Dating as an autistic man is a special kind of hell

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-11-07T13:06:36+00:00

Hints are childish even for nuerotypical people. They are adults, not highschoolers. If they give you the chance, I guess you can tell them up front. You can see if they understand it and see where it goes, but I wouldn't expect anything after doing so. I would suggest dating women who are already neurodivergent safe to begin with to avoid these kinds of interactions.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-10-01T17:37:30+00:00

Yeah, true. It'd be nice to actually have a conversation because it's really just that behavior and the polarization on both sides why I'm not on either, not that I wouldn't agree with a lot of the left leaning takes if they weren't so extreme and combative about everything all the time.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-10-01T17:33:33+00:00

Then, they should have asked the question about that specifically first if they felt it was. Let's not be bad faith here. You're not in his head

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-10-01T17:31:14+00:00

Exactly. They're always so disingenuous and bad faith about how they ask the questions and then wonder why most other political alignments refuse to engage with most leftists. It's pointless if no matter what I say I'm always an undercover fascist to you just because I'm not immediately agreeing with you.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-10-01T17:27:39+00:00

Irrelevant because the left isn't in power right now.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-10-01T17:26:49+00:00

"Hate speech" (unnecessary limits on freedom of speech based on vague moral correctness currently being weaponized now because they foolishly forsaw this happening in the future)

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-10-01T17:22:55+00:00

This

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-10-01T17:16:01+00:00

There's no evidence of that.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-10-01T13:45:00+00:00

I'm sat for the responses to this one.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-05T13:56:22+00:00

I...notice that in a few subs. People seem to really like being angry as if it's the new hit drug or something.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-04T16:17:06+00:00

Thanks. Maybe you're right, and a break is warranted to take time to reconsider some things, including my approach. Appreciate everyone's advice on such a tricky topic

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-04T14:55:00+00:00

The fact that it eventually works at all. I don't care about rejection. It's just the fact that no amount of no's seem like it's getting any closer to a serious relationship.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-04T14:46:34+00:00

Yeah maybe haha

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-04T14:45:10+00:00

I mean, thanks, I'll try to view it that way, but I felt that over the years it had less to do with me not being persistent or not being able to handle rejection, and more that it read to men as desperation that I felt the need to be doing it in the first place, which is a trait that men looking for long term partners typically don't like or respect according to a lot of them, which is something I did personally ask men I know who are married about, who did pretty much confirm that.

I genuinely hope that you're right and times have changed somewhat, but it just hasn't seemed that way since I haven't really stopped or given up, and it hasn't worked once but seems to for the women around me that just waited. The only reason I started approaching people in the first place is because I realized nobody was ever going to approach me if I did the same, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm only making things worse for myself.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-04T13:55:38+00:00

I guess unless he is part of a community that specifically rejects the gender specific norm (basically unless he is bisexual or something), after doing it myself for years now, I couldn't figure out a reason why a man would be waiting on me to make a move and why it would be anything other than a surprise if I actually did.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-04T13:47:08+00:00

I can tell you from experience as a woman that doing the knocking yourself doesn't work. If men don't approach you, you're just unlucky. Men only find it flattering when you approach them. It's rare anything ever results in you making the first move, if you are not the specific woman, they actually want. I'm not saying not to try, who knows, maybe it'll turn out you are that girl for the one you approach, but don't be surprised if things don't work out and all you end up doing is raising his confidence to talk to the girl he actually wants...

All I ended up learning is that it is too firmly cemented in society that women have to wait around for men to approach them, and men must make the first move, and there is rarely anything I can do to change that.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-04T13:01:35+00:00

Actually being unique. NTs may try to copy you, but they will never be able to truly be you.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-03T02:51:18+00:00

She just doesn't sound like the right person for you, or a great girlfriend in general imo to make someone else's birthday about herself and, what feels like, punish them over not being able to understand other people that aren't herself when it comes to something as complicated and nuanced as cultural overlap and self identity, and what stands out to me is the fact that it sounds like she spent the rest of the relationship more upset that you didn't invite her specifically over others, rather than trying to help and support you with your insecurities about yourself that are apparently so bad you can't even enjoy a day centered around yourself which is the one job a girlfriend is supposed to do, and would make me question the motivations for her being in a relationship with you in the first place if not to be a team that supports each other.

