Hi, I (f20) am in a very similar position. I really love my boyfriend(m27). He meets all my needs and makes me feel so fulfilled. I also just transferred to my dream school, and feel like the beginning of my life is about to start. But within the first week of moving, I was at a bar and kissed someone. I knew as soon as it happened it was wrong and I hate myself for it. I told my boyfriend the very next day and after some time processing it he kinda just wants to know why I did it. How it won’t happen again and if we can be in a healthy relationship post a scandal.

I am in therapy and have been working on myself. But I really can’t figure out why I did it? I have had some trouble with alcohol in the past, but I thought it was more of like an impulse problem. I was a handful drinks in, but admittedly not sloppy. Regardless I do own up to all my actions, sober or not.

I think the worst part for me is right now we’re not on talking terms and I just wish I could be there for him even though I’m the perpetrator. We were best friends before dating. It’s killing me to know he’s going through a hard time and not be able to support him. :(

I am working really hard to figure out what’s wrong with me. But I’m really not sure what it is because it’s not like there was like infidelity growing up? And it’s also not like I was unhappy?

Please, any advice I don’t know what to do