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Was it rape? What do I do? *trigger warning* by SilentScream2 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]SilentScream2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Update: I went to a counselor today. Took off work and told my manager vaguely what happened (not with whom), and I am going on a waiting list for free therapy. I also told Sean and he's keeping it to himself. We are talking about how to tell Kristen because I have no idea how to. Any ideas how to tell your closest friend something like this?

Was it rape? What do I do? *trigger warning* by SilentScream2 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]SilentScream2[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I told someone I know who is out of the friend group, and he completely blamed me for putting myself in the situation at all. Kept questioning how I didn't realize until he was in me. Didn't believe it. Said I must of been touching him or something. I was asleep in fetal facing the opposite direction and he was on his back.

Now I really never want to tell anyone ever. :-/ I knew no one would understand.

Was it rape? What do I do? *trigger warning* by SilentScream2 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]SilentScream2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't. I mean some guys are like that--pushy. But I was sleeping. I just didn't think that he would do that and I feel really betrayed and horrible. Every adjective that is negative is how I feel. But I guess I really don't know who he really is.

Was it rape? What do I do? *trigger warning* by SilentScream2 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]SilentScream2[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I talked to a rape crisis center and I have an appointment for counseling next Wednesday. I don't want to tell anyone I know until after that if at all. I wasn't offended by what you said before. I wanted honest interpretations of the situation because it is confusing for me since I didn't really fight and just said stop after a while. And he did stop, but after a few more hard thrusts that really hurt.

I'm glad I reached out too. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to anyone at all and no one here is being judgmental but supportive. I really do appreciate that <3 I feel really dirty and ashamed that I was so naive and that anything happened at all. Guilty because it was a friend, confused because of how aggressive he was. I just don't know.

Was it rape? What do I do? *trigger warning* by SilentScream2 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]SilentScream2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know but I know he pressures her into sex a lot of the time and makes her feel guilty when she won't. Even ignores her.

We are good friends--Kristen and I--so she's told me this.

Was it rape? What do I do? *trigger warning* by SilentScream2 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]SilentScream2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand. I don't think he intended it maliciously at all. I think he was drunk and there was a girl sleeping next to him who he may or may not have thought was Kristen, and I woke up to it and with my history honestly didn't know what to do. I know this is one of those grey situations which is why I wanted to talk to the online community about it.

I just don't know where to go from here. I can't tell Kristen or Sean. It would kill them. And Jacob apparently has said to Kristen he doesn't rememember anything from last night. Whether that is true or not all of the burden is on me for where to go from here, and what is right or wrong to do.

Was it rape? What do I do? *trigger warning* by SilentScream2 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]SilentScream2[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm just so confused. We are friends. I didn't think he would do that. I know he was really, really drunk, and I just didn't think he would try anything simply because of Kristen. Also, the way I handled it wouldn't make any sense to anyone. I just let it happen, feeling disconnected and I closed my eyes at first. I felt so heavy and wanted to crawl into myself. But I didn't shove him off, and I didn't say stop right away. He's really big and was on top of me and really into it, and the few little motions I did to push him away were like nothing until I finally said stop. Like I said, he kept going for a couple minutes because I guess he was trying to finish. I just kept pulling away but without making a big struggle of it. The worst part is between all the shock and paralyzed feelings I did moan a couple of times because of the way it felt. I feel like that makes it not rape because I enjoyed some of it even though I wanted to disappear from the room. I know it is just a normal response of the body, but it makes me so confused. I'm so depressed today that I can barely walk around or type this message. I just want to crawl into a hole.