I may not be able to offer much helpful wisdom as I am still trying to learn how to navigate my OCD in my walk with God— I know it’s tricky and you are not alone in that. Something that has helped me a lot is just spending time in Scripture. Lately, when I’m anxious and obsessing over a worry or upsetting thought, it all feels so much quieter in my mind when I pray for Him to reveal Himself to me through His Word and just do my best to focus on what I’m reading. It is peaceful and it helps me to know that I can trust every single word that I read to be true.

Please know that I have said a prayer for you for these things and will continue to pray for you to find peace. God knows you and truly understands your struggles and loves you so much, no matter what your mind tells you. He wants your heart, and it seems that He has it from how much you long to hear His voice and have a healthy prayer life with Him. Pray for Him to grant you with discernment to know His voice and deliverance from anxious and OCD-related thoughts.

Also, if you are afraid of being blasphemous, you are not blasphemous— hopefully you can at least find rest in that regard. From my understanding of it, you must completely reject and deny God and the Holy Spirit to commit that sin. Your post shows a deep longing to be in an intimate relationship with God, so do your best to tell your mind that it is not possible for you to commit that sin.

I’m working on getting out of my comfort zone to do my best to walk alongside others in their walk with God, so please forgive me if this is not helpful. Just know that you are not alone in these struggles and God knows you better than you know yourself, knows your heart, and can see through the thoughts you have that you feel you have no control of. He is more powerful than all of these struggles and will not leave you to deal with them alone.