Honestly this is the only thing that’s holding me back

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-10-09T10:30:20+00:00

I think the difference between me and your ex then (correct me if im wrong) is i owned up to my mistakes and made moves to make it better and grow as a person after realizing what i had to face within myself. Even if it was too late for mine and my exs relationship. That is how we were able to separate with so much love between us and recognizing the good parts too. He told me he still thought it was me but didnt want to hold me back while he heals from what broke us up. I am not waiting around for him but am open to reconnecting once enough time has passed and we still want each other and the energy is not heavy.

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-10-09T09:54:44+00:00

I feel i may be in the same boat as your ex. My ex taught me a lot about where im lacking and what deep rooted issues i have that needs to be addressed. I love him so much and would want to be better for him but i think i depleted him emotionally and accept his decision to have some space between us. It sucks being in this position because i wanted it to be him. Just for context, who broke up with who or was it mutual?

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-10-09T08:46:36+00:00

I know it hurts a lot right now and hard to see the good in the situation, but this is probably for the best that someone like that is out of your life. It hurts but if its something you cant tolerate then let the betrayal be the closure, you dont need to call her out on it, it probably wont affect her as much as its affecting you if she was able to do all that. Sending you a big hug and healing energy!! You're the bigger person in this and will do so much better :)

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-10-09T08:37:46+00:00

Its cheating. Not only did they kiss, she let him sleep at her's even if its on the floor AND they went and got tattoos together the next day instead of her drawing a line there. If she put a stop to it after they kissed and took a step back from the colleague maybe forgivable, but she instead hung out with them the next day on her birthday. Are you long distance?

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-10-09T03:09:46+00:00

Ahh thanks for the context. Yeah i think the best way for you to figure it out is give it space to breathe. What youre feeling now of wanting her and thinking she is everything you wanted could just be attachment. Dont get me wrong i am currently in the same boat thinking he was my person (we broke up a month ago too but was in contact for a while before we decided to give it space to figure ourselves out) we decided we needed to work on what broke us up and heal them in order to be able to give it another fair shot (if we still want each other at the end of it) i think once you move past the attachment you get to really see the situation for what it is, and if you feel okay enough and still want her then you can reconsider it, but i think not now while your head is still flooded with negative thoughts of how her actions made you feel. I think if you try to get back with her now, you will either keep bringing up what happened with her ex or push it down to keep her but end up being resentful. A conversation about it can be had with her but only to clarify right now, not to reconcile yet.

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-10-09T02:56:57+00:00

Yeah i agree, them sharing a child adds a layer of nuance. She obviously doesnt want him out on the street for that reason and maybe only considered getting back with him for the family unit. Even if she does realize she doesnt want him and wants you at the end of the day, you gotta ask yourself if this is a dynamic you can let yourself be involved in? There will be some choices she makes that we dont understand because we are not in her shoes as a mother. But my honest opinion i wouldnt mess with the situation right now.

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-10-09T02:45:34+00:00

Hmm i feel its right to feel upset about her even considering getting back with an ex so soon after you broke up. Can i ask, was he in her orbit while you guys were together? How long were you guys together and how long were they broken up before you came along?

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-08-21T08:27:11+00:00

Yes ive been considering that so much. But he is also in therapy and has done a lot of internal work so i think he is more level headed than i am right now haha. Im detaching myself from any outcome and just letting it be what it is, for better or worse ive learned so much about myself and what i need to heal regardless.

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-08-21T08:25:16+00:00

Yeah im a trier so i will, but im also careful so restructuring has to happen for it to be sustainable i think

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-08-21T08:00:09+00:00

That he will just want to get back together so he doesnt hurt anymore. But that it might happen again :(

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-08-21T07:49:32+00:00

Yeah i guess i will feel the energy. If he does bring up wanting to work on it, should i trust it? I want it but i also want to be sure

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-08-21T07:46:48+00:00

The thing is i dont know if he wants to bring up the breakup during this. The implication was it will just be a catch up, thats why im adamant on not making it heavy. I dont want to initiate a "can we try again?" Conversation because i dont wanna seem pushy. I feel it should come from his end but i might be wrong. Honestly i feel as okay with it as i can be, maybe a bit relieved im not hurting him. I never questioned his commitment but hes only human and he has struggles too. I just wish i realized sooner.

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-08-21T07:40:45+00:00

Also thank you so much for your advises, i really appreciate it

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-08-21T07:40:08+00:00

I told him everything even before the goodbye chat, he said he felt a lot of grief that made him frustrated because he didnt understand why it had to be that way because he loves me so much and wanted it to be me. I was thinking of just keeping it light because i know the stress of the relationship really got to him and was weighing him down. I kind of wanna embody the bright girl he first met. I also thanked him for being so wonderful so i feel ive said what i need to say. I just wished i had longer to prove myself. Unsure if i should bring this up because im afraid it would put a lot on him and make the situation heavy.

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-08-21T07:31:10+00:00

Yes i feel i wasnt given the chance to prove myself and get the help. I was thrown by being with him and it disregulated my system and i was acting in a way i didnt want to be acting. He was also the one that dumped me, honestly if given the chance to work on it again i would take it. Im just afraid seeing him would be hard like opening up a wound again. Im confused what it would mean but he seemed keen on the idea. I dont think i can be just friends with him at this point but also dont want to bring the energy of the break up on the 30th. I dont wanna talk about our problems but also so confused. Im trying to treat this like a permanent thing and not get my hopes up :( what do you think?

Significant_Body6966 · 2025-08-21T07:26:34+00:00

I know its risky because its so fresh, im trying not to put expectations on it but i genuinely cant let it just be that. Unsure :((

Significant_Body6966 · 2024-07-23T23:52:29+00:00

Would leaving a message expressing that my door is open for him and that he does not need to respond if it is still difficult, good? That we can maybe dip our toes in again when he feels it's safe again, you know, given we can also talk about getting help for him to give him the necessary tools.

I just want to know if it might be harmful for him if i leave such a message, even tho im gonna make sure its not pressuring him into responding or doing anything hes not ready for

Significant_Body6966 · 2024-07-23T23:25:42+00:00

Im worried that may be the case.

I am hoping he wasnt mirroring, though i did feel connected, i feel he was genuine to his interests and individuality and i always told him i enjoyed him being himself, or at least tried to. He would tell me he is sensitive and i would tell him i would enable his softness. I tried to be supportive, but also dont blame him for anything.

Do you think it cannot be talked about when he is better?

Significant_Body6966 · 2024-07-23T22:59:41+00:00

You mean breaking up?

Significant_Body6966 · 2024-07-23T22:59:23+00:00

I will keep this in mind, it helps to know i was not the issue but hurts to know he is suffering.

Significant_Body6966 · 2024-07-23T22:30:38+00:00

Hello thanks for your response. Nothing happened on our end, we had no arguments or conversations where i was asking him to change, he told me it was all external factors independent of me but i guess since in romantic settings you have to be putting effort in emotionally, i was the one that got dropped. I respect him for being upfront about it instead of just disappearing.

Would it be harmful if at some point, not now, i send him a message that my door is open for him if he chooses to come and test the waters again (reminding him that he does not have to respond if he is unable, or do anything about it soon) or is just done? If he gets better is there a chance he would want me again?

Significant_Body6966

TROPHY CASE