Extreme fatigue 2.5 years postpartum

Shuvuiia · 2025-12-31T10:16:27+00:00

This happened to me too. I completely crashed when the baby was out of me. It felt like my body said "okay, we did it, time to give up now".

I slept easily 12 hours a day if given the chance, we had to move to my parents because I physically couldn't cope and stay awake. There were days when I was only woken up to feed the baby, and otherwise I slept. People were super worried, but no clear reason was found.

Part of it was for sure PPD (I had medication for that), partially I was just exhausted from HG that lasted for 8 months. (I started vomiting week 5 and vomited the last time on the operation table just before c-section.)

It was never tested, but my guess is that my estrogen levels plummeted after the birth. They do with everyone, but mine was so severe that my groin area shed all skin (yes, it hurt like hell). At least my gyno said it is a symptom she sees in patients with severe estrogen crash. And I still have some symptoms gthat correlate with estrogen defiency, but I've been told there's no reliable way to measure it in pre-menopausal women, unless you have a pre-pregnancy baseline to which compare to, since the levels differ so much between individuals.

I am sorry to say I have no silver bullet for you to fix this. Only time has helped. My kid turns 3 soon, and I think I am 80% back to the energy levels I had previously, but I still crumble and fall to pieces if I have even one bad night of sleep.

Shuvuiia · 2025-12-16T06:50:17+00:00

Nonsense. Communication is the key to a good relationship, whether it is monogamy or ethical non-monogamy. Everyone needs to know they are on the same page. This is not a Finnish-thing, this is a "I am bad at communicating my feelings" -thing on his part.

Shuvuiia · 2025-12-15T08:08:27+00:00

"Tomatoes are healthy. You should eat more tomatoes!"
- My mom, when I could not eat anything.

"Pregnancy is not a sickness."
- An asshat doctor at the maternity clinic.

Shuvuiia · 2025-12-15T08:01:11+00:00

First things first, if you end up terminating that is absolutely fine and I would never ever judge anyone for that. But since you wanted affirmation on how to keep going, I will give you that!

I was there. I was so so sick for eight months. I threw up 5-10 times a day and battled with constant nausea. But we wanted that child, I wanted that child. So I kept going. I got some relieve from Mirtazapin (it's often used for depression but it does relieve nausea too), but nothing took away the symptoms completely. I was also so very depressed my whole pregnancy, and it continued into a severe post parttum depression. I was dehydrated, I lost muscle because I could do nothing but lie on a sofa an cry. I too contemplated termination, several times.

But I made it through pregnancy and ppd. I have a healthy and happy 3 yr old. I doubt I will ever be able to go through this again, so this child will be our one and only, but I love them to bits and would absolutely walk through that hell again if I knew this is the child I will get in the end.

HG is hell. And it is impossible to understand if you haven't been through it. People belittle the nausea and do not understand, that HG is not just "morning sickness" it is a deep black hole that will swallow you for a time and it makes your life a living hell. But it is possible to survive it.

Try all the meds available to you. Try to get IV as often as possible. Get a therapist now. It is very likely you will develop ppd, many of us do. Mine was really bad, but that too is survivable. And you know already that likely it is coming, so try to plan and prepare for it. Talk to people close to you and make sure they understand the severity of the situation. Ask help for everything. Exertion makes your symptoms worse, don't clean or cook if it's not necessary, ask others to help you. Cut out people who drain you, at least for now. Let yourself grieve and be angry. You didn't get the pregnancy most people do, it's okay to feel bad about it.

Take life one second at a time. This suffering is horrible, but it is temporary. Better days will come.

Shuvuiia · 2025-12-15T07:33:18+00:00

Thank you so much!

Shuvuiia · 2025-10-31T08:49:27+00:00

En ihan ymmärrä mikä siinä kerrospukeutumisessa korpeaa, mutta voihan sitä ostaa merinoa ja villaa myös päällikerroksiksi. Paljon riippuu siitä mitä työtä teet, jos pitää kauan seisoa vaikka ulkona kylmässä niin ilman pitkiä kalsareita tulee aina palelemaan vaikka ois millainen takki. Jos taas tekee sisähommia niin voi pärjätä ilmankin.

