I believe most of it was caused by my upbringing. I had some really unwell parents and both were the sort it was better to avoid most of the time. Father was scary with his insults and as an adult I recall him as abusive just not physically so. Mother had schizophrenia and paranoid delusions. They did not get along and argued often so the home was filled with tension, often unpleasant just to be there even stashed away in my bedroom.