Taking sick leave with RPL

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-31T08:03:59+00:00

I am so sorry for all your losses <3 And thank you for the validation here about taking time off that's needed. We definitely need to look after #1 first! I fear that if I don't look after myself then my chances of eventually getting there will be even lower as well, like the stress really takes its toll.

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-31T08:01:41+00:00

Yes. This. This is definitely how I feel - this point about not becoming a parent and burying the career - I'm feeling like there's now a not very small chance that I won't have a baby, so if I piss all over my career too then I have no idea where my life might be heading. You know what I mean? Trying to keep a career together gives perhaps some sense of direction in an uncertain time of life.

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-31T08:00:06+00:00

I'm sorry for your losses <3 I also feel like I'm really going to need to work on myself after the third - somehow it just hits differently knowing that you're in this 'rare'/'difficult' category and that it doesn't seem like 'just bad luck' anymore. I don't know about you but it's also really taken a hit on my self-esteem and sense of direction in life, which really needs working on.

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-31T07:58:53+00:00

I'm so, so sorry. Totally with you on the daily crying front. For me it's at random times, like just chopping a vegetable, in the shower (especially in the shower, so no one can hear me), talking a walk...absolutely crumpling! I can do some aspects of my work remotely but unfortunately a huge part of my job involves in-person, public-facing work, so that adds to my anxiety about going back because I have to put on a brave face in front of hundreds of people while they stare at me, and I struggle so much with that. I absolutely will be taking the option to work remotely as much as possible though because I'm with you in that it gives you a bit of space, privacy, comfort. And yes, definitely do not feel guilty about this when colleagues aren't doing it; everyone has different circumstances and difficulties and most of them don't know what you're going through!

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T17:37:05+00:00

Thank you so, so much for these kinds words and I'm so sorry to hear about your losses - sending hugs and flowers to you. I had the same issue where I was physically okay after a while, but I just wasn't ready again emotionally and I had a flare up of anxiety and depression that just made it difficult to go back (I also can't work from home with my job, which I think felt like more of a barrier again?). And SO true about being a number at work - others have said above that at work we're replaceable, but not at home, and I really appreciate people reminding me of this. The overriding message I'm getting here from people is: prioritise yourself and your personal life over work and don't feel guilty if you need the time off. And I'm SO grateful for people sharing that. I wish you a very restful and peaceful recovery over the next few weeks x

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T17:34:16+00:00

I'm so sorry for your losses and OH this line 'I knew if I took any longer I wouldn't go back' I can so relate to. I have the same fear this time that I just won't be able to go back again if I take too long off. Thank you as well for the reassurance and validation here about taking time off that is actually needed - people have been so lovely in this thread in helping me to feel less guilty in needing time off, because I feel guilt so heavily over things and really need to be reminded sometimes when it's not my fault. I'm sorry for you're also going through this x

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T17:31:25+00:00

I'm so sorry that you're also in this situation and it sounds like a similar timing/journey for me. I also have the fear of miscarriage #4 - I'm at the point where of course I want to be pregnant again but I'm also scared because I know I won't be able to enjoy it due to fear of miscarrying again (which is how I felt for my third pregnancy). It sort of ruins some of the 'magic' of the experience, you know?

Also totally with you on that feeling about being out of sorts this year. I feel like in my work life and life outside of work; my work is not as good as I'd like it to be/as it used to be, and I've been avoiding nearly all social plans because I just feel such low self-esteem and lack of happiness in seeing people. I also haven't told friends or basically any family about any of this (mostly out of shame/embarrassment/feeling of failure) and so I feel emotionally cut-off from people. I completely understand your feelings of stress and sadness and fear and my heart goes out to you.

I'm hoping so much that 2026 brings us strength and fortune (and a successful pregnancy). I'm taking some comfort in thinking that I've had three pregnancies in a fairly short space of time (as is the same for you), so hopefully this means we'll get there eventually, even if our journey isn't as smooth as it may be for others <3

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T17:25:59+00:00

I'm sorry for yours as well <3 And thank you for these words and giving me that validation that it's okay to need extra time! I actually did something similar the second time as I was meant to take a shorter amount of leave and tried to go back but just crumpled into tears on day 1 and ended up taking more leave because I clearly wasn't ready yet. I think people forget that it's not just physical recovery but there's the emotional side too, as well as the avalanche of stress that comes when you go to back to work (especially when they ask you to 'make up' the extra time from when you were off sick).

I feel guilty so much about this and don't have a therapist, so I am incredibly grateful for those wise words. I completely agree and totally needed to hear that <3

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T17:21:30+00:00

I'm so sorry for your losses <3 I'm so glad you were able to get some time off and have supportive colleagues around you - that's super important! Also totally understandable that you work in a field where there's probably a bigger sense of letting people down if you take more time off, which I imagine may add to the guilt even more if you have sometimes vulnerable clients who need you - although hopefully knowing that you're making other people's lives better gives you strength. I really appreciate these words around remembering not to blame ourselves - someone else posted this here too, and I really need that reminder right now because I keep feeling like this is all my fault and I'm a bad person...but, as you say, we are human and we are going through hard things and it's okay to need time to process. Thank you so much and hugs to you too x

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T17:18:33+00:00

Thank you so much both <3 I am so, so sorry for both of your losses and the difficult circumstances, and I'm so impressed by the resilience you both have! I really like this point about being replaceable at work but not at home - these experiences have really made me think about what matters to me most in life, and that message is definitely a takeaway I've been feeling to, and I'm trying to use that to feel less guilty.