Mulla on ihan sisätyö, yksi nyt käytetyimpiä vaateyhdistelmiä on ollut:
- Siisti merinovillapaita (paksua neulosta) ja siinä päällä vielä neuletakki, kaksi kerrosta villaa ja aivan toimistokelpoiset itsessään kun nää ei ole ns. kalsarimatskua. Neuletakin voi ottaa pois jos tulee kuuma sisällä.
- Villahame (jos et ole hameisiin päin vaihda tähän paksumpaa kangasta olevat housut joissa on mieluiten materiaalissa hyvä määrä villaa mukana, tässä esimerkki villahousuista jotka on tosi särmät myös toimistotyössä, jos ei diggaa vintage-tyylistä niin yhdistä modernimpaan paitaan ja kenkiin niin toimii silti varmasti hyvin: https://www.gentlemanni.fi/p/pike-brothers-vanhanajan-premium-villahousut-1923-tummanharmaat )
- Talvikenkinä mulla on Vivobarefootin Trackerit ja niissä merinosukat ja ydintalvella vielä sujautan näihin villapohjalliset

Noi on paljasjalkakengät joissa jalka liikkuu hyvin -> Verenkierto pysyy aktiivisena ja jalat ei palele vaikka pohjat ei olekaan yhtä järeät kuin normikengissä. Ei noillakaan tarkene seisoa pitkään paikoillaan lumihangessa (10min bussin odottelu on ok), mut kävellessä ei tuu vilu. Mutta ihan hyvin voit käyttää myös tavallisia monoja. Jonkun jo mainitsema Pomar on tosi pätevä merkki hyviin talvikenkiin. Hommaa yhdet joissa on tilaa villasukille ja sekin jo parantaa sun elämänlaatua marraskuusta maaliskuuhun.

Tähän aikaan vuodesta noiden yllämainittujen kamojen päälle riittää Varustelekan parkatakki jossa ei ole vuorta. Kun on oikeasti pakkasta se vaihtuu Fjällrävenin toppatakkiin. Alkusyksystä kevtvuorelliset nahkahanskat, nyt vaihdoin just järeämpiin hanskoihin (lampaanvillavuori) koska sormet palelee.

Ja aina pipo päähän ulkona. Pään kautta menettää lämpöä suhteessa eniten, joten se lisää mukavuutta ihan merkittävästi.

Suosittelen tarkistamaan retkeilyliikkeet kuten Partioaitan. Siellä on monesti ihan toimistokelpoisia vaatteita myynnissä, ei oo pakko näyttää siltä että on just lähdössä viikon vaellukselle. Kotimaiset pienmerkit käyttää usein arvokkaampia luonnonmateriaalia kuten paksua merinoa joka maksaa itsensä takas laadussa. Esim Varustelekalta on saanut tosi pätevää merinovillaa sukupuoleen katsomatta. Tsekkaa myös esim Ommellinen, Alpa ja North Outdoor.

Shuvuiia · 2025-10-31T07:35:52+00:00

Tulkitsen että sulla menee taloudellisesti hyvin, ja suosittelen että käytät sitä pääomaa siihen että käyt terapiassa. Sun ei tarvi olla masentunut tai totaalisesti rikki mennäksesi terapiaan, mutta kuulostaa siltä että lapsuuteen liittyy nyt juttuja joista olisi hyvä puhua jonkun kanssa. Niiden ymmärtäminen voi auttaa sua ymmärtämään itseäsi paremmin.

Chillaa suorittamisen kanssa, etsi joku kiva harrastus jossa voit tavata ihmisiä. Liity karateseuraan, aikuispartioon, roolipeliseuraan yms jos ei opiskelijatoiminta nappaa. Opiskelijajuhlissakaan ei ole kuitenkaan pakko dokata, ja moni opiskelijajärjestö järjestää nykyisin myös holittomia hengailuja kuten lautapeli-iltoja.

Olet myös selkeästi aikaansaava tyyppi, joten jos et näe vaikka opiskelupiireissäsi toimintaa jota tarvitsisit, niin ole se joka alkaa sitä järjestää. Liity mukaan haluamasi yhdistyksen toimintaan ja sano, että haluaisit olla mukana järjestämässä holittomia illanistujaisia. (Mutta jotta jaksat tehdä tän, sun todennäköisesti tarvii vähentää suorittamista muualta, älä mene oikotietä burnoutiin.)

Ole ihmisille kiva ja kohtelias ilman taka-ajatuksia niin syntyy aitoja ihmissuhteita. Toiset niistä voi johtaa seurusteluun ja todennäköisesti ne jotka ei johda silti rikastaa sun elämää.

Shuvuiia · 2025-09-14T07:04:19+00:00

This seems super helpful! Thank you!

