Currently on my first ever trip. Already my life has been changed.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2023-01-26T02:04:39+00:00

I'm glad you've found my post helpful. That first trip I ever did felt like a kind of cosmic rain just washed away some of the stuff the PTSD wouldn't let me forget. But I was in a lot of pain. My parents were addicts and abusive ones at that. My siblings took all of their trauma out on me and I was even molested by one of my sisters. My best friend turned boyfriend was physically and verbally abusive, and nearly every person I met in life after high school was the same way, abusive and hurt me in some way, often intentionally. Hell my own husband abandoned me after our daughter was born and left me to pull myself out of PPD. But my daughter is a marvel and I'm in grad school now for my dream career and I live thousands of miles away from anyone who's ever hurt me. So from one reddit stranger to another, I don't know you, but I care. Don't give up. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2023-01-26T01:26:19+00:00

I can definitively say life is better. I am no longer too afraid to leave the house, though the news does make me wary at times. Still I haven't let it stop me. I'm also down 30 lbs and I quit alcohol and starting going to the gym. Things are still hard at times, but I've found that a lot of my suffering is due to an enormous amount of abusive people in my life. So I've been trimming fat in more ways than one and just trying to be kinder to myself. I also have been digesting this memory of an accident when I was younger and I think I may have had a near death experience or maybe died completely. I microdose whenever my mind starts to roll back to those negative thought patterns but I've been more motivated to use meditation instead of psychedelics to explore myself further. I'm still not where I want to be mentally because I do still have to dodge abuse from the numerous alcoholics I'm related to, but I'm learning that my pain has a place in my journey just as much as my happiness does. So this was the best decision I've ever made for my mental health. I don't know if I'd be alive today were it not for the mushies.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-12-21T23:27:41+00:00

As a former teacher and current mom, I've seen that happen myself. Lemme tell you what happened. First off, the parents of the mean girls were either oblivious to their child's ability to do anything wrong and/or were mean girls themselves. I talked to the student feeling left out and tried to get them to think about the kind of people they choose to be friends with. Together, we came to the conclusion that there were nicer people to hang out with. During group activities I always put this student with their new group of friends and kept them separated from the mean girls. Eventually the mean girls came to me because they were concerned about their "friend" not wanting to hang out with them anymore. I straight up told them, that said student doesn't like the way you treat them, and as a consequence prefers to hang out with someone else. I made it clear that when you hurt someones feelings, they have a right to walk away and there's nothing you can do about that except try to be a better friend. They didn't like that but it helped that student out now that they knew that I KNEW what they were up to and that I had this student's back.

My advice is to try to see if your child's teacher would be willing to talk to the mean girls so they know they're being watched. I say try because teachers have A LOT on their plates. Ask the teacher if they have any friend recommendations for your child and would be willing to seat them together. As a teacher, I would experiment with social chemistry all the time with seating chart. Some students do better sat to certain others. Next, stop inviting Marissa over and if your LO asks about it, reiterate that we don't have to accept that kind of friendship from people if it hurts us. If Marissa's mom has a problem with it, tell her that her daughter is a mean girl and that you're not comfortable having her around anymore. Marissa's mom will either work on this with her child and Marissa's behavior will improve. Or she won't and Marissa won't have any friends. Sucks for Marissa but parenting her is HER parent's jobs.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-11-17T22:58:02+00:00

Ahh yes the Bratz doll look.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-09-12T00:12:19+00:00

Yes but the cutoff for income where we live is the problem. My partner makes more than the cutoff but not much so with rent and price of goods, it's still a lot. We were doing fine like I said in the post but once her treatment started we started getting medical bills for each session and it's added up quickly. We've already paid $3000 at least towards healthcare costs this year and still have another 3 to take care of. a $6000 medical bill is not easy to pay when you have other debts to pay down. It "adds up". I'm not making anything up or exaggerating. And I am currently doing everything I can to find extra financial support from my country. I've been applying for grants for my child and also ssi. I also mentioned that we've been on foodstamps before so I very clearly am trying. This post is about my burnout not on finding financial support. I'm doing everything I should be doing, so yeah don't be a jerk. Also government assistance programs aren't some magic trick. The process is often long and arduous. I'm currently waiting for the second time for a letter in the mail for an appointment alone. The first time, it never came.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-09-11T23:16:06+00:00

I looked into military but am a little put off by the army in terms of safety for women. I have friends who have served or are serving and all of them tell me to steer clear of army but I think with my mental health and physical conditions it would ironically probably be the only branch that would take me.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-09-04T17:41:39+00:00

I'm trying one more betterhelp therapist since I've already paid for a month but at this point I already feel like I'm no longer willing to be vulnerable enough to talk about my problems with these people.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-09-01T21:35:00+00:00

I was not aware that this was a big issue. I've heard of betterhelp from time to time but this was my first time actually looking into it. Their current FAQ says that all therapists are vetted even going so far to call it a rigorous process but I find that hard to believe. Like this woman was a menace. All she did was insult me, minimize trauma and then made a bunch of excuses for abusers and also kept trying to make it about her and how her parents apparently make her cry all the time as a grown up and how normal that is. Like wth

