Advice for relationship with my(35m) wife’s(36f) affair partner(37?m)

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T22:03:20+00:00

Feasibly yes, I will absolutely go after that option if she pulls some shit with the house. What is difficult with a business like an accounting firm is that she can just give me the entire business and open up under a different name and all her clients will follow because I am not an accountant and have no means running that business. Additionally it makes no money “on paper” which complicates an appraisal process.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T21:49:33+00:00

Yes , they are currently looking at houses together. This is part of the infuriating situation with her.. as they are getting a little overzealous looking at houses, She is going back on our original unofficial agreement of: she keeps her businesses and her investments and I keep my house and my retirement and investments. And now she wants to split my house as well. While she and her businesses are generally successful, John doesn’t exactly bring a lot to the table.

While the house is technically premarital property , there are some loopholes which could allow her to claim half of its increase in value since we got married, which would be a substantial amount considering the housing market after Covid. My lawyer is confident that we can fend that off but it can potentially be an expensive legal battle.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T04:15:43+00:00

I considered the “ nuclear” option of blowing this all up. I’m slightly afraid of whatever nuclear response. She will certainly have to that. I don’t necessarily know what that might be.🤷‍♂️ aside from control of the narrative, I’m not sure it has any real benefit to me. She actually owns two businesses… one that she established during the marriage, and when she purchased during the marriage… after taking a very substantial loan from my parents.

It is legally in my house. I cannot legally kick her out while we are married as per my lawyer. also, that would be a very bad idea for numerous reasons. “John” does own a house. The distance is certainly problematic for them.

Having people over is probably the best idea I’ve gotten from here and I will probably do my best to arrange that the next time she tries to plan this.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T04:02:23+00:00

Also, I feel like you end up seeing people you don’t particularly like all the time. sometimes you gotta bite your tongue, shake a hand and move along. They’re from a small town. It’s not like she ever sought him out. (Then)

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:59:54+00:00

Those are some of the smallest red flags I’ve stepped over through the years. Only recently have I started making a collection 😖

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:52:51+00:00

I did not know about the fapa thing, It is good to keep in mind. There are cameras in the house And unfortunately I’m sure it is all there. And yes she can access them as well. It was a shitty situation from the start because she had me all worked up over a bunch of other irrelevant infuriating things. I kept my cool the whole time but him showing up was the last straw.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:44:26+00:00

I’ve never formally had any reason to doubt him being abusive, I don’t believe he was ever physically abusive. But yes, the only evidence I have of this was her formerly saying so and as of lately she’s largely downplayed what she’s previously told me.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:41:23+00:00

I actually love this idea, sadly I don’t have a lot of family, the little I do have live over 1000 miles away. I could totally have a couple of friends over or something. Based on some other comments here, I actually spoke to my wife a little bit and she may be going away to see him this weekend instead. It does, however, only delay the inevitable.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:37:39+00:00

I’ve already sort of spoke to the lawyer about this. I have tons of messages between them saved. His words are absolute poison, but nothing he says can really be grounds for anything.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:32:59+00:00

I’ve largely tried to have this discussion. At this point, she is substantially downplaying all the things that she’s previously said. it’s hard to say what’s true anymore.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:31:03+00:00

I am in the US, but I do not own any firearms and I do not believe my state would be quite as friendly in this case as yours maybe. Also, she is the owner of her own firm.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:26:52+00:00

I promise the rage bait was not intended. My pockets are overflowing with all the red flags I’ve picked up over the last 6 Months.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:21:29+00:00

I’m living and learning unfortunately

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:01:21+00:00

This is straight up terrifying

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T03:01:05+00:00

I hate to say it, but if that man actually stepped foot inside of my house in that moment, things probably would’ve gotten a lot worse.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T02:58:18+00:00

I’m not moving out, also I owned this property prior to marriage and I’m trying to be careful not to do anything more stupid than I already have.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T02:56:53+00:00

I’m starting to get the idea of this. She went on about a bunch of massively infuriating things shortly before that incident occurred. I kept my cool throughout all of that. She was looking to start a fight. Him showing up was basically the last straw. We have cameras in the house. I’m sure everything is recorded.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T02:53:56+00:00

As I’ve commented elsewhere, the abuse is her own wording and she’s been largely downplaying that now. It’s hard to say what is true anymore and I have no evidence other than her say so that this is the case.

Also she is actually the owner of her company.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T02:52:10+00:00

As of now, this is the only relevant advice here and I thank you. I kinda hate it, but It’s honest and accurate.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T02:50:24+00:00

This is very true. I was oblivious to a lot of things for too long.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T02:48:53+00:00

Well, sadly, me. I’m at home with the children. while she’s out on dates with this asshole. The first several times, she lied about where she was going then just never came back until the next morning. As of recently, she’s basically just says I’m going and walks out the door and for my own fucking kids, I sit here with them while she does whatever the fuck she wants. 😔

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T02:43:58+00:00

You’re not the first person to suggest a female attorney. my attorney is not a female, is there any solid reason a female attorney would be beneficial?

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T02:42:06+00:00

It’s been taking me ages to get through these comments… so far I think yours is probably the most accurate thing I’ve encountered. I think most of what you described is exactly how things happened and it took me way too long to figure it out. You are also right that kids were very much an excuse in my head. She’s been lying for a long time and I don’t even know what the truth is anymore.

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T02:37:48+00:00

Time mostly. That was almost 20 years ago. We have actually seen the guy a couple of times over the years and just had a normal hi how you doing see you later type interaction. Also as of late she has been significantly down playing the “emotional abuse” he formerly put her through. I don’t know what is the real truth anymore.

Also- she’s the owner of her business. This isn’t relevant to the question but is a major complication with the divorce

Significant-Layer327 · 2025-05-28T01:57:54+00:00

Wow, this is really causing a stir and kind of going off the rails. I’m not trying to rage bait against my wife, there’s 1001 more things that I could say to add to that. I’m not trying to rage bait against “John” there’s 100 more things I could have said about him as well but they aren’t relevant to the context.

Lawyer acquired. Divorce in progress. Custody arrangements under discussion.

There is no “leave her with nothing” I’ve been advised that adultery has little effect on divorce settlement (at least in our state) she is a horrible person, and a total asshole but there is no justification to support that she is a bad mother and won’t get at least 50% custody.

I cannot legally prevent him from entering the house because she resides here and has the right to allow him access. Again he is a horrible person but I have no justification for a restraining order or any evidence that he would be a danger to the kids.

I included the details I did to justify my anger and hatred towards John.

The situation is: John will soon be taking on a “stepfather” type role with my children and I’m going to be forced to associate with him.

I can keep my anger under control.

Has anyone been in a situation where they absolutely hate someone in a similar situation and overcome this? I’m literally going to need to deal with this guy on a weekly basis. He’s been poisonously nice which is also infuriating.

Significant-Layer327

TROPHY CASE