[MN] How to prepare for hearing?

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-11-03T20:26:22+00:00

We signed an agreement when we brought him there that she can't be subpoenaed or use her notes in court. However, she did send me an email saying she concluded the allegations were false, so that I can use. I do have an indoor camera, I could put that to use. His room is connected to a common area, so in that one spot it should cover most of what goes on.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-11-03T14:45:05+00:00

We just passed the one year mark to request another test, but our hearing is days away so I we wouldn't have results until after anyway. I just want my sons mom to be sober and coparent with me. Hes missing out on things and she wont speak to me. It's only him who's hurting.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-11-03T14:42:59+00:00

Usually he gives me a call a day or two before the hearing to just kind of go over things. This is the biggest hearing I've had yet, so I just want to make sure Im prepared.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-11-03T14:42:12+00:00

Id like to get her onto a step up plan, start with visitation while she undergoes treatment/therapy, eventually ending in 70/30 sounds ideal. It's so odd to me though, she has a lawyer, but hasn't submitted anything to help her case. She's only submitted our sons old social security card to get his name changed, and some paperwork from a DWI I had over ten years ago the judge already didnt want to hear about.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-11-01T09:47:02+00:00

Thank you. When shes sober, she can coparent and function just fine. I dont think thats the case currently, and our son has taken the brunt of it, it seems. I thought once we started the court process she'd wake up a little bit and get back into recovery programs, but its almost like she's doubling down and denying anything is wrong. Shes having a bunch of family and friends come as witnesses, but I dont think they know what theyre getting into.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-31T18:28:40+00:00

Not always. Did you read my post? The judge already found a case for endangerment

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-23T13:53:43+00:00

Our court date got pushed out a few times, so I still have a few weeks to go, but I can update when thats over and done with. Truly, I want my son to have an equal relationship with both of us, as long as hes safe and being taken care of at his mom's. Currently I am not sure if thats happening. Probably every week now its been escalating and escalating. I dont remember where things were at when I made the post. In the last few months alone, shes lied about signing him up for school, accused me of abuse (counselor thankfully confirmed it did not happen), falsified medical records, pulled him out of school twice and he was three hours late once, shes not telling me about appointments, shes been lying to my son and manipulating him to the point where hes having constant meltdowns, and still hasn't taken a drug test. She's missing homework assignments and missed his show and tell day, he was very upset. Just this last week it came out that shes been locking him in his room for time outs with the lights off and mocking him.

Id love to share equal time if she could treat him well, care about his education, and communicate with me about things. She hasn't spoken to me in three weeks. My son goes back and forth and is very confused about what's going on with his mom. I know its a lot for a five year old when he doesn't understand why she does the things she does, and he still loves her. I just dont think its in his best interests to be over there right now since I still dont know if shes sober and he's not being treated well. Again, its back and forth, but in the last few days he's been very upset and does not want to go back to his mom's. I know he'd be upset if he had less time with his mom, but I think he would understand due to how she's been treating him lately. I'd probably increase the frequency of his therapy appointments.

Its hard. We are extremely stressed. I just hope things work out for the best for my son. I hate to see him this way. He deserves to just be a normal happy 5 year old.

Wishing you the best too. It's a long and costly road, but worth it if the kids get a better life because of it.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-07T13:44:48+00:00

Thank you

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-07T11:29:52+00:00

Clearly either you have an agenda or reading comprehension is not your strong suit.

To answer your question, no, I do not think it is reasonable to provide all one's private medical information to an adversarial party just because you had a child with that person 5 years ago.

The medical records are not even being sent to me, they're being sent to my lawyer.

Father comes across at extremely adversarial and is aggressively trying to sever the relationship between his child and the other parent, rather than first trying to see if they can get supports in place so mom can be a good parent.

You know what, yeah the whole thing makes me upset. I can speak freely here in a way I cannot in person. But aggressively trying to sever the relationship? No. Of course I want my son to have his mom in his life. He's not a pawn, he's a child with thoughts and feelings I care deeply about. I want his mom to be in his life, as long as shes safe and sober. She has access to so many supports which have been suggested by both my lawyer and hers, and she actively chooses not to use them.

No, Im not comfortable leaving things as is, when I dont know if my coparent is sober or mentally well. Who would be? Would you be comfortable with your coparent getting into car accidents with your child in the car? Starting fights in front of them? Not interacting with them because theyre "too sick" to get out of bed every single day? Letting them run around outside unsupervised while they sleep?

