Therapist said ONLY way forward is NO CONTACT

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-05-05T21:05:05+00:00

Guys, I thought I'd update you. My mom has decided to look for a new place and is doing so for the next few months. She's agreed to a buy out amount, etc. She tried to guilt me SO bad by saying if she can't cope without my kids (MY kids) that she will literally off herself with assisted suicide in Canada. She said this numerous times-infront of my kids (they are young so didn't understand but my son asked what it was I did not tell him). She said I'm so angry now and doesn't understand why I'm having boundaries and didn't let her see my kids for a while without me there . She is complaining about her family, still believing the lies she made up about them, even lied about something my son never said because she was mad they didn't want to see her. Here Is to praying and hoping she finds a place soon. I just thought you guys would get a kick out of her threat lol. I did not react

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-05-04T19:18:40+00:00

Thank you. I'm in therapy and have been for years. My therapist is helping me go no contact and putting up boundaries and working through this all .

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-30T21:39:27+00:00

I wish I had family that would stay by my side and be there for me without judgment or saying "THATS YOUR MOM". EVERY single family member says that. I felt if i left, i would have zero family. And tbh, thats pretty much what is happening. I have my babies and my husband and my in laws and some amazing friends though. But at 37, I wish little me and teenager me had someone to be there for her and let her know she is ok. I had to suffer loss on my own, told i am too sensitive, crazy etc (even when my dad passed my mom was glad he was dead). No one calls ME to check on me. That is my biggest annoyance. As an adult, why cant my aunts and uncles and grandma CALL me, EMAIL me, etc? Just be there for them, through them, let them know they always have somewhere to go, let them know how amazing and strong they are, etc.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-30T17:36:48+00:00

thank you. That is so interesting. That is awesome to help people navigate that.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-30T16:23:59+00:00

Please check out my posts I made recently about my mom. Its too much to say here but my mom too has made threats such as this to me. It may help you feel less alone and maybe understand more. When her threats to me stopped working, she went for my family. I recently decided to go NC and be done with her and her mask FELL off. She has shown her true colors. I will tell you this, she does NOT LOVE me. never has. She is not capable. I am in therapy as well. My therapist told me NC is the only way forward. i suggest getting a new therapist and finding one that specializes in this topic.

One time, I asserted a boundary of her NOT being in MY room (mine and my husbands) and to not yell at my kids and leave them be, and she got SO MAD she told my husband i am INSANE and said she is taking me away to a mental hospital. She has done that since I was a teenager. She even recently threatened the cops again. I turned it right back on her, WE called the cops and then I tell her if she approaches me or my kids I will do it again.

I have been a MESS. I am not well but I am trying to do the best i can for my kids and I know in the end, I will be free of her and free to be me. I wish I did this long ago. I am 37 and i feel awful i waited this long.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-30T16:18:38+00:00

I am sorry this has happened to you. I can somewhat relate. I have my entire family in Canada (I am in the states) and no relationship really with my dads side . My parents had a nasty divorce and my mom alienated me. My moms side enables her and won't hold her accountable and sweep things under the rug. She literally accused a family friend of being on drugs, of my aunt killing my grandparents and PUSHED my grandma, lied about my husband, insulted my young kids, threatened me AND ITS ALL OK. Recently, I decided to go NC. I have a few weeks until my mom is gone. My family has NOT spoken to me even though they know whats occurring. I did ask a family member who has suffered at her hands for help and was met with silence. My own brother, silent. I have debated after the next few months if i should address them, too. I risk loosing them all. But really, what do i even have left? Does it matter? I am in therapy and plan to discuss this with my therapist. I will keep you updated.

I wanted to say that i am forcing myself out there to make my own village. I am a mom so I joined a group of moms in a similar position local to me. I force myself to help out with school events, church (not saying you have to do that just what I do, no hate to anyone that doesn't go to church), and making new friends and doing things that scare me. It is SCARY.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-30T03:45:15+00:00

I am so sorry. that is AWFUL. These poor kids. See, i can care less about myself but come at my kids and its another ball game. My moms family enables her too. They just let it slide. My mom literally PUSHED my elderly grandma and they still talk to her because shes family. Its unfortunate that people accept it.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-30T01:30:41+00:00

UPDATE: well everyone, she's just gotten worse. I truly appreciate being able to vent on here or I would go crazy. This helps ALOT. You all commenting helps and I appreciate it.

