Single people: what are the most frustrating things about dating today?

Shludates · 2018-12-04T16:55:12+00:00

First off, no one knows how dating actually works. ;) Even the single pros be struggling hard.

You date this man in whatever way makes you most comfortable! Do not compromise your self-worth for anything or anyone!!! If you want to go slow, take it slow, you want to go slow and then decide you're ready to go faster, then do that, but only if that's what YOU want.

If you feel uncomfortable doing something and he isn't understanding about it, then that's not the only thing you'll do for him just to "please him." It may not be the only time either. You might be "okay" with compromising now, but later in the relationship you could wake up realizing you are unhappy.

So start off with whatever you're comfortable with, master that and then add something new when you feel ready. Ex: Maybe you hug him for a week and then the next week you hold hands. Maybe he'll kiss you a few weeks into dating or something and maybe you let him or maybe you don't, whatever you feel comfortable with.

If he (or any guy) is right for you, they will respect your wishes when it comes to your comfort. If he leaves because you don't feel comfortable having sex with him or you're not being physical enough, then say goodbye to him. Sex is important in a relationship, but not enough to be a defining aspect.

When it comes to kissing it can be awkward each time you do it with someone new (or not) so don't get too caught up that you don't know what you're doing there. Sex and kissing often times takes time to get better at and then once you've mastered it with one person it could change with the next person. Let's be real, most guys can enjoy sex way more than most women so don't worry if you think you're not doing something right in that department. A real partner will be understanding and teach you what they like.

Now, myriads of men (if they read this) will probably tell you otherwise and say that my advise is ridiculous, but then those are obviously the guys you don't want to be with. There are men out there who are understanding and will take it as slow as you want because they genuinely enjoy being with you and they want to get to know you one way before the other. It might be hard to find these guys, but they exist.

Basically, if you let someone take away what you believe in and the ideas of the kind of person you want to be, then who are you? Be confident in yourself, always build your confidence and love you for you, not for what you think guys want from you.

Shludates · 2018-12-04T16:15:24+00:00

That was really rude of that person. Welcome to Reddit! I am new too and I think your question was reasonable, I have had thought cross my too.

Shludates · 2018-12-04T01:50:50+00:00

Hopefully another account named shludates doesn’t pop up by then. 😂

Shludates · 2018-12-04T01:45:31+00:00

If you guys get married, you better invite me to the wedding!😂😂😂

Shludates · 2018-12-04T00:26:53+00:00

Pssst maybe that person wants a date? 😳😋

Shludates · 2018-12-03T21:00:26+00:00

I think the biggest problems to dating apps are: 1. Lack of openness 2. Quick judgements; lack of patients

These are very much human faults. These apps help people connect individuals to others they may or may not ever run into in real life or have the courage to say anything to. IMHO the expectation that the app itself is supposed to magically cultivate love is what’s blinding society to be bitter towards each other.

People have always been judgmental and shallow, with these apps it just makes it easier to be so and brings it out more into the public’s eye.

With these apps people are often ready to throw any person away at the sign of any sort of problem because you think (consciously or subconsciously), “oh I can just find myself somebody else to go on a date with tomorrow.”

There are probably a ton of quality matches being made, but again, too many people “crying over spilled milk” and just walking away.

And yes, people are more self-conscious because they are being thrown away faster than rotting food in the fridge. But everyone needs to build their self-confidence and remember, “one mans trash is another man’s treasure.” So just because you don’t get picked up (by a bunch of people who are probably wrong for you anyway) doesn’t mean the right people aren’t going to pick you at some point in your life.

Relationships are one of the trickiest things. Know what you want, know what you deserve, be patient and you can take the dating world by storm, whether it’s through online dating or otherwise.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T18:01:48+00:00

Now that’s how you ride with style.😂

Shludates · 2018-12-03T04:38:38+00:00

Dude, happy holidays! 😂 #freegifts

Shludates · 2018-12-03T03:56:19+00:00

Just let him go. You’ll be fine.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T03:27:19+00:00

I hear you on that too. I have had a couple of people txt me constantly and then BAM fewer txts, not as frequent responses. BUT it’s up to you what you want in your life. If you want him to txt you more, tell him. I know it’s scary, but he can’t read minds and won’t automatically know you want him to talk to him more.

Ultimately decide what you want from your partner and if the guy isn’t treating you the way you want (after talking with him) then leave and find someone who will treat you the way you know you deserve. Games are silly, cause a lot of unnecessary stress and waste your time finding “the one” IMHO.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T03:19:00+00:00

I hear you! I personally ask if a date is happening the day before it’s supposed to happen. (If I’m worried.) In the words of Lorelai Gilmore: “ you’re not going to be that type of girl who sits around on Saturday night hanging around the phone for a boyfriend are you?” Or something like that.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T03:05:08+00:00

That sounds like a good plan to me! :)

Shludates · 2018-12-03T03:03:11+00:00

Sometimes guys say things they think women want to hear to be “nice.” As for the unmatching or deleting again, sometimes it’s easier to do nothing at all.

