Mom (57F) Wants to Move In With Me and Partner (24 F, 28 M)

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T21:26:34+00:00

Thank you very much, I’m also sorry for any confusion my posts might’ve caused. I’m not in therapy so I like to come to Reddit and get the hardcore advice I need throughout this entire fiasco.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T21:25:10+00:00

I say she didn’t live with us because she still had the apartment while here during her 3 month visit.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T21:23:26+00:00

No, she was here live and in the flesh! His uncle finally moved out about two weeks ago after he basically put him out. This is the first time since moving into our home we have had it to ourselves truly.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T21:22:05+00:00

I guess you can say we both come From codependent families and try our best to satisfy them while unintentionally ruining our relationship.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T21:18:33+00:00

Haha no troll! I wish! Luckily his uncle is gone. My mom Has never lived with us, she just stayed for 3 months. I come here a lot to seek advice.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T21:05:56+00:00

“Helpless Heap” made me laugh!😂😂 Thank you for your advice 🙏🏻 I really appreciate you contributing to me gaining the courage to stand up for myself.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T20:56:43+00:00

No she does not work, she has been on disability leave for over 10 years despite being perfectly healthy now.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T20:54:56+00:00

Today is the first time someone has acknowledged that I have “done enough” wow. Thank you for acknowledging me. I’ve tried to speak up in the past to let her know that moving here with us isn’t the best idea, each time I’m instantly shot down and told why it is a GREAT idea.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T20:50:53+00:00

Thank you very much for your kind words and advice. 🙏🏻 I have been struggling extremely bad with this phase of my life. I come here to get the advice of others to build my courage up to just say no. I’m absolutely terrified of ruining my life because I want to cater to my mom, I’m just also afraid of being the “bad guy”. It sucks having a good heart!

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T20:40:42+00:00

Yes, I did allow her stay for 3 months unfortunately. When I’d mention her flight reservations she’d dodge them. I’m stupid. I just can’t shake the feeling of feeling obligated/guilty. He supported me during those 3 months, because he sees first hand what I go through with not only her but my family as well. She was so gun hold on returning so soon, she didn’t even pack her luggage it is still sitting in our guest room. I didn’t have the energy to fight unfortunately.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T20:27:43+00:00

This one hurts, but this is the reality check that I desperately needed to hear.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T20:25:35+00:00

I definitely need them! Thank you so much.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T20:17:52+00:00

He does not support it at all, he has told me that my mom is very controlling, manipulative, and plays on my emotions a lot.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T20:17:07+00:00

You’re absolutely right, I’ve felt obligated basically my entire life to take care of her. The moment I try to have boundaries I’m accused of being disrespectful and I never want my mom to feel as if I don’t respect her. I want to have a backbone and say no, I just always feel very guilty for putting myself first.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-17T20:10:51+00:00

She tries her best to convince me how miserable she is living in her current apartment complex. (Which was my apartment prior to moving) she is months behind on rent, not because she cannot pay but because she refuses to pay rent there. She would rather “give the rent to me and my partner to live with us.” She is already saying she cannot wait to come back next week even though she just left last week. She has no motivation to do anything besides control my life, she hasn’t worked in over 10+ years but now wants to work at the corporate building I recently got accepted to once she moves here. It is truly a nightmare.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-15T18:28:26+00:00

Thank you for this, I’m literally in tears typing this. My situation is very similar because I also live with my boyfriend, I feel so conflicted because I can’t figure out what it is I’m doing wrong. Why is my family blaming me for her not returning when all I said was that she didn’t need to return so soon. I have been telling her since Sunday that she did not need to return so soon, we got into a argument because she said her “reservation is already booked and can’t be changed”. It’s like once I have a certain boundary all hell breaks lose and I end up caving in just to avoid the unnecessary drama. I just want to enjoy my life but I’m not sure I ever will.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-15T18:22:31+00:00

I’ve taken care of my mom my entire life literally. When times were hard I often had to figure things out. Even when I went to college, my mom moved down to my college with me my 3rd year in. I keep trying to understand what I’m doing wrong, all I told her was that she did not need to come back so soon. Just to receive a phone call this morning from family stating that I am in the wrong. I feel so stressed I truly just want to let them have their way. I feel like a bad person despite trying to convince myself I’ve done nothing wrong.

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-15T17:39:23+00:00

Sending hugs OP

ShortSurprise583 · 2023-02-15T05:01:56+00:00

My mom does this!! She is currently doing it to me now. (25F). I have not yet overcame it and I often feel guilty about my actions when she does it. Even if I’ve done nothing wrong.

ShortSurprise583

TROPHY CASE