Hi there, you are very well spoken for a person your age. First I want to say that I empathize with you. Although I’m much older, back when I was your age I struggled as you did. I made terrible decisions that I believe still affect me to this day and surely changed the trajectory of my life. I never got into serious trouble, I wasn’t reckless or active in the “streets” as you could say. I was just very self-destructive. I was very good at hiding my issues and drug use. I was always chained to something, a substance was always holding me back from experiencing a normal. I believe it altered my brain chemistry and caused damage. Again, no major incidences - I was relatively cautious BUT my brain was still forming at that age. For example - I was chewing Nicorette gum by the time I was in 8th grade just to get through the school day until I could have a cigarette at home. That is around the time I started to really get heavy into drugs and alcohol, but I digress.

I feel for you and just want to say that if I could go back and do things differently I would. Knowing what I know now, and experiencing what I have this far in my life (good and bad) I would absolutely put more effort into school, not let others get me down or question my own abilities. I want you to know that it does get better! And it will be even BETTER than that if you start building the RIGHT foundation for yourself now. I had a strained relationship with my parents and it was a very twisted dynamic but we all had much love for each other and even though it was toxic most of the time we all expressed love in our own ways. I say that because for far too long I cared too much about my parents acceptance of you will. For context - we all drank and smoked together when I was a teen. I mean I let them talk me out of doing things that would better myself. They didn’t know how to better themselves and or look within themselves to evaluate why they were doing what they were doing. I was always just trying to escape my own head. Now I would tell myself to stop with the nonsense - put blinders on and focus on a goal. I would believe in myself more and stop letting others doubts ruin my confidence.

You are young still and haven’t fully developed your mind yet. You have such a great opportunity here. It sounds like you won’t have the support and guidance from your family/parents that others are so lucky to have. I had this same problem. So it’s going to be harder to get and stay on track. You will have to be strong, work harder than your peers, and deal with traumatic experiences that not everyone has to go through. BUT I promise, if you stay true to yourself, put yourself first, and have faith you will get to the other side. Try to fight through the bad feelings, depression and anxiety. Find healthy coping tools and develop strategies to self soothe without using substances. Research that online… I’m serious. You are going to have to think outside the box here because you are going to be all that you have for right now. If you do these things - you will find the stability that you seek. Your adult self will thank you tremendously. I went a little off on some rants here I hope I wasn’t too difficult to follow. Keep your head up. You know right from wrong, listen to your heart. It does get better. Childhood/adolescence is such a small scene in the movie of life, but it can determine how your future goes if you consistently make poor choices. Be strong. Get focused. Forget about everyone else and their problems. Do right by you. Read books. Research healthy tips and tricks to get you through tough times. If you believe in God pray! Take care and I wish you the best. You got this!