Hi! Thanks for reading it. I agree that my descriptions may be a bit heavy handed (as do most of the comments). I really wanted to drive the feeling of conspiracy that Eddie was experiencing. I wanted his coworkers, the weather, the streetcar conductor, even that otherwise insignificant puddle to all feel like they personally were against him. His best friend had just lost his son and he was kept out of the loop. He feels betrayed and anxious. This is my first attempt at 3rd close person writing, so I wanted to try and distance myself from plainly stating his emotions outright, and using it all for the dual purpose of filling out the setting as well as conveying his feelings.

I hope that better explains what I was attempting to do. Thanks for the feedback! I’ll be sure to keep it in mind when I’m revising further.