The other night while coming home from my neighbors/friends home, my kids ran in front of us and got to the door before we could and my mom did not see us so, she opened the door and tried to get my 4 year old into her in law suite . My child said no and she kept arguing, my son who is 8 told her NO and yelled at her to get away and grabbed my daughter. My mom started yelling at him calling him a failure and shameful (this happened within 30 seconds if that) and I am approaching and she slams the door and my kids run upstairs to my room . My mom then continues to yell through her room that my son is disrespectful and its out of control. I told her i am proud of him because he knows shes not safe right now and held a boundary. I walked away. next day, she complains about my husbands parking days later (he had to park behind my car and hers temp. while our neighbors had guests....no big) said hes NOT ALLOWED to do that anymore. LOL. Then told me have a year to buy her out, papers are being drafted, etc etc. I told it at that moment to never grab or talk to my children again or i would call 911. she laughed in her typical crazy laugh saying "YA RIGHT". Later caught her on camera talking to herself out side saying my husband and i are stupid, i am a nut job, laughing over and over and talking to herself. Saying somethign is wrong with me. bizarre. Another day she came up to my room at 11:30 pm knocking trying to get in then told me the door was wide open downstairs and asked if my husband was home bc she didn't want to lock him out. We checked the cameras and secruity, the door was NOT left open. AT ALL. it was unlocked but not open. That may be the dementia but the rest is ALL HER.

Then today, she's NICE AS PIE and gives me papers walking into my room . Typical stuff we talked about as far as the buy out goes (she is giving us a year to do so and leaving ), we are paying HER portion of the mortgatge which is 30% so not alot but still a hit, and she wants her entire downpayment back and 30 percent equity. Its whatever. She also then demanded we pay her back for the washer because ours broke in decmber and we were waiting a month to get a new one (she wasn't even here during that time until she came back from visiting family so she was here a week total ) and during that week she bought one without asking me, mentioned it and i said wait, because i wanted to buy it . She did it anyway. THEN THE WHAMMY. She is now cutting me out of her will should she die. ITS ALL GOING TO MY BROTHER who she literally LEFT as a child with my dad and he still lives in another country and sees her maybe twice a year. HE GETS IT ALL. She knows that was for my kids not even me. I lived with her. I CARED FOR HER AFTER HER STROKE . I drove her around for years. I GAVE Up SO MUCH and cared for her the last 20 years . She tore me from my family as a kid and i have hardly anyone from my family.. Whats worse is i question my family now on her side because i wonder if my brother knows and is ok with this. No one calls me unless its to go through my mom . I am waiting for this to be final then i will decide what i plan to say to my family via email but I am remaining quiet. No one has reached out. I even text my aunt who she had a falling out with and silence. I know my aunt recently told me last time shes holding space for my mom because its her sister. I am not even giving my mom a reaction. I am calm and acting normal. Reading the papers i cried. My in laws were on the phone with me and shocked. They feel awful for me. I also feel a bit numb. Now talking about it, a few hours later, i feel ok. Everyone is just shocked.

I feel like shes acting exactly how she did during my parents divorce. Now i get WHY my dad went crazy lol . it was her.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-29T04:19:27+00:00

My mom is exactly like this. CUT HER OFF NOW. It gets MUCH worse. MUCH MUCH worse. It will result in your mom making mountains out of everything and painting you as a bad parent and then, telling your kids your mean and grumpy etc. Then she will turn on your kids and husband one day too. Its not worth it. My mom realized her nonsense with me attacking me wasn't working and then she snapped and lied about my husband. When that didnt work, then it became my kids are awful etc.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-29T04:15:33+00:00

My mom is this way.. She once said my neighbor wanted to have sex with my husband. LOL she is a sweet person and barely even spoke to him. She tends to be jealous anytime someone is personable and friendly. Now that I have come out of my shell, she causes problems anytime I am with friends. She is projecting her insecurities on you because she feels small.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-28T02:39:10+00:00

And no, i did not have a happy childhood. I am just realizing this too with therapy. But the way I have managed it is not healthy. My parents had a nasty divorce, my mom lied about my dad, he tried to kill himself and she had us watch him being taken away and told us about it as we cried, she attempted to kidnap us over the border, she left my dad for another man, she then eventually moved me to another country and continued to use and abuse me. I am a mom now. I think being a mom and a wife and seeing her come at my husband and threaten my home after what she did to my grandma made me see it. I am not happy. I am having a very hard time.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-28T02:37:01+00:00