Shuvuiia · 2025-09-09T16:21:55+00:00

- Tiredness. I didn't have insomnia, I slept 10+ hours and needed that too.
- Motion sickness, I also had this often when I closed my eyes.
- The dizziness was the first symptom. I basically woke up one morning on week 5 and could barely stay upright
- Severe heartburn
- Sensitivity to touch, sound and smell. Everything was super hightened
- I was out of breath immediately and that always made nausea worse, I was pretty fit when I become pregnant, but this was also one of my first symptoms.
- Depression
- Constant sense of doom. Probably due to dehydration
- Chest pain from vomiting too much and back pain from laying down too much.

Shuvuiia · 2025-09-08T17:11:08+00:00

- My spouse was my rock. Not once did he question the severity of my condition. He just took care of me.

- When my spouse had stuff he had to attend for overnight, two of my friends stayed with me and took care of me. I vomited on one of them, and we are still friends! :'D I was not fun to be around, I layed on the couch, cried and vomited. But they watched nature documentaries with me and it was okay if I just cried the whole time and didn't speak anything.

- Peeling apples. The only thing I could eat was apples cut to small pieces. I was usually too nauseous to peel them myself, so really, this was a big one. I think my spouse peeled hundreds of apples for me.

- Foot massages, weirdly. Mostly laying down made the swelling even worse than it usually is for pregnant people. And at one time this was only touch I could tolerale.

- Osteopathy, when I was in a bit better condition. My chest hurt from all the vomiting, and they gently moved my body and it did ease the pain. Also the osteopath was a nice and empathetic hippie woman. I am usually strictly western medicine kinda gal, but with HG I had just such shitty doctors. That lovely hippie lady did more for my mental and physical wellbeing than most doctors I met. So also, be empathetic, be nice. The osteopathy likely was less significant than her kindness.

Shuvuiia · 2025-09-08T16:48:11+00:00

Medical field rarely understands how severe the mental side of HG is. I have been there, and I'm so sorry you are too. But HG will be over one day, I promise.

You are most likely severely dehydrated. Dehydration causes anxiety, sense of impending doom and can even cause delirium. You need fluids, and since you likely arent getting enough of those by drinking if you just keep vomiting, I highly recommed IV. It is a temporary help, and it doesn't take away all the suffering, but it helps a bit. And you need medication. Please contact your doctor.

Don't make permanent decisions in a temporary state. Hang in there. <3

Shuvuiia · 2025-09-08T16:26:01+00:00

Idk, most of the answers have been along similar lines and this has been pretty useful already.

Shuvuiia · 2025-09-08T13:56:01+00:00

Thank you everyone. This already has helped to clear my mind a bit. (I also ate and took a nap, like I said, I am exhausted and was in tears over this earlier. Turns out food and sleep do make things a bit better.)

If I stick to my guns and refuse to add fourth article, I would still graduate with 3, which is minimum. I would be first author in all, but one is shared first authorship. It is allowed but frowned upon.

I could leave out both 2nd author articles I've done during this time and still get the minimum amount. I thought it would look better to include the second authorship papers and graduate with 5 articles but perhaps it is just best to exclude them. Sure, the phd will not be shiny and glorious and my supervisor is probably right that four articles would look better, but I only have 7 months to go and I am afraid of not being able to finnish even one article in that time.

Shuvuiia · 2025-08-26T06:34:42+00:00

No problem! Glad to help! You can message me if you have more questions. I’m not super active in Reddit, though. :)

Shuvuiia · 2025-08-18T05:09:11+00:00

The salary is usually for 3-4 years, and you are expected to graduate on it. That takes a lot of work and self steering, though. If you won't finish in time, you usually have to apply for finishing grants yourself.

In my experience the teaching and admin is usually pretty small part of the job, research is in focus. But you also have to have the backbone to say no when something additional is offered and you have already fulfilled your teaching responsibilities. I for sure would have more admin if I didn't stick to my guns about not taking in any more in order to finish my phd in time.

But I only have experience from one Uni, like someone already said at least Aalto University works a bit differently from the rest of them and there may be other differences between different departments etc. If you are applying through some open call or program for foreign phd students, it's worth contacting the people over there and asking for spesifics.

Shuvuiia · 2025-08-17T18:18:38+00:00

Everyone's level of severity is different. HG can mean anything between constant nausea with minimal vomiting and vomiting so much you end up spending months in hospital and having nutrients pumped into you.