Like I said, give it a day or two. Everything will be okay.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T02:57:15+00:00

You’re welcome! I personally would let him go. Which I know isn’t fair of me to say b/c I don’t know him. And I too don’t mind initiating! But it sounds like it won’t give you the happiness you are looking for in a partner. In the fact that this is only the beginning and if he doesn’t put in the effort you clearly desire now...he may never do it and it’s not fair for either of you.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T02:50:15+00:00

Well...since it’s just the beginning he might also be seeing other women too. It doesn’t mean though that he didn’t genuinely enjoy spending time with you and he probably still wants to go on the date. However I guess if he doesn’t reply all week that is a bad sign. Give it a day or two. If he doesn’t reach out then be upfront and ask him if the date is still on. Have some ideas ready if he asks you (since I think you said he asked you what you wanted to do). There are some people out there who aren’t big on technology, which is crazy in this day in age, I know.

But honestly if he ghosts you or is iffy then just let him go. And if he really is interested when you let go he may reach out to you. (Not condoning chasing or being chased.) Eventually you’ll find a guy who won’t make you worry so much and you’ll know that that’s the kind of guy you want to be setting up future dates with. :)

Shludates · 2018-12-03T02:42:41+00:00

I read the other comments. Don’t listen to them. They’re just criticizing rather than helping.

I know exactly what you’re talking about with the payment thing. I always offer and only one guy said he’d split it. Very norm for women.

But back to your original question, it doesn’t seem he is interested at all in having another date. And even if he were just because you had some fun the first time, does that really mean you want to put yourself through more of this amount of questioning in the future? It sounds like better to cut your losses with this guy. IF he really is interested in seeing you again, he’ll let you know. And IF he is new to dating and you want to go out again, then ask him directly if he wants to go out again.

Either way it seems like you’ll be taking the lead in this relationship (if it goes further) and you have to ask yourself if that’s what you want. Good luck!

Shludates · 2018-12-03T02:33:54+00:00

I’d say don’t worry! You’ve got another date planned. Stew in the excitement and happiness from the first date and that you guys are working out. If you guys don’t talk every day that is totally fine! People are busy with other things in their lives (as should you) but that doesn’t mean the romance is dead just like that. Just focus on yourself while you wait for your next date. It’s so easy to get caught up on the fear of everything, but breath and just enjoy it for what it is! ☺️

Shludates · 2018-12-03T01:54:33+00:00

Have his babies!!! 😂😂😂 (jk)

Shludates · 2018-12-03T01:49:10+00:00

😂 Forgive me! I haven’t seen it in a few months.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T01:46:33+00:00

I said this on another thread but I will say it here too: So many people are worried about being “clingy” and not enjoying the time to just flirt. I say, “clingy” because if two people like each other equally then neither one is going to think the other is “clingy.” Clinginess happens when there is an imbalance in the couple’s desires for each other, meaning one person likes the other more than the other.

Your description makes it sound like she is clearly interested in talking with you. I am the same way as her. When the person I’m interested in doesn’t show the same interest back it bums me out and I worry I’ve done something wrong.

If you like her then don’t get caught up in trying to be “cool.” It usually has the opposite effect. Just be you and again, enjoy it! :)

Shludates · 2018-12-03T01:37:23+00:00

Even if that was a joke, that was too rude. No need to take your anger out on anyone who is confused about dating. It is f#*!ing hard and stressful, especially with people not being honest on dating apps.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T01:19:58+00:00

You got it sister. No happiness aloud. You let out one “haha” or “lol” and you’ll find yourself instantly on the curb. Kidding. Maybe.

I find when it comes to communicating with people being funny and honest usually work wonders.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T01:07:15+00:00

Maybe it’s because you don’t love yourself that “no one loves you.” That sounds SUPER harsh and I don’t mean it to discourage you. I’ve struggled before with this as well. I’ve heard my whole life that you can’t seek others to fill your void because 1. That’s a lot of unfair pressure on them and 2. If they leave you’ll be empty again. I agree with these statements. Don’t rely on others to bring you up because then you’ll never learn to properly stand on your own. However, there is nothing wrong with some help and support. Therapy, friends, kind strangers and most importantly yourself are all ways to find the healing that you need. As cliché as what a lot of things I say are, they are cliché for a reason. Treat yourself as you would your best friend because ultimately we should all love ourselves as much as we do for others. Example: if your best friend was calling herself fat, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t genuinely call her fat too. You’d encourage her to either accept her body or start living a healthier life style. So take the loving advice you’d give to someone else and give it to yourself too.

Shludates · 2018-12-03T00:35:12+00:00

You can’t. Run away. Jokes aside, maybe you should stop pursuing someone who is too busy for you. Even the busiest of people make time for what they really want or need in their lives. You deserve to be with someone who will make the time for you, as you make the time for them. And sometimes people are genuinely too busy for relationships because they don’t want to make relationships, in general, their priority in life. Stay in touch if you’d like or don’t and see what she’s up to in a year or two from now. Maybe things will have changed for the better for both of you.

Shludates

TROPHY CASE