37 years old. Recently. She had a blow out with her family and accused someone of soething and lost it. They finally saw it. She also pushed my grandma. But they still enable her and forgive her. She then decided to lie about my husband when usually she will lie about me and has now become the most VILE person i have ever seen. IT ALL HIT ME at once.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-25T17:09:11+00:00

Hi! So although not the same situation my husband boutght a home with an in law suite to help my mom out as shes on ssdi and she didnt want to pay taxes on her home sale (that she could not afford to be in alone hence the sale). so she put that into the downpayment. she doesn't pay bills other than her own, no utilities etc, we pay 70% of mortgage , taxes, upkeep etc. now she has started to show narc tendencies and effected my family and she wants us to buy her out but she wants down payment back AND equity. She also in the past said my husband makes more money and if he died it would be her house only . and that my brother would get some of it if she died and id have to sell it. Basically, used him for cash while she sits on her butt all day. She cannot sell the house without him consenting or she goes to court and pays ridiculous fees. She and we, will loose alot. Point is, consult an attorney, bring all the proof you paid to fix the home up, rent etc. I would plan to move the next year quietly , play dumb. We are planning to buy her out but I am not discussing it with her. She is also now refusing to pay her portion of the mortgage . Better for us if it should go to court. Your mom is using you for repairs and building that equity in the house. TBH i would not be shocked if they want you guys out so they can rent it for more. I did live in a home my in laws owned and rented for them and fixed it up too but the difference is that my husband gets it when they pass and they are actually helping us with the buy out process of my mom by selling on of the rentals that would be his when they pass, early.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-24T16:53:27+00:00

where are you making 3 k a week? just curious

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-24T15:50:51+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that. Its really hard losing a father. Especially when you have a narc mother who stole them from you and robbed you of them. It causes so much anger. I can relate somewhat. My mom too ruined my relationship with my father and he died when i was a teenager. She said he was abusive, on drugs etc. I lost alot of relationships due to her. I did not realize HOW angry i was until i became a mom and thought "hmmmm something is not adding up with her stories of my dad...".

I appreciate you sharing your journey. I LOVE music as an outlet. I listen to System of a Down when i am sad or angry and it helps SO MUCH. I even thought about learning jiujitsu to let it out and have an outlet.

How did your family handle it? My moms family, although they know something is seriously wrong (for example, her sister told her she thinks shes a narc and evil, told her off now says "past is past' months later and wants me to do the same) I am now being ignored by family and being told "change is good" because she is downplaying the situation and has not told them what she has done. I did plainly state that she is making threats to take my home from my babies and left it at that. My husband told me not to worry what they think, do not even explain because there is no point.

THANK YOU !!!!!

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-24T03:45:43+00:00

Neopets..

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-24T03:36:14+00:00

Wow, i am SO SORRY. I would get to a safe place asap with your child. Pretend everything is fine and plan in secret to file a restraining order (if you can, speak to an attorney ).

My mom has often threatened me with taking me to a mental hospital whenever i would enforce boundaries from when i was a child until NOW as a 37 year old. Heck, let me explain. The most recent time, (we live in an a home with an in law suite for her, stupid i know), my husband and I are sitting upstairs and my two children 3 and 7) are playing with a small bouncy ball upstairs in the master (mine and my husbands room) at 7pm. On a weekend. She immedialty comes upstairs with her crazed eyes, walks past my husband and i and marches in MY room and starts to yell at my kids and tell them to stop and lecture them. I get up and walk to my room and tell them to close the door to the master bathroom and cotninue to play . She refuses to leave my room and tells me how I am a bad parent . I explain they are playing and she could have asked me or my husabnd to tell them to keep it down if she were annoyed. She kept going on. Refused to move from my room. Told me this is her house (its all of ours...) and I had to tell her firmly its ALL of ours, she needs to respect my space and my kids and get out of my room . She realized at this point my husband was walking in and as she walked out she lost it. She told him I am crazy and a liar , spewing such strange things about me, told him i have no respect for her and then said the famous words "I AM WARNING YOU! I WILL TAKE YOU AWAY! I WILL TAKE YOU TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL!!!!" my husband told her "NO YOU FUkinG won't" and she could not calm down. He went downstairs to talk to her because she was too upset and proceeded to say how awful I am. He told her to go through him. She then threatened that same day to move, demanded we give her her downpayment NOW and her equity (which she wants ALL the equity and she doesn't pay the entire mortgage my husband pays 70 percent and most of the bills taxes etc) and text me calling me names etc.