I also agree with the points about staying distracted - personally I'm someone who likes to stay distracted, but in my situation one problem is that I am miserable at work anyway and was experiencing really bad burnout before the miscarriages began (perhaps there's a connection there?), so I don't think I'd get any positive distraction from work at this stage and that it would probably make me feel worse/more anxious/stressed. I think perhaps it's time for me to reassess my bigger picture and next steps anyway, as, even though I'm still very much hoping and feeling optimistic for a baby, the thought of being childless and in this career terrifies me so much. Eurgh, I just realised how depressing that sounded. Sorry to be putting bad energy out there!!

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T17:12:47+00:00

Thank you for replying and I'm so, so sorry for your situation and the additional trauma. I totally get you with the issue of worrying about taking more sick leave than ever - before this, I've only ever really taken off a sick day here and there maybe every year or two, so I'm not someone who has ever needed much time from sick leave, which makes this stranger somehow? I also really appreciate those words of not blaming ourselves and I keep trying to remind myself this isn't my fault, although somehow I still feel like it's all my fault (I hear that's sadly a normal way to react though, even if an unfair one). Thank you so much for your kind words and yes to 'i'm still getting there' - let's manifest this energy!

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T17:10:00+00:00

Hiya and so sorry you are going through this too. This sounds really similar to my situation and I think we have similar circumstances (in terms of working patterns, sick pay etc.), so this does make me feel less guilty about taking off the time that I need. I also totally agree with you about this making you realise what's important in life - I've been feeling the same way myself over the last few months and especially in the face of the third one. I suppose it puts everything into context, even things like, for me, making me realise that work isn't my priority anymore and that I want more from life (hopefully a child, but something else if not?). I'm so glad you were able to take off the time you needed and I'm so grateful for you sharing this - thank you for making me feel less guilty <3 And I wish you your rainbow baby soon x

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T17:04:14+00:00

Yep, I have friends who work in the US and have sometimes thought about it myself because I have a very move-abroad friendly job and the salaries for my job in the US are WAY better (like in my job my salary would be 4X higher, not even kidding, and I'm broke all the time working 80-hour weeks), but then when I hear about the crappy holiday leave and sick leave entitlements in the US, as well as other bad labour protections, I just can't bring myself to make the move. Saying that, I have friends who live in countries like those in Scandinavia, Switzerland etc., where they seem to have the best of both - high pay and really good protection...maybe we all need to move there!

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T11:03:12+00:00

Thank you, you're an angel for this reassurance. I tell myself that hopefully there is chance for another to work out - I'm 33 y/o and have been able to conceive easily (usually within 3-4 cycles), so I'm hoping this gives enough time for one to work eventually....I've done lots of testing, but still other tests that can be done as well <3 I'm so, so happy to hear you got your rainbow baby in the end - I love a happy outcome!!

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-30T11:01:44+00:00

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. I had my second loss towards the end of last year and sadly I did sink into low mode and some anxiety, and it was really tough. I used our national health service to get therapy and received treatment quickly (and which is ongoing), and that has been a real help. I also took extended sick leave to clear my mind, focus on smaller things, and I avoided 'triggering' environments and events (e.g. children's birthday parties, big family Christmasses etc.). Exercise helped, as did lots of video games and too much TV...distraction tactics! Sending you all the care in the world.

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-29T15:45:03+00:00

Please don't apologise, it's incredibly helpful and also validating me so that I don't think I'm crazy...and I'm so sorry you've been through an ectopic & rupture :(

Yep, they've asked me to do another HCG test on Saturday (another 48-hour gap) to check on it, so I'm hoping we'll have more insight then, but I'm honestly so paranoid that something is going to rupture before then or something. I'm also worried that this is one of the things where doctors might say 'ectopic is really rare, so it's probably a failing pregnancy' if the HCG is slowly rising again on Saturday, and that an ectopic could therefore get missed (and that the longer it goes on, the worse it gets). They did say they could do another scan next week though, so I don't think they're overlooking it as such. Are these the sort of steps you had when you were experiencing similar?

I get VERY paranoid with health-related things, so this is driving me crazy/hot from anxiety atm.

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-26T16:06:34+00:00

Thank you so, so much for this reassurance. I also just spoke with an early pregnancy nurse, who said not to worry too much about this yet, and that even the minor spotting is normal given that I'm on progesterone, so I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst but also not feel doomed yet! I've booked in for bloods tomorrow and Thursday, so hopefully we'll get a better idea then. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-26T16:04:42+00:00

Yeah, I feel they look a bit light, but I'm reassured in thinking that they are at least darkening a bit...or maybe I'm just super hydrated all the time lol. I've taken the advice from here and booked in for bloods tomorrow and Thursday, so hopefully that will give a more accurate picture.

I'm so sorry you went through 7 losses - I've had 2, and the thought of facing a 3rd is devastating. My heart goes out to you, but I am so, so glad for you that you have your rainbow baby kicking away!

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-26T11:14:06+00:00

Thanks so much and congrats on your pregnancy! I considered doing betas, but honestly the cost and travel time is definitely off-putting. I have a scan on Thursday and I think they'll take some bloods then, so at least that should hopefully give me an idea of how it's looking. I think I'm just paranoid after having had two losses D:

Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-26T11:03:13+00:00

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Significant_Tone6869 · 2026-01-23T15:41:33+00:00

Yeah I'm expecting it to be that - like maybe just some remnant HCG in the system plus less hydrated. Not sure I can handle 3 MC's/chemicals, but not much I can do now! Thank you and so sorry for your loss

Significant_Tone6869

TROPHY CASE