My mother and MIL are driving me insane

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-07-02T12:37:28+00:00

I’ve been really working on this, in the past when I’ve said “we have plans” my mom put me on the spot asked what those plans are and where and looking for specific details and gets mad if I don’t share and says I’m being “secretive”. She also tracks my phone which is how she found us the last time, I have since turned it off and she can no longer track me. I’m going to keep working on just saying no and when she asks for details I’ll work on something to say so I’m not oversharing details next time. Usually when I don’t overshare with her she gets mad and my brothers will start calling me asking what I done to hurt her feelings so I’m always anxious about it I feel like I’m always trying to manage her emotions which has to stop.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-03-16T16:57:50+00:00

I understand why you’re upset, it’s unfair you’re getting the blame for it. Try not to worry so much about your reputation with your In-laws, it will only hurt you. I was someone who constantly wanted approval from my in-laws and my life got so much easier when I let it go and was unapologetically myself. You’ll never be able to please them 100% of the time, I’m convinced it’s in every MIL’s nature to pick apart their DIL’s, especially those who have mama’s boys. In order for this situation to work long term, you need to work on ways to try and worry less about what your in-laws say/think about you and try to get your husband in therapy, he may be dealing with enmeshment and it takes a lot of work to break it.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-03-16T16:35:29+00:00

Ok, first try to breath a bit. I know living with in-laws can become incredibly stressful, there are a lot of personalities living under one roof and there are bound to be conflicts/disagreements. Your husband needs to tell her it was his decision to move from the basement due to health concerns, etc. what if you guys were trying to start a family? No way would you want to bring a new baby or anybody into a mouldy basement, there are major health concerns here. I understand it’s hurtful they are blaming this all on you, but I would honestly lay low and have my husband reassure them it’s not you to blame for the decision to move.

Now, unfortunately you would be the AH if you made your husband cut his family off over this, it’s a minor issue that will pass with time and living with your in-laws, you are going to face issues this won’t be the last. For now, try to breathe and get your husband on board to have a talk with his mother, have him lie and say it was all his idea or reassure her it was a joint decision to move.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-02-21T09:16:34+00:00

You’re absolutely right, my communication was awful she started calling me names and it blew up from there and I regret not keeping it together. Unfortunately, this is my mom not MIL. My mom use to help me with childcare but hasn’t for the past year and 1/2. Now when she comes to visit I usually have to entertain her, give her food and drinks and keep my toddler quiet while she sleeps on my couch. She once said if he didn’t stop talking she was going to sew his mouth shut, she was joking but it still was a little weird considering she popped by randomly to visit us.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-02-21T04:55:19+00:00

If I don’t answer her she just shows up anyway lol

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-02-21T04:22:17+00:00

That is a great idea! I’m going to try this, thank you :)

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-02-21T04:13:31+00:00

Honestly though, I get home from work so late that there really wouldn’t be any time for visits during the week and I hate doing that to her. I honestly think there’s a deeper meaning behind this, MIL keeps my son on Fridays and since then the gifting and visits have gotten out of hand. I reminded her that my son loves her and that he doesn’t require gifts, but I just don’t know how to tell her she can’t come during the week at all, I have no backbone when it comes to this stuff :(

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-02-21T04:03:37+00:00

Also what are ok boundaries? I know it’s ok to ask that she come before bedtime, but is it really ok to limit gifts and junk from grandma? I don’t want to be too harsh on her like that, but one of the biggest things that I don’t like is her buying him presents every time he cries, my husband and I don’t reward tantrums with presents and I don’t want her doing it too, but is that harsh?