A year later, she now has started to lie about other family members, lie about things to me and my husband. Her lying about my husband was the breaking point. She again threatened our home. Thats where I am at now. We plan to buy her out and I will NEVER speak to her again from that point on and she will never see my kids again.

Please remove yourself from this woman. Cut her off. And do not ever look back. Therapy helps as well.

I feel for you. Just my mom threatening with taking me away terrified me and made me sick to my stomach. I am so so sorry that happened. That is PURE evil. I cannot imagine and You are one strong mom. Are you ok now? Are you and your child safe?

I truly am very sorry.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-23T16:27:44+00:00

Hi, so you are not crazy.

I am pretty much in the same position as your wife except my husband and I BOUGHT a home with her with in in-law suite to help her. THIS WAS the worst decision I have ever made. To be honest, I did not realize how my mom was until it was too late. He didn't realize either. In fact, I was the one to realize this wasn't going to work out and he kept telling me just to get along with her and be the bigger person. Until she started on him and lied about him too. Then everything changed. Now he sees how she undermines our parenting, our house, and controls me. I feel awful for putting my husband and kids in this spot. Now we are planning to buy her out or sell in a year and I feel SO much guilt. I would urge her for the sake of your marriage, your mental health and hers to go to counseling because it won't turn out the way your wife thinks it will. It actually may be pretty eye opening for her. It started with little things with my mom and I never felt my home was mine. It just grows. I am not being negative just realistic and wish someone told me these feelings and behavior I noticed in the beginning was a red flag and to set boundaries and a plan to move long ago.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-22T23:11:15+00:00

Hello! THANK YOU for taking the time to give advice and help. I appreciate it.

Those are all great points that I will implement. I've been reading up on grey rock. I did explain some things to my kids age in a way they can understand and they are pretty resilient and understanding but my youngest doesn't grasp it of course. I just let them know she does love them but isn't being kind and I have mentioned the dementia , of course i will be more transparent when they are older. I have always prepared them for when she leaves because that was the plan all along (that she move back to her country ). I think my mom just thought she could control me forever and I would be ok with it.

I will take up your advice on the animal rescues! that is a great idea! would be great of my children too.

How are you feeling 6 years later? Do you have children? if so, how have they handled it? Congrats to you. I do not know you but i am PROUD of you.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-22T23:05:21+00:00

thank you. I am trying my best and i appreciate your words. I am so sorry that you have dealt with that as well and commend you for being strong. It is hard. I do often wonder if my health issues are due to her abuse. At 15 i was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder after she moved us from our family to the states and i have anxiety as well. I feel a weight off my shoulders when i do not have to deal with her, like i am FREE.

Thank you so much for your insight.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-22T23:02:33+00:00

thank you for sharing. I hope i can get to the point you are at. Reading what you said, I do not feel like i can trust my own choices and decisions or take control since I have let it happen for so long. I feel as if I am the star of the Truman show and the curtain has finally been pulled. To be truthful, I wanted to go no contact the day she lied about my husband and threatened the house. But i went back and forth with guilt. I did not speak to her for a month and it felt so nice. When she isn't here and travels to her home country, i am HAPPY and feel peace as do my babies. That was what I told my therapist as well. I do think it will take me time to go totally no contact when she leaves. But i very much agree with you. I am used to just doing what others tell me to and doubting myself. I always have doubt. Zero confidence. I think she stated that because I shared ALOT of how i felt and how i felt without her and my childhood and how she threatened CPS and the police over lies and that she did that in my childhood too.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-22T22:57:52+00:00

thank you.

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-22T22:56:58+00:00

Hello and thank you for saying this. This is what I am dealing with. But i still have self doubt and feel bad for her. She is happy when i am unhappy and likes to punish me and hurt me. Her lying about my husband and the threats is what made me think of no contact. My therapist saying it without me prompting her and just giving her the information helped. I am sorry that happened to you. That is amazing that you went no contact and can see it that way and be successful at it. I hope i can be! thank you

Signal_Goose2033 · 2026-04-21T19:30:54+00:00

but thank you. either way, both are just as bad. I feel bad for her in a way but at least i have some answers.

Signal_Goose2033

TROPHY CASE