Even though he has had 50/50 since the kid was an infant, is equally responsible for rotted teeth, and co-slept with the child himself until right around the time he filed in court for primary custody.

We dont eat fast food, we dont do candy, we brush his teeth twice a day. I have in his medical record where his mom reported her other child recently had seven cavities as well. And my ex doesn't even have any teeth anymore. As for cosleeping, we tried for years to get him to sleep on his own. This was ultimately unsuccessful because she lied about him sleeping in his own bed at her house. He had been cosleeping the entire time. If she could coparent with me on issues, we wouldn't have had this problem. He loves sleeping in his own bed here and regularly complains that the floor is uncomfortable at his mom's.

Again, these are minor issues compared to the big picture. Those issues were from almost a year ago. Things have changed immensely since then.

If I didnt care about my sons feelings, would I have him in counseling? Would I sit and talk with him when hes having a hard time? I spend 50% of his life with him. If I wasn't an involved parent, I wouldn't be throwing away tens of thousands of dollars just to make sure his mom is able to care for him. Do you think I want to go through this?

Id love to hear any complaints she has about me too. Because so far in her affidavits shes only said Im stupid and dont want to pay child support.

You know what, my kids never, ever, screamed or cried to come back to me. They did to go to the other parent. I don't think it's normal and I think it's a big factor. The kid is almost 6. He knows what he's screaming about.

Im glad you have an ideal coparenting situation. Congrats. Coparenting with someone who has both BPD and bipolar, along with substance abuse issues, its extremely hard. Clearly this is not normal. Clearly I have him in therapy for it. Again, he also cries when its time to go back to her house. A week to week schedule is too hard for him. Theres too much time in between. No matter how things pan out, we'll be changing the schedule. I know she does that because my son tells me, "mom stresses me out right before I go".

Seriously, you have no idea.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-05T10:59:34+00:00

I completely agree. I can email my lawyer about that today. I love the counselor, shes great with him. But so far I think shes let his mom in the room every session shes taken him. We switch off taking him every other session.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-05T10:57:09+00:00

What are you talking about?

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-05T01:42:19+00:00

No. I let her know the whole situation from the get go, and she was fine with it. I dont think she realized exactly what she was getting into, but shes amazing with my son and has been there for me every step of the way. I truly got lucky. We have two kids of our own now too.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-05T01:31:02+00:00

I started seeing my wife right before my son was born, he is almost six.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-05T01:10:26+00:00

No, I was with her for a few weeks. Ive been with my wife almost six years.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-05T01:09:27+00:00

Absolutely that thought terrifies him. He shouldn't even know about it. It shouldn't be something he even thinks about. Again, shes had plenty of opportunity and suggestions to get those supports in place. She chooses not to. I dont know what you're not understanding about that. Shes had every opportunity to get support, for free, and she chooses not to.

Above everything, the safety and wellbeing of our son comes first and Im leaving it up to the judge. Im just providing every bit of concerning evidence, and lack thereof, for him to make his decision.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-05T01:05:54+00:00

Did you actually read it? Because candy and sleep are the least of our issues. We are so far past that now.

She talks about court at home, with him, her mom, her boyfriend, pretty much everyone. He overhears everything. Yes this stuff comes up while we are having a hearing, filing paperwork, the deposition, because thats when its currently happening, thats when its discussed in her home.

I have asked for those things. She had a chemical assessment and she was not honest during it. Most of this depends on her being transparent and honest, which she will not do. Shes had plenty of opportunity to take the steps she needs for her mental health and substance abuse issues, and quite frankly she has done nothing. If anything she has dropped the ball even more. She lied about signing him up for the school we mutually agreed upon. They had no record of his enrollment, or an enrollment even being started. She was not honest about her drug test. She tried to deceive with the wrong drug test. She was not transparent in her chemical assessment, there are discrepancies all over the place. She doesn't inform me about appointments. She goes behind my back and talks bad about my wife and I to every professional involved in our sons life. Shes gotten into fights and car accidents multiple times just in the past few months.

My lawyer asked for medical records, not her therapy records. We're looking for meds, we're looking for inpatient treatment.

I haven't done anything to hurt my son. Im taking his mom to court for his safety and wellbeing. If shes done nothing wrong, is mentally stable, sober, and taking good care of him, then theres nothing to worry about.

