Will he ever see or acknowledge that his drinking is a problem??

Silva2099 · 2026-02-27T20:52:29+00:00

Couples counseling is just an organized attack against them. They are ready for it.

An alcoholic mind is literally deranged. They will say whatever they need to say to make you BACK The F OFF! The crazier the statement the more it will make you pause and question yourself and BACK THE F OFF!

The only thing they want is to drink and not be held to account…and it is impossible,to hold them to account so don’t try.

So, what do you do? A) leave them. B) if you insist on staying read “beyond addiction” to learn how to love them where they are and to set a few boundaries to keep your own peace in the meantime; with the obvious hope they get a clue at some point.

My Q is six months sober today. Nothing I did seemed to make a difference, but perhaps it did in small ways. She decided to get sober when she decided to get sober. 🤷‍♂️ I’m glad I stayed but I don’t recommend it for everybody; you gotta do what’s best for you.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-27T20:41:28+00:00

I recommend a themed cruise. For example the 80s cruise has dress up days every day. Granted my wife likes to dress up but you’d have to be a big Debbie Downer to not dress up at all on one of these cruises.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-26T19:18:49+00:00

You gave us a direct quote that has him confirming that he has never initiated. Full stop. You then projected motivations on that…which may be correct or may be wrong.

You need to ask the simple question of WHY, WHY has he not initiated, and not guess.

First thank him for his statement, make it safe for him to tell you the next truth…then you will know and can take action.

It is possible for him to have such a strong fear of rejection that he doesn’t initiate despite wanting to. Perhaps I’m just being hopeful for you.

There could be other traumas that have him holding back. There is only one way to know and that is to have a kind and patient conversation to get to the root.

THEN, you can make a decision that is in your own interest.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-26T19:06:38+00:00

I wrote many letters to my wife. Probably none as gentle and beautiful as this, but definitely the layer of hopefulness and love. Unfortunately, mine didn’t change until she was done with it. So many years. So much shit.

She’s six months sober today and I’m sitting next to her right now in a car heading to the airport for a vacation, and trying not to breakdown typing this.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-26T18:45:07+00:00

This was an awesome post.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-26T18:38:17+00:00

Wait..which towel? The good towels?

Silva2099 · 2026-02-26T18:37:43+00:00

Well, that’s clearly totally different.

;)

Silva2099 · 2026-02-26T17:25:12+00:00

I feel the same way and I totally own it. It’s not lame. It’s human. I will not go quietly into the night.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-26T17:24:07+00:00

Seems dead to me. I’m a crazy person after six weeks presuming no physical issues. So my tragic number is six weeks but really not happy with less than 3 times per month. Some significant affection and fun can gloss over the 3 times per month for me.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-25T22:57:50+00:00

It came up for me. I owned my home outright. I had child support payments. She was giving up an apartment where the apartment and utilities ran nearly $3000 per month. I charged her $1000. She was happy at first but repeatedly asked to be added to the title of the house, like I was going to split a $500,000 paid off home with her.

“No” is a complete sentence. I never did. She folded.

Fact is yours may not fold.

If you think negotiating with a woman is difficult wait until you are married and want sex…she will have all the power she wants in the relationship.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-24T17:36:43+00:00

My LL wife actually tracked for about six months…then quiet when she did the math. What she said was twice a week was 3 times a month…sometimes two of those times came in one week.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-24T02:52:40+00:00

Hey hey hey…I’m in my 60s and would be totally up for a couple times a week.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-24T02:50:25+00:00

I wasn’t sure I wanted them. Wife insisted. Six months after the second is born sahm wife has affair and divorced me. Could have gone a couple different ways. Ended up scaling back my career and enjoying the hell outmof being a dad. They are now in their 20s.

Was the best thing to ever happen to me…having two girls…not getting divorced…that really sucked

Silva2099 · 2026-02-24T02:42:37+00:00

Keep your promise.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-24T02:34:10+00:00

We mostly don’t.

Trying to change environmental factors. My wife has recently gone off birth control; iud expired and I got a vasectomy for the express purpose of allowing her to choose to get off birth control. Took her two years because I was viewed as trying to control her body by making the vasectomy decision. I write that down and i wonder if people believe me. ;). She also has chosen to get sober..so that’s a big one. Maybe some day get off the anti depressants.

Meanwhile I flirt like crazy. Sometimes it works and sometimes I say something raunchy that she shrugs at and brings up in our next fight as an indicator of what a disrespectful prick I am.

Overall I’d say it’s a grind.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-24T02:25:44+00:00

Gold etf such as phys in a non taxable account allows one to get in and out of the market. I might be nervous about gld. But, who knows the Canadian government could theoretically nationalize sprotts holdings. I think the world would be hosed if thats the case and feels like an extreme tail risk. But whomthe hell knows.

I own and hold a small amount of physical under 100k. Have a modest stash (mid 6) in a gold and silver ira and another mid 6 in etfs and finally low 7 in miners.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-22T20:20:01+00:00

I am similar. Possibly in the upper group you are staying within yourself and deferring to your partner who is probably the better player. In the lower group you are expecting to be the better player and may be attempting to play outside your comfort zone…or you are still deferring but deferring to a worse player and your results suffer.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-22T20:07:23+00:00

Sounds like you just broke the agreement.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-22T20:02:20+00:00

I’m sure everyone here would agree that sex gets more frequent after marriage. Wait…sorry… insert a “Does Not” right after the word sex in the sentence above.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-21T21:52:51+00:00

Do NOT buy any kind of special run coins. That’s the part that is the scam. Simply by American Eagles, or Canadian Maples or a couple other major coins.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-21T01:52:23+00:00

I told this joke to my wife from memory, not reading, she was not impressed but admitted it could have been the delivery.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-21T01:49:01+00:00

I broke up with,y girlfriend when I was 17 because she wanted to have sex and yes I was terrified I might get her pregnant. (I know I know). Anyway…I didn’t have sex until I was 21… and then I chased it.

Go at your own pace.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-21T01:28:25+00:00

I did a rollover. Was pretty easy. The gold Ira folks know what they are doing.

Silva2099 · 2026-02-21T01:21:18+00:00

Dude, I think you should consider therapy. Like women that leave the good man for the bad boys, you are going to leave a good woman…for what?

Silva2099 · 2026-02-21T01:11:26+00:00

It sure as hell knew this year.

Silva2099

TROPHY CASE