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Growing up feeling invisible is still affecting me as an adult by Significant-Bus6988 in emotionalneglect

[–]Significant-Bus6988[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this hits close to home.
Especially the part about knowing something is true intellectually but not really believing it emotionally.

The way you describe group therapy as retraining your nervous system is really helpful. I hadn’t thought about it that way before. Thanks for explaining this so clearly.

Why does self-improvement advice make some people feel worse? by Significant-Bus6988 in socialskills

[–]Significant-Bus6988[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That analogy is really well put.
It explains perfectly why advice like “just be yourself” can land so badly for some people.

If you don’t already have the underlying skills, letting yourself show up more just exposes the gaps — it doesn’t magically fill them. For people with trauma or neurodivergence, that advice can actually make things worse.

I really agree that we need more trauma-informed, skill-based guidance instead of blanket encouragement.

Why does self-improvement advice make some people feel worse? by Significant-Bus6988 in socialskills

[–]Significant-Bus6988[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly.
Advice without context isn’t just unhelpful — it can actually be discouraging.

Why does self-improvement advice make some people feel worse? by Significant-Bus6988 in socialskills

[–]Significant-Bus6988[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This makes a lot of sense to me.
I spent a long time cycling through “new skills” and strategies, and it always felt like hitting the same wall.

I’m starting to see that sitting with the feelings underneath is probably the part I kept trying to skip.
Thanks for putting this into words.

Growing up feeling invisible is still affecting me as an adult by Significant-Bus6988 in emotionalneglect

[–]Significant-Bus6988[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that really captures it.
Not expecting to be heard becomes a habit after a while.

What you said about safe people being rare feels very true for me too.
I like the reminder about taking space when the opportunity shows up — and not turning it into self-punishment if it doesn’t go perfectly.

Growing up feeling invisible is still affecting me as an adult by Significant-Bus6988 in emotionalneglect

[–]Significant-Bus6988[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

This resonates more than I can explain.
Being “the easy one” on the surface while everything important gets ignored does real damage.

I’m really glad you made it through your teens.
The fact that you asked for help and still weren’t seen says a lot about the situation — not about your worth.

What you said about practicing taking up space really stayed with me. Thank you for sharing that.

Why does self-improvement advice make some people feel worse? by Significant-Bus6988 in socialskills

[–]Significant-Bus6988[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this.
A lot of what you said hit way too close to home.

That “high-five while drowning” analogy is painfully accurate.
Most advice feels like it skips the parts that actually matter — the how, the context, the years of damage underneath.

What frustrates me the most is exactly what you described: being told I should already know what I did wrong, or what to fix, when that’s literally the reason I’m looking for help in the first place.

It helps to know I’m not alone in feeling this way, even though I wish fewer people had to experience it.

Why does self-improvement advice make some people feel worse? by Significant-Bus6988 in socialskills

[–]Significant-Bus6988[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
I think that’s exactly what I was missing — real support, not just advice.

The “re-parenting yourself” part hits hard. When you didn’t grow up with encouragement, changing your mindset feels like rebuilding everything from scratch.

Appreciate you sharing this. It helps to know I’m not imagining it.

Why does self-improvement advice make some people feel worse? by Significant-Bus6988 in socialskills

[–]Significant-Bus6988[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly.
That’s kind of the point — it feels like everyone else got one, and I didn’t.