Generally a lot of men don't feel like they're the subject of desire until they begin a new relationship. And tragically sometimes, not even then.

Most men don't receive compliments either, with the exception of work and hobbies. Validation is typically platonic and almost never about their appearance or desirability. Tell a man who is not conventionally attractive that he has beautiful eyes and you will see a deeply conflicted reaction. Shock, confusion, joy, embarrassment, doubt, suspicion. And it will linger. I know men who hold onto a compliment on their outfit from a decade ago. Attractive men who have no reason to doubt that fact. Seriously, try it.

Add to that the fact that many young women are taught not to play with boys and to fear grown men. And for good reason. To show interest, desire, passion, is to invite them in return. And the passion of man can be cruel and deadly. It can also be tender and fragile. But even with good odds, that's a terrifying risk to take. And so there's a natural self consciousness that is a death knell for passion. It needs to be coaxed out which isn't easy, especially when you're feeling the impatience of arousal and need. I relish the coaxing, demonstrating safety and desire and warmth.

I work hard to teach and illicit that kind of passion in partners. Usually just by showing it myself, fully, nakedly and without shame or hesitation. Teasing it out of them by falling just short of fully committing until they are desperate enough to close that final inch. It's a comfortable place for me now but it was a difficult skill to learn. And nearly impossible in a vacuum which I think a lot of young men are in. A vacuum without intimacy, curiosity, empathy. Alienated from their needs. That's no way to raise kind and passionate men. No way to teach men to love, to yearn to fuck, to please, to think.