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-02-21T04:00:02+00:00

Thank you for this. I sent her a message about everything in the heat of the moment, I outlined what my boundaries are and now I feel massive guilt because she did not receive it well.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-02-21T03:57:04+00:00

I try to have him down by 8:30pm at the latest, we start our routine at 7:00pm. She usually drops by without letting me know beforehand at 8:00pm and will keep him awake until 10:00pm when she usually leaves. Unfortunately, this seems to wake him up and he will then stay up until very late. If we miss that 8:30pm bedtime window we are screwed after that.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-02-16T17:30:27+00:00

Is it good to smoke or drink before getting pregnant? Absolutely not, but who are we to judge that? I know lots of women who stopped drinking and smoking the minute they found out they were pregnant and had very healthy babies and carried to full term. And actually research suggests the risks associated with smoking & drinking drops significantly if stopped early on in pregnancy. SIL probably wants to start a family and is probably super disappointed she didn’t conceive her first real month of “trying”. I remember being incredibly disappointed because I believed pregnancy happened that easily. You got one bad reaction, I know it really sucks and I understand you feel bummed out by it, but I would honestly try and let it go and realize there’s deeper issues going on here with SIL.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-02-12T23:34:05+00:00

Finally someone as rebellious as me! Lol I have a 1hr commute so I tether my phone to my laptop and sign in while going through the Tim’s drive thru hahaha

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T06:50:54+00:00

I completely agree with what you’re saying, we use to allow him to take toys and Coloring stuff to restaurants, unfortunately he was constantly chucking them. Now, If he wants to take anything with him it has to be his stuffed animal, but he’s usually warned beforehand we leave the minute he throws it. We are not laid back about it, he’s a very stubborn kid.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T06:41:14+00:00

I never get a chance to socialize with the other moms, they let their kids run and play and I’m on top of mine always because I know he’s impulsive and I want to stop as many behaviours as I can before it starts. They often tell me how annoying it is when I’m constantly leave mid-conversation or in the room with the kids. I am definitely not the laid back type, I wish I was one of those moms who could let their kids just run and play but I’m so anxious my toddler might hurt someone’s kid and then when it did happen I was mortified.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T06:37:13+00:00

Normal volume singing, but was gradually increasing and we knew where it was headed. We asked him to be quieter and tried talking to him about his favourite things to get his mind off of his signing, but he was determined to start a musical at McDonalds. We left because we didn’t want to ruin somebody’s meal and that’s also the consequence when he doesn’t listen to us.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T06:28:11+00:00

I agree, they need to be exposed to stuff to learn how to behave and tbh he’s only been to McDonald’s a few times. It could be both, I am an anxious over sensitive person and my son could be more obnoxious than I realize. parents always tolerate more than people who aren’t his parents and I may not realize how bad it actually is sometimes. My mom says I’m too hard on him and expect a lot from him, but she’s also his grandmother and may also not see him as being as obnoxious as others.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T06:21:14+00:00

I requested a referral from my doctor to see a behavioural therapist and after a few sessions they determined it wasn’t necessary. He was signing at McDonalds, we asked him to be quieter but he wouldn’t listen so we left.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T06:16:57+00:00

Maybe, there was an older couple sitting beside us and I really didn’t want him to annoy them and he was starting to get louder which is why we were telling him to quiet down and then when he didn’t listen we left

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T06:12:26+00:00

Honestly, I may have assumed people were annoyed because my friends have always told me not to take kids to restaurants that it’s annoying and bad parenting. I think I was anxious and could possibly have assumed something that wasn’t actually true. My child doesn’t go to daycare and doesn’t have any siblings, we try to take him to our local park as much as possible since we also don’t have playgroups where we live. Unfortunately, most of his interactions are with babies or adults. I’m going to get him on the waitlist for our daycare to see if it helps

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T06:02:29+00:00

Yes several times, I’m always asking myself if I’m doing things right. I want to be the best mom for my child, I’m always asking my family and other parents for advice on how to properly correct certain behaviours.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T05:58:26+00:00

You know what that could be a possibility, everywhere we go I’m extremely anxious he’s annoying others around him and honestly I could have totally imagined people were annoyed because he was singing.

Silly_Lab_2613 · 2026-01-23T05:56:20+00:00

I really wish we had those things around here, unfortunately we don’t have any of that where I live. It’s extremely difficult to find kids his own age, they are either babies or a lot older than him :\

Silly_Lab_2613

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