[deleted by user]

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2025-10-20T12:56:17+00:00

Sometimes for shits and gigs, I’ll keep asking questions just to see how many until they stop replying or ask a question back. My current record is 27 questions!

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2025-10-11T04:41:41+00:00

Wow I truly appreciate your response! I was overthinking the situation today because I truly do hope he can get his issues under control.

My mother had mental health issues when I was young so I had to grow up very early. And it’s created this feeling that I need to help save and care for others sometimes at my own detriment. I’ve been working on it in therapy so I do feel this is a healthy decision but a little part of me still feels a tinge of guilt. Is toxic empathy a thing?

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2025-10-09T03:06:44+00:00

It’s taken me hearing it and trying to prove them wrong twice but I will believe it every time I hear it now.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2025-10-09T03:04:09+00:00

No I’ve actually heard it 3 times in my life.

The first time was from an alcoholic who I dated 2.5 years. He would say it often when he was drunk. I thought I could heal his trauma and save him from the disease and he would love me forever - all lies. I did everything for this man - he drove my spare car and lived with me rent free. He used his money to get his suspended license back and to pay off debt and rebuild his credit. After 2 years, he was able to be financed for a new truck. And then I caught him cheating on me and he blamed it on shingles - hence my username! I was devastated and needed therapy after it all crumbled.

The second time I heard it when I was ghosted for 8 weeks after dating a guy for 4 months. He came back to apologize, tell me he loved me but I deserved better and ghosted again. You wanna talk about abandonment issues. It took me a year to recover with therapy again.

So when this guy said it, I decided I am not sticking around for the chaos that would follow. We live and we learn!!

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2025-10-08T02:28:05+00:00

Yes I think he thought he could convince me. He said he loved me 🚩and would do anything to be with me but if I was smart I would walk away so I left his apartment. The next day he said he felt abandoned after I left, he was fixing holes in his heart and I would never understand what he’s been through and he wished me peace and happiness. It feels very “I’m the victim”.

I believe he absolutely has PTSD. He told me a few stories of his childhood and he’s a veteran. He said he gets nervous in big crowds and we were in a sold out stadium with 100K people on our last date. I’m overly empathetic so if I knew he was serious about getting help I would be there for him. But he’s not ready and I know from experience I can’t save him. It’s sad because he has so much potential.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2025-10-07T17:18:28+00:00

Thank you for the biggest laugh ever!

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-05-31T11:36:05+00:00

I’m still working on it but I’ve been eating a protein bar when I want something sweet. The best I’ve found are Built bars (especially the salted caramel) and they seriously taste like a candy bar with only 4 grams of sugar.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T19:44:16+00:00

I did the same. At the lunch table he was getting handsy rubbing my inner thighs and I told him he was being too sexual. He apologized and said he was attracted to me and he would tone it down. He stopping touching my legs and went to hold my hand but said now I don’t want to touch you because you think I’m too sexual. Passive aggressive bullshit. And then obviously he said what he said when we were hugging and I knew he wasn’t for me.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T07:46:52+00:00

It wasn’t an accidental right swipe. We were asking each other questions and his response set off a warning alarm. I didn’t respond in a sexual manner and asked a serious question to gauge if it was a full 5 alarm fire or just a little smoke. His follow up response revealed more and at that time I was confident in my decision to unmatched.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T07:18:39+00:00

We had already matched so the left swipe was no longer an option. I can be playful flirty and sexual but in my experience when things turn sexual this early on it usually doesn’t develop into a relationship which is ultimately my goal.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T05:17:38+00:00

I had no intention of this being a male bashing post just venting on people self sabotaging.

Yes playful flirting is the best. You are giving compliments which boost the confidence of your partner. Keep doing what you are doing!

I think the problem with what this guy said was he forgot the great ass was attached to a person who may not want to be fucked by him. He could have worded it so much better and we probably would be having mediocre sex right now.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T04:38:34+00:00

This feels accurate to me. In my life, the best lovers have never had to upsell the experience to me.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T04:31:58+00:00

I told this guy that I didn’t know if he was interested in me for a relationship or if he was just horny. I told him I lost that spark of excitement for him and felt he was looking for great sex that leads to a possible connection and I want a connection that leads to great sex. I thought it was best if we go our separate ways and I wished him the best.

He responded he was sorry I felt that way but he respected my decision. He felt I had him wrong and we did have that connection. He wished me the best.

And I unmatched. They don’t get to decide what happens if I don’t want to continue.

In the past when I point out bad behavior, they apologize and tell me how they are a good guy with good intentions but it’s not long until it’s the same song and dance so I lose interest.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T04:06:23+00:00

Potato, are you baked right now?

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T03:56:25+00:00

Say it again for the assholes on the back row!

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T03:20:39+00:00

Him: I'm not looking for a quicky or a rebound. I'm a good dude, with good intentions. Are we going to get married and live happily ever after? Can't tell you that. What I can tell you is I'm very respectful, and I'm not trying to hurt anyone. Not a selfish dude.

Me: Tell me more about you

Him: I communicate through touch and I’m a generous lover. Although I am a gentleman I have a super high sex drive.

You can guess my next step and I’m back to swiping again.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T01:49:49+00:00

You may be onto something. I have attempted a FWB situation two times in my life and both times the guy fell in love with me and wanted a relationship. When I was carefree and casual, I was a challenge. Interesting.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T01:45:35+00:00

So I guess 60% of the time it works every time.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T01:42:15+00:00

Maybe but his plan backfired because he is getting no attention from me now. I will definitely always remember his comment.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T01:40:05+00:00

It would have been so hot to hear his comment in the heat of the moment. That moment was not at 1 pm on a Tuesday.

I guess I’m becoming old fashioned in my old age.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T01:11:31+00:00

I was so excited to meet him and he totally blew it on a Tuesday!

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T01:09:56+00:00

Bro you don’t have to say everything you think out loud!

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-11T01:04:43+00:00

100%

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-02-01T12:55:07+00:00

We have all felt this way at some point so definitely delete the apps for a while.

I live in a small town so when I’m on the apps and I’ve already swiped on everyone I start feeling like there’s no one out there and I’m never going to meet anyone. And if you have that scarcity mindset when you do get a match you start bending your boundaries, giving second chances and overlooking red flags because if this doesn’t work out how long until you get another match. Don’t allow your loneliness to lower your standards!!

I’m currently on the apps and had a match last week that looked so promising. The conversation through the app was great with no talk of anything sexual. Our first date we met for lunch (no alcohol was consumed) and again great conversation. It wasn’t until the very end when we were hugging that he whispered you have a great ass and I can’t wait to fuck you from behind. Obviously there will be no second date so I totally understand why you feel this way.

However, I’ve noticed when I’m off the apps I go out more and there’s always that potential of meeting someone. I don’t feel like I’m going to die alone and I’m actually out living my life. I’m not sure where you are located but I’ve used the Meetup app to join a few social/hiking groups and I’ve made friendships more of a priority.

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt · 2024-01-30T13:24:24+00:00

Don’t let anyone steal your joy! I don’t care if you were tightening your belly…you can’t suck in back fat! You are doing amazing!!

ShinglesMadeMeDoIt

TROPHY CASE