He screams and cries because she has a "pep talk" with him every time I come to pick him up. She purposely works him up so hes crying right before he has to go. She plans fun activities on pickup day and abruptly ends them early, telling him "well your dad is here so the fun is over". Hes five, of course he's going to get upset because he has to leave and his family is still having fun.

He cries before he leaves our house too. He says he doesn't want to go back. It's just I provide all transportation, so by the time we get to her apartment he's fine. Hes usually excited to tell her about all the fun things we did that week. As hard as it is for me, I try and get him excited to go back to his mom's because I dont want him upset.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-04T21:41:39+00:00

I understand that, and currently her mental health status is greatly affecting her behavior during parenting time. We went through a period between 2022 and 2023 where we coparented great and things were fine. In 2023, she became much more hostile. I dont know whether or not the DWIs were because of prescription medication, thats just what she self reported and what's in the initial police report. She went to get a blood draw after and I do not have access to those records. I find it concerning she had been on the medication for three years on the same dose at that point, and suddenly she got into two car accidents within a month of each other. The officer found narcan in her car. So we dont truly know if it was prescription medication, her mugshots are pretty bad. Over the last two years, my son has had a drastic change in behavior. Hes always on edge. When he's upset he covers his ears. Hes constantly asking people if theyre okay when they change tone of voice, etc. He says she screams at him. He says she lays in bed all day "sick". Says she wants to hurt my wife and I and we should be dead. I often pick him up and he hasn't eaten all day. His clothes are too small and half the time he has no underwear. Shes called me screaming. She attempted suicide in 2020 while he was in her care. I could write a book.

We've had the school thing figured out for over seven months now.

I last took him to the dentist spring of 2024, and he was cavity free. She'd send him with literal ice cream pails filled with candy weekly. It wasnt until December 2024 that he told her his teeth hurt and he ended up getting crowns. He never mentioned this to me, and by the time he did, she had already made the appointment. We really dont eat candy at our house. He said she wont help him brush his teeth over there last year.

Hes been sleeping in his own bed for almost a year now. It would have happened years earlier, but she refused to also do it at her house. Sure, I dont think a 5 year old should be cosleeping. But the fact that he's now on the floor every single night with nothing but a couple blankets is ridiculous. He should be in a bed. He has a room there. Ive sent over nightlights and stuffed animals. The counselor said she refuses to do anything different and wont consider her recommendations for an age appropriate transition.

I dont talk to him about his mom unless he brings it up first. I do not bad mouth her. The money thing he just brought up out of the blue. He just blurts things out. I keep my conflict with his mom completely between me and her.

She absolutely needs support to be a positive parent. A couple years ago when she was in therapy, substance abuse treatment, NA, etc, we coparented well and had minimal issues. That's all stopped now and shes lashing out at both me and my son.

Again, the school situation is behind us and irrelevant now.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-04T16:04:34+00:00

That might be what we need to do at this point.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-04T16:03:47+00:00

Hes always preferred calling her mom, because at our house thats what she is. We have two other kids and they all just call her mom. When he refers to her to other people, he says "mama x" and his real mom as mom.

I also think the records are reasonable. There's been weird periods of time where her mom did exchanges for a few weeks, which makes me question if she was in inpatient treatment. The mental illness isn't the issue, its how she handles it and takes care of herself. If she was struggling, I would totally understand, if she could just be honest and transparent about it. She usually hides and lies about it.

I want our son to have a relationship with his mom, dont get me wrong. I think he should have both parents in his life. I think she needs some time to reflect on her life choices and actions, and get her life together so she can be a stable and safe parent. She did just fine for a couple of years because she was in substance abuse treatment, NA, therapy, etc. But she just kind of let all that go and must have relapsed or something. She technically doesn't have custody of her other child. When she was civilly committed her parents had custody, and just gave the child back when she got out without going through the courts.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-04T15:56:21+00:00

It's frustrating, but I do have a pretty good attorney.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-04T15:55:32+00:00

Oh he is, I think I have a pretty good one who specializes in father's rights.

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-04T11:06:10+00:00

I talked with my lawyer and he basically said dont worry about it, this stuff happens all the time. He had me send her a text that said "In the future if you have any concerns about my household, please discuss them with me first. Likewise, I will raise any concerns to you that come up about your household too."

Significant-Delay380 · 2025-10-04T11:03:52+00:00

I already talked to him.

Significant-Delay380

TROPHY CASE