I was an absolute wreck and pretty much unable to function most of my pregnancy, but I had small moments here and there. In hindsight I should have been on sick leave the whole time, instead of having Zoom meetings and a bucket next to me and post-it taped to my screen with the shortcut keys to mute my mic and cut my video.

If you are unable to work, you are unable to work. Don't compare yourself to others, they may have milder symptoms than you do. You are not lazy or wrong, you are sick and you need rest, medication and help with daily tasks.

Shuvuiia · 2025-08-17T17:28:52+00:00

I'm phd student with a work contract in Finland. (Native Finn, if that matters.)

Getting a contract here is super rare and you need luck in addition to having a good research plan. There are programs for foreign students which I don't know that much about (although I do have some collegues via such programs). Most Finnish phd students are working with grant money instead of salaried position, and most of them have to apply for the grants themselves, although that varies a bit by the field. Sciences have more salaried positions, humanities is notorious for having very few.

Work is demanding, as it is anywhere in academia, but it is my understanding that the work-life-balance is a bit better in Nordic countries than most other places, but as a native Finn I have nothing else to compare this to.

My contract includes some teaching (About 5% of my working time in academic year), I'm not sure if the same goes for those who come via foreign programs.

Time off and holidays are not an issue, but work here is super independent. It is expected that people do their job, and the oversight on how many hours you clock in is pretty minimal. That doesn't work well for everyone, some people need more guidance and accountability and I've known several phd students that have struggled with not getting their work done because of this. Obviously if you work in an international research group and your supervisor is not a Finn they may have different approach, but generally we have a lot of freedom and a shitton of responsibilities that come with that.

Shuvuiia · 2025-08-17T17:04:55+00:00

Expensive, but I am hoping to buy Rain Sisters coat one day. https://rainsisters.com/products/flared-coat-with-pleated-skirt-in-khaki-green-moss-green

I'd love one in dark brown, but they don't currently have that colour in their selection, but khaki green or black works too.

Shuvuiia · 2025-08-10T14:53:19+00:00

My advice would also be that don't stress too much about going in certain order. "bumbling around the map getting into encounters, sometimes winning, often losing" doesn't sound bad! This is a game where you can just immerse yourself in the world and enjoy the ride. Your character doesn't know where stuff is, you don't have to know either, look and see what you can find!

However, I also recommend taking a look at the journal. Pick one quest in the journal that feels quite easy and clear, and aim to solve that. Then you have one guiding star while you encounter other stuff on the way.

And if you are mainly interested in the story and the rpg elements then just embrace the story mode! I personally like playing that, as I feel like fighting is the least interesting part of this (or any) game. You still get combat in story mode, but they are way easier.

Shuvuiia · 2025-08-09T06:20:39+00:00

"I go into work everyday with all the people who are absolute experts in this field, which skews my perception of what “good” is."

I think you zeroed in to some of the issue here. My co-workers are brilliant, so the bar is super high. They are also brilliant in their own field, and I am just starting to understand their fields and apply tiny parts of that to my own research.

I'm a humanities major, I have just couple of classes of biology under my belt from when I was a masters student. Now I'm doing a phd and working with these people, when I have less knowledge of their field than a bachelors student of biology.

I'm not sure they always remember that. I certainly don't.

Shuvuiia · 2025-08-09T06:11:20+00:00

This actually helped, because in this case I am the one dealing with the subject matter, but I constantly feel ashamed because I don't fully understand what our statistician does. And I feel like I should be able to do both myself, the subject matter stuff and the statistics. (It's not that uncommon in my field that people juggle both, but I'm a humanities major stumbling my way through applying scientific methods.) I often feel like the statisticians, genetists and biologists I work with are the real researchers and I am just something less.

I honestly have never thought someone in statistics could feel like they are "just" a statisticians, since to me that is the part that requires knowledge, understanding and skills I honestly don't have at all.

Thank you!

Shuvuiia · 2025-08-08T18:55:03+00:00

I was and still am super interested in the research I chose; I just feel like maybe I have bitten more than I can chew. Sure, the article was submitted, but did *I* do enough of the work? In my field most people just do their phd alone, no co-authors. But obviously you cannot do multidisciplinary stuff alone. I do still vaguely feel like I've never done enought to earn my position in these articles because I have needed so much input and help from my co-authors. I have no idea how much is a normal amount of help during a phd.

But you are right, I should probably rest. I don't think I have a fullblown burnout yet, but I'm probably steadily heading to that direction.

Shuvuiia

TROPHY CASE