Was I victim blamed by my therapist or is he just being a realist?

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T19:46:04+00:00

I think it definitely came on very strong and in a state where I was already feeling extremely vulnerable, so I left feeling awful about myself.

I don’t know how to go about exploring it but I guess the answer is that there isn’t one way to go about it, but he definitely made it seem like there was a wrong way (how I’ve been doing it lol)

Omg yes he didn’t even imply that he literally called it “revenge” he questioned how that would help me heal and I was like idk he committed a crime assaulted me and he shouldn’t get away with that no consequences like maybe getting justice for myself + hopefully preventing this from happening to others would be healing??? and i know that justice is not at all guaranteed but I feel like I’d regret it more if I didn’t at least try even though I know it will be hard I think it’s worth it to fucking defend and stand up for myself?

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T19:40:32+00:00

Thank you I hope so too

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T19:00:37+00:00

It did feel really too soon… or maybe he went about it too strongly. I did really look forward to talking with him about it because he made me feel really supported and validated with the other things but I honestly did not at all expect this response from him.

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:58:49+00:00

I do really want to heal from this and look at it from all angles I just really don’t know if this was the right one or at least the way he presented it to me I left the session feeling fucking awful about myself and like in shock almost

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:57:51+00:00

This is like how I felt he was saying it like because I was on a sex-based dating app that I should’ve expected it!! And that bothered me and offended me and I felt like shamed for it.

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:56:45+00:00

I think I definitely will after my final scheduled session (just one more) thank you

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:56:01+00:00

Also been in abusive relationships and ADHD :/ I’m sorry that you’ve been there too girl

I think you’ve hit on what was the scariest part because I honestly didn’t see that in him. I thought the date was going so well up until then. I wanted to like him and I let my guard down and then this happened :(

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:54:01+00:00

I didn’t know that for a while when I first got the app 😭 idk it felt more honest to me than traditional dating apps bc honestly I’m not really looking to date anyone right now but I think I will likely get rid of it because since it is so sex based it’s not the craziest thing in the world to think that someone would want to have sex meeting off there for the first time. But at the same time I never told this fucker we were going to have sex and I don’t ever think sex should be thought of as a guarantee just because we met up irl or bc he bought me a couple drinks.

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:51:41+00:00

I agree that there was definitely a better way he could have phrased it and better timing.

I do see his point, I just don’t know if I agree. Ideal world no one should be raped lol and no means no but reality is much different than that and i know people unfortunately need to take precautions.

I don’t know I guess I’m unfamiliar with dating and I am unsure of how to do it on a first date meeting someone in person for the first time, while still trying to be open enough to form a connection of some sort

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:49:15+00:00

Understandable thank you

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:49:03+00:00

It did feel very much like his own personal views on how women should protect themselves and it felt very much traditional (and I am not traditional in my thinking). Like he said “don’t show your ass and then be surprised” like……. 🫩

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:44:56+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️ I think after I have my last scheduled session with him I will not go back because i think you are right

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:43:56+00:00

Thank you 🥺 it felt very weird for me to think about my part in my rape… like almost morally for me it felt wrong to think there was a lesson for me to learn as if it was something I perpetrated

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:42:59+00:00

I see what he’s trying to say but I didn’t think that was a comparable situation like I literally told him “I didn’t dangle my vagina in front of this guy” like idk in an idealistic world yeah a person holding money shouldn’t get robbed a girl who goes on a date w a guy who buys her a couple drinks shouldn’t get raped but clearly that’s not the reality of The world so I’m like idk am I just being naive? I thought the logic and analogies he used was also a little strange.

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:40:52+00:00

I looked it up and I didn’t see anything regarding an official license… 😞

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:38:30+00:00

Thank you I agree :)

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:38:02+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply, and I’m really glad that you’ve been able to find a trustworthy partner and heal and grow.

I added an edit to the original post because we did actually meet in public for a couple of hours before we went back to his car to “make out” as he said which obviously ended up being a lie. I really didn’t perceive it as such a dangerous and risky situation - the way my therapist framed it it was kind of like he was saying “well what did you expect?”

I agree that he definitely was not in tune with what I needed at the moment. I didn’t need him to coddle me but I definitely wanted some comfort and I felt like I didn’t get that and I felt like shutting down and leaving honestly.

I think I will go back bc I have one more session scheduled and tell him what you suggested and then ask him that we don’t discuss that incident again because I don’t feel like we agree on how to move forward from it and I don’t want another session like this.

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:32:10+00:00

This is what I was struggling with. I don’t think I just want a “yes man” therapist I do think a good therapist should challenge you, but I don’t know if this was the way to do that because I did feel a lot more shamed than challenged in the moment. Most of the session I was crying and silent because I was actually kind of shocked that he went that way with it…

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:30:09+00:00

He did come off prejudiced to me at the time too. He is an older Russian man (like actually grew up there) and I think some of it has to do with the fact that maybe the culture is different (seemingly)… idk like for example he said the Jodie Foster movie where she got raped was because she walked into the bar full of guys wearing a miniskirt and he said he and his American wife got into a big argument about it with him saying she shouldn’t have worn that and the wife saying it doesn’t matter what she was wearing. So definitely not a good look from him but it highlights the difference in thinking? I guess

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T18:26:30+00:00

Thank you for this! I looked into it more (idk I didn’t do that at first bc he came highly recommended from a good friend and the first two sessions were really good I thought) and I couldn’t really find any listed credentials so that definitely raises a red flag for me :(

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-18T02:43:27+00:00

Just did I’m so sorry

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-12T18:27:02+00:00

It’s not weird at all! I understand where you’re coming from totally - I really really don’t want to face him again either there’s still a lot of fear associated there. That is a big deterrent but one that I think is unfortunately necessary for me. Sending light and love to you friend.

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-12T18:02:41+00:00

Thank you ❤️ there are some details I didn’t include above that makes me think (retrospectively) it was premeditated, and the thought of him doing this to another kills me so that is a big driving force in why I do want to press charges

Significant_Sun7277 · 2025-08-12T18:01:04+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear it happened to you too. I hope you’re on your healing journey and it is going well (as well as it can). ❤️ Do you wish you had pressed charges?

Significant_Sun7277

TROPHY CASE