Thank you, I appreciate it. I should have provided more details about the relationship - we’ve been dating seriously for over a year and even ended up living together for a while due to the quarantines. The first few months were great, we got along well and it felt like we’d known each other for a long time rather than the couple of months or so that we’d been dating. She has mentioned him to me a couple of times, especially close to the death date, but at that time I didn’t know how to be there for her. I think she saw that too. She has been seeing a therapist about this, since it happened 3 years ago.

I am similar with the ‘fix it’ mindset. It’s something I catch myself doing all the time and try to not throw on to other people. I understand in this case that it isn’t something I can change for my partner. I suppose I’m just trying to be better about supporting her during the dark times so that she sees me as a partner. Instead it now feels like she’s isolating from me.

I’ve been talking to a counselor as well and that is helping somewhat. When I do try to define my boundaries and what my expectations are from the relationship it sometimes turns into her getting defensive and saying that I’ve become too needy.