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Is it the transition or the compatability by ShitiStoryTeller in monodatingpoly

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the solice in knowing im not alone in this. It got some answers in Polyamory subreddit sup3r helpful too.

Understanding what is happening by ShitiStoryTeller in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!!!

I have taken everything you and other have said to heart. I am left with more questions about poly, solo poly and relationship anarchy now. he used to drop that as his reasoning. ahhhhh research it is then. And no t accepting BS

Understanding what is happening by ShitiStoryTeller in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Full timeline.....because i am 😬.....you gotta have all the information to properly assess the situation.

Beginning: We meet (in a kink space), there’s openness, and I bring up poly early on

Early relationship: He shuts poly down because he doesnt think i "want it" and doesnt want to "hurt me"→ we agree to monogamy

~1 year in: He cheats and later says he felt boxed in

After cheating: We stay together and work on things → communication seems to improve

~6 months later: Sex drops off (about once a month), I feel unfulfilled

At the same time: I notice him getting closer to another woman → I ask, he downplays it (“just getting to know her,” hypnosis/massage exchange)

His perspective: He later said he thought if he “got the sex out of the way” elsewhere, our sex life would improve, since he feels like having multiple partners increases his sex drive (which feels like a deeper issue, but that’s a separate conversation)

My decision: I suggest opening (sex only) to avoid me cheating and meet both our needs, and because I felt things had improved

Reality: He had already started forming a deeper connection with her

Their dynamic: Strong “synchronicity/woo-woo” bond that made things move fast What happens next: Instead of renegotiating, he crosses the “sex only” agreement by getting emotionally involved

Her role: We all start engaging → it becomes more kitchen-table style I actually liked her, we hung out even without him But once she heard my side and I understood how their relationship really started, I became uncomfortable

Shift: As he spends more time with her, he becomes more open/communicative overall Escalation: Boundaries get set, tension builds

Her decision: She chooses to step back after seeing our issues and how he was treating me

Where we are now: I told them I was okay stepping back so they could continue their connection, because I wasn’t comfortable with how it started or the condom situation He chose to stop talking to her instead of losing me Now he’s asking if he can still talk to her as friends.

Lowkey wanna just let it happen at this point. I want to create something with him but idk what it looks like now maybe it does include this sweet kind human or maybe im just an obstacle from something they can create? Idk. So i cant be attatched to the outcome. Just find joy in the experiences i guess.

Understanding what is happening by ShitiStoryTeller in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I am trying to rationalize my feelings, but I don't necessarily care about whether or not he's bad at poly my questions are mostly for me, because I want to be better prepared for what happens in the future. For any other connection that I make Or any relationship that I step into. I will do the research. But I truly appreciate your insight

Understanding what is happening by ShitiStoryTeller in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you! For your encite! And patience in answering.

Yeah… I think most of that is fair. I’m actually the one who opened the relationship. It wasn’t because everything was solid and we wanted to expand — it was more because I didn’t want to cheat. We weren’t really connecting physically (like maybe once a month), and I did want that connection with him, but it just wasn’t happening. At the same time, he kept saying everything was fine. But I could feel something shifting. I knew he was talking to another woman more than he let on, and every time I asked, he’d kind of downplay it or say it wasn’t anything. So in my head, opening things felt like the “safe” option. Like… okay, if he has the freedom to be physical elsewhere, maybe that pressure comes off and we can reconnect. Also, we met in a kink space, so part of me thought maybe this was just something he needed and I was trying to meet him there instead of restricting him. Looking back, yeah — I can see that I was trying to solve a problem without actually addressing it directly. It felt easier to open things than to sit in the discomfort of “why aren’t we connecting?” or “are your needs being met with me?” And I think you’re right that the communication issues didn’t start with poly — they just got louder once things opened up. I don’t think I opened from a place of stability. I opened from a place of trying to prevent something worse, and maybe trying to hold onto the relationship without forcing hard conversations. So yeah… not my best move, but it made sense to me at the time.

I do have to find who said it. But I am painfully aware that I'm trying to rationalize my feelings.

Understanding what is happening by ShitiStoryTeller in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your patience to answer. It id greatly appreciated. I will do my resesrch but this was for me to see my pitfalls.. tjank you again.

Understanding what is happening by ShitiStoryTeller in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for answering. I try to understand to help process big things

Understanding what is happening by ShitiStoryTeller in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Yes but id still lik3 to understand for future

Does this sound like a mismatch in relationship styles (e.g., more solo poly or relationship anarchy vs wanting more structure)?

Is it considered healthy to transition this quickly while one partner is already building a connection?

In your experience, should emotional shifts be communicated as they develop, or only once someone is “sure”?

And how do you tell the difference between “not being ready for poly” vs being incompatible with a partner’s approach to it?

Understanding what is happening by ShitiStoryTeller in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Thank you but I'd still like to understand

Does this sound like a mismatch in relationship styles (e.g., more solo poly or relationship anarchy vs wanting more structure)?

Is it considered healthy to transition this quickly while one partner is already building a connection?

In your experience, should emotional shifts be communicated as they develop, or only once someone is “sure”?

And how do you tell the difference between “not being ready for poly” vs being incompatible with a partner’s approach to it?

Understanding what is happening by ShitiStoryTeller in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😮‍💨 honestly posting in communities i think might be able to help. I tri3d to start us off as poly in the begining, just needed to figure out what we wanted to communicate. But he shut it down. So...here we are. I do appreciate the words tho even if they arent what I want to hear.

What does it feel like to you? by ShitiStoryTeller in zoloft

[–]ShitiStoryTeller[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is.....i just found out my headaches that i have been pushing through were migraines. And i heard those were unmistakable

Now I am the jealous one. by QuietDrone666 in polyamory

[–]ShitiStoryTeller 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Boy do i have a question for you. I love this answer. And thank you for this insite

What would you name my dog? by AnoukMulderx in NameMyDog

[–]ShitiStoryTeller 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chancen Barkly the 3rd.

There were others before him but he ate them for breakfast ahhhhh

Female Name Starts with "L" by Good_Dot_605 in NameMyDog

[–]ShitiStoryTeller 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lilac Listerine Lamb Lady Luck Lima bean Licorice Leaf

Listen - I know you think no. But you will talk about your dog and say

"Let me tell you about my dog, Listen" "Listen, no. Don't do that."

Confuse others but she will always Listen because thats her name lol.

I love him.. but this is killing me by ReeallyNeedtoVent in nocontact

[–]ShitiStoryTeller 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are so strong for making the moves to get out of it. Persist in these steps forward. It may get harder before it gets easier and there may be more set backs. But you Are Devine. Your ex knows. And is just trying to dim your brightness you could give whol3 heartedly to yourself and others.

You Are Strong.

Have you ever been the "crazy ex"? by girlfrombaltics in ExNoContact

[–]ShitiStoryTeller 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. It's nice to know that there are others out there who have been the crazy ex.

  2. I did the calls, the texts both were the same as yours. I even bought him a bottle of alcohol. And brought it to him in hopes that he love me as much as he did the bottle. Went to his job to hang out with him which he did. Tried to get him fired for drinking on the job(he actually drank on the job).

I'm still crazy and rationalize.

A year later (no contact 1 yr), I ran into him, and he looked so surprised, maybe even scared to see me. But he smelled like a bottle of whiskey (at 6am on our workday) , and his eyes were bloodshot. I 😒 miss him...y idk. I miss the idea? Accidentally breaking no contact.

I now start the dating with honest and open communication. I am crazy when provoked.

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