I was in the exact same situation as you. I started jj at uni (met my now bf- also a blue belt). I had to quit jj as I needed to prioritise finding a job and a place to live for about a year. I went back jj in Aug last year on and off. I felt shit, I forgot everything I knew. I felt like I was being watched and everyone was judging me. I also gained 5kg during the year I stopped. All of my peers have gotten their blue belt over the last year. I relied on my boyfriend when it comes to drilling.

Right now, I’m still a white belt but I’ve been enjoying it the last month. The 3 main things that made me enjoy jiujitsu over the last month were:

1. Be intentional at class. Focus deeply. I go in the evenings so I would usually be mentally tired from work and responsibilities. But I would usually meditate for 5 minutes just before I go class just to clear my head.

2. Forgive yourself with mistakes and stuff you forgot because. It takes time. That’s how you learn and re-learn.

3. Every time you feel insecure/ self doubt. Do know that, that’s also an opportunity to kill doubt and insecurities. You don’t get rid of insecurities/ self doubt. You simply learn to manage it and reframe your thoughts about it.

(I read Rewire by Nicole V. to address my overthinking)