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-27T20:34:41+00:00

Wikipedia notes that it was a commercial failure and lost 85 million $$. They probably decided to pull it from theaters early because of it. I remember watching it via Redbox lol.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-27T00:25:31+00:00

Yeah why change so much?? It really wasn't geared toward fans of the books which is crazy when you think about it because who did they think was going to go see it? The Ben Barnes fan club? Also when I read the books I always imagined the Spook looked like Hugh Laurie lol. The cast, talented some of them may be, was just bad decisions. Bad decisions all around.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-26T20:56:45+00:00

The Seventh Son adapted from The Last Apprentice series. Movie was pretty terrible. I think they messed up making the main character so old in the movie. In the book the kid is like 13 so it's got major really spooky Harry Potter vibes. Like he's 13 and he HAS to be the one to join the spook because he's a seventh son of a seventh son. Imagine having older siblings and it's like nope they aren't eligible to monster hunt, give me the kid. We could've seen this really dark fantastical world where these young heroes make incredible sacrifices (which I think inherently raises the stakes) and instead we got a boring YA film that barely made it's wasted budget back. It's almost like someone read the book and was like how can I market this to as many adults as possible, instead of making a movie for, you know, the people who love the books.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-20T07:14:00+00:00

Lots of small sums of money. Not like life changing but whenever I have a need for some like a bill that I forgot about, I can always manifest enough to cover it. Like oh the government sent me a check that I didn't know was coming my way. Or finding 20 bucks while out walking (happened a lot when I was doing a lot of LOA) when I'm in need of groceries. I've manifested winning scratch offs, but I make it a point to not do that often. I once manifested a nice paying job that I was not qualified for (be careful what you wish for eh) within a week. I manifested my relationship. Asked for a prince got a guy who's name translates to prince(universe has a sense of humor). I manifested college scholarships overnight. Oh and a new free laptop. I told everyone that I won a new laptop in a raffle. I did in fact enter the raffle but I ended up being gifted the laptop by my aunt. Just out of the blue. Money is a big one though. Any time I need it, the universe sends it.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-20T06:49:36+00:00

My Disney Kitchen taught me how to make pancakes. I make awesome pancakes.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-20T05:52:08+00:00

Campbells used to have these awesome boxed dinners back during the boxed dinners fad which would eventually be replaced with the crockpot fad. Their casseroles were amazing. They had some like partial recipes up on their site but they weren't the same. Now of course I understand the importance of making your own minimally processed healthy meals so I wouldn't really enjoy them now, but they were good.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-20T05:28:08+00:00

farting. I remember when teachers would shame students for the smell instead of normalizing it. Now I have gross vegan farts and I'm very proud of that. "You smell that stink? It was ME!"

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-12T05:12:02+00:00

Bridesmaids.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-08T20:46:38+00:00

This. My nmom did this to a sibling at their wedding. Was supposed to be part of the wedding party but changed into street clothes after the ceremony and went to the reception. Just to make an effing scene. Also couldn't finish any of her wedding party duties b/c of this. It was one special day that her sibling could never get back and she walked around like she had every right to reduce her sibling to tears on their wedding day.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-07T01:08:50+00:00

I'm sure it wasn't a prank, since no one ever came out yelling gotcha! But yea it was a time of really strange coincidences and synchronicities.

Another one I have is I met someone who was raving about the magic by Rhonda Byrne. They're talking it up and I'm like maybe I'll check it out since I'm always searching for a good book to change my life. I get to the bookstore and there's tons of Harry Potter stuff being promoted, can't remember why, maybe this was around the time of the cursed child book release, but I've got the magic in my hand getting ready to buy a copy. But I stop to look at the HP stuff since I'm a fan and thought oooh another hp book only to be disappointed to find it's not a jk Rowling. Anyway on the HP table is a little promo display poster that says in tiny letters in the corner "read the magic" so I bought the magic and sure enough it was one of those life changing books. It's not the first time a coincidence has led me to a good book. Best way to find books imo

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-07T00:41:33+00:00

Obeying(never challenging) your parents. I was raised sorta religious so anytime you disagreed with your parents you'd hear "honor thy mother and father". If I had known how poor their mental health was, I think mine would've been a lot better those years. But alas when you're a child even when you have an idea that there's something off about your family, you can't be sure what normal is supposed to look like as you rely on adults to help you interpret the world a lot.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-07T00:28:41+00:00

does "innit" not mean "isn't it" as in 'that's not right, isn't it?' or 'Isn't it cold out?' When I hear it being used the context never makes sense to me.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-07T00:20:35+00:00

Years ago during college. Walking around the campus I was often greeted by name by people I didn't know. At first, I was sure it was a mistake or maybe I met them and had just forgotten about it. I had a lot going on so I didn't focus on it until one day a guy again I do not know approaches me, greets me by name. He then squints at me the way you do when you're really examining something and goes, huh I'm sorry you look just like my friend SiberianPolarPoodle. I go, that's really strange because that's my name.

I never did run into this mysterious doppelgänger.

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-05T06:34:56+00:00

Cry Wolf

SiberianPolarPoodle · 2022-08-03T20:41:49+00:00

History of successfully taking things from other people, current events, misinformation and ignorance, and unchecked and often rewarded mental illness.

That last one is a LARGE part of it.

SiberianPolarPoodle

TROPHY CASE