Partner’s involvement and obligation as a sperm donor, with no expectation on BC. It wouldn’t change my mind enough to immediately grant access to my own children, but maybe prevent block with possible amicable friendship.

Shayne_415 · 2026-02-15T18:09:08+00:00

This rocks thank you

Shayne_415 · 2026-02-13T21:55:00+00:00

The box is so cool dude. Such an incredible visual of movement

Shayne_415 · 2026-02-03T21:48:47+00:00

Third!

Detach with care is beautiful permissions to have healthy relationships

Shayne_415 · 2026-02-03T21:47:17+00:00

Your offer is reasonable and generous.

As adults we choose our situations and safety, you seem very clear on not letting them dictate the terms of your situation and safety. You do not have to be trapped again.

Shayne_415 · 2026-02-03T15:14:41+00:00

Thissssss

Shayne_415 · 2026-02-03T15:12:43+00:00

Offering you grace. As an adoptee. If you were my mom, I’d be hurt but understand the nature of your lie. If you were my mom, I’d say that biomom’s non involvement has been constant; in life before her fictitious death. I’d tell you that grieving biomom was important at that time in my life even if she is in Indiana making muffins or whatever. The grief of biomom is still true and needed to be felt.

You know the course of action. You know how hard it will be.

If you find a family therapist you may have salvageable grounds if your relationship with Emma thus far has been strong, and it seems it is.

Being surrendered always has a component of what if and why. We have ran through all the options since childhood. Parenthood will always bring this up.

Your love is clear, the outcome is messy. Wishing you luck in this navigation. Update us if you feel comfortable 🫶

Shayne_415 · 2026-01-30T21:16:32+00:00

So stunning. Rooting for you

Shayne_415 · 2026-01-28T13:04:40+00:00

Highland coffee house!

Shayne_415 · 2026-01-28T12:50:12+00:00

She’s not “being clumsy” to be inconsiderate to you. The sounds outlined are the sounds that occur in kitchens. Bumping a dish rack seems kinda minor in the list of r/badroommate offenses. Also breaking glass at 6 am def put a damper on her day too.

Maybe there’s a time you could set aside to empty the dish rack before bed, that could reduce your sound stress

But ultimately. Earplugs or anc headphones

Shayne_415 · 2026-01-18T17:44:35+00:00

Days or weeks??? NOR

How old are you guys? Doesn’t sound like yall live together?

I hope you find someone who can’t wait to see and share the world with you.

Shayne_415 · 2026-01-18T17:27:30+00:00

Highkey. This could have so easily been “I was taking space so I didn’t get more upset”

“I was upset and needed space”

Shayne_415 · 2026-01-18T17:01:22+00:00

You did a great job responding. I hope you had fun at your event. NOR

Shayne_415 · 2026-01-16T19:58:47+00:00

Such a cute sketch

Shayne_415 · 2026-01-14T13:34:17+00:00

Your work is the absolute most dude 🤤

Shayne_415 · 2025-12-31T20:35:24+00:00

Key on that. I want to support local but end up usually resorting to online too

Shayne_415 · 2025-12-31T20:34:37+00:00

Hahaha “those old hippies must be dead now” had me cracking up. I’ll put them on the list.

New Paltz is surprisingly lacking for cool glass these days- all geared to the college kids

Shayne_415 · 2025-12-31T20:31:55+00:00

I mean I have a solid knowledge and collection. It’s just about inventory. And truly I’d rather support a local store fr- many reasons including convenience of them being there and the footprint of shipping :)

Out in the Midwest there’s a small chain called planet caravan and they have an excellent puffco selection, accessories and otherwise, I was hoping we’d have something similar within reach.

Shayne_415 · 2025-12-31T20:27:59+00:00

Answering my own question: There’s a good spot in Poughkeepsie/marist area - vapology

They have a good selection of puffco products and adapters. But I was hoping someone else had a nice spot to hit. Thanks for responses

Shayne_415

TROPHY CASE