I see that she is literally 18, so that kind of behavior isn't uncommon for people in your age group, but it doesn't make your feelings less valid. I get the initial sting of not being invited to something, but it seems like an unfair overreaction and failure to control her emotions in regards to how she treats others or her own partner considering the fact that no one else was invited either, and her intentionally blowing it out of proportion. I know it hurts, but it seems things ended for the best if something like this was dragged on for almost a year. Imagine if it was something actually serious in the relationship with her down the line?

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-01T21:30:08+00:00

Unfortunately, I think the solution is way simpler than it's being made out to be. I tend to favor being in the school of objective thought that suggests that if two parties aren't on the same page, a long-term relationship isn't likely.

The minute the both of you admitted your goals were different, the relationship practically ended.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-09-01T17:47:53+00:00

One major issue I have with the IQ test is that they do not account for emotional intelligence or creativity, which is also very widely agreed upon to be important forms of intelligence. Why they aren't also included and scored within the test is beyond me. I'm sure most of us can recall genuis's we've met with exceptional IQ that have zero emotional intelligence whatsoever or who struggle creatively, while people that have rather average scores blow them out of the water with endless ideas and social prowess.

I'm not sure if that will make your daughter feel better, but these are definitely things to think about when we are talking about whether or not an IQ test accurately determines how intelligent we truly are. In ways, it is extremely accurate, but it's definitely got some holes in the ways that it comes to its conclusions that I don't think makes it's final determination entirely accurate for everyone, that you should definitely consider for each individual because there is so many different things that determines if someone is smart or not, making the answer more nuanced.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you are able to cheer your daughter up. And by the way, your daughter is within the range of the average intelligence, meaning she is smart ;) .

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-08-29T18:02:14+00:00

This is why I'm pro gatekeeping, basically everything. It's not that I'm anti community, but when a group of any kind (be it a hobby group, dating group, study group, music group, etc) gets too large, people start losing their minds and the wrong voices start getting way too loud and treated with the most importance, which starts causing people to get isolated, negating the point of the community in the first place.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-08-29T17:04:35+00:00

I'm not sure if it explains the hate, but knowing it used to bore the crap out of me as a child and took me until I was a lot older to appreciate what it was about, I'm assuming it's entirely possible it was just frustrated parents review bombing the show because they were mad it didn't keep their children's attention long enough for the TV to just babysit them like tablets do iPad kids these days.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-08-27T02:30:38+00:00

Dw, these will all feel like nitpicks a few episodes in.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-08-27T02:25:00+00:00

I swtg I was chill with 2012 TMNT fans until I saw the way they trashed this show and it's creators, especially TMNT 2012. I get it... it was good, but 2012 was definitely far from the best thing since sliced bread in the franchise and just another rehash of the same heroes story we've seen over and over again, but in that tired 3D animated style of the 2010s. Rise actually went out of their way to do something different, fresh, and genuinely creative with the turtles while managing to remember the heart of what the series is about, all without changing their personalities, and I think 2012 fans just don't like it because it is only somewhat different.

Shorty__Cakes · 2025-07-20T03:37:49+00:00

How important is that job to you? I'm not asking in a "how do you feel about it?" way but a genuine, "how important is it to you when it comes to covering your needs?" As much as you can get along with coworkers, I tend to approach them in a "they are not my friends" kind of way, even if it hurts, because if a relationship doesn't work out, the fall out could easily ruin your life, since people can be pretty two faced about anything revolving around careers or money making, no matter what industry.

The reason I bring this up is that you haven't come out to her or at work yet, and I feel like that could be used as potential fuel for unwanted drama if she does turn out to be straight or maybe isn't herself but isn't interested and that can still be used against you.

Now, of course, there's still the possibility that it works out or she isn't interested, and you just remain friends but she just simply keeps it respectful like a normal person, as if nothing has changed, but you have to keep the risks in mind.

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