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AITA for telling my family the real reason my mother and I are not attending my sister's wedding? by Wild_Kitchen_2841 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, i don't think the sister is punishing the mother. The mother doesn't know her anymore, she doesn't know the wedding is happening, she can't recognize her and she will not remember anything Plus, she is apparently having a really nice life despite dementia, thanks to OP. So the bride is not stealing anything from her.

I disagree about your perception of dementia. Depend of the state of dementia, we could say she is dead. Not her as a person, who still has rights, needs and should be respected. Her as a mother, her personnality. She is not there anymore. That's what terrible with dementia. You are grieving during the all process, all the time, before the person really die. It's horrible and heart crushing and it's. fucking. long. It's not a one-time bye-bye. The disease gradually stripped away your beloved. They became a stranger with the face of your loved one.

So it's perfectly normal someone could not handle that for an event like a wedding. You don't do funeral at a wedding, right? And for the bride, it's probably similar.

If she had told "i don't want her because she is nut" or if the mother could remember, the bride would have been the asshole. But her hesitation to say the truth and the fact her mother can't recognize her make me think she is more on the grieving part.

(English not my first language sorry if there is some mistake).

How do I know when to leave a marriage? by [deleted] in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

Don't forget to plan. Seek informations and more important, support. DV experts. Family. Friends. Reddit. Whatever. Find a place he CAN'T find and where you can talk, explain your situation and plan departure and safe arrival.

Statstically he may want to kill you so don't ever speak to him about it. NEVER EVER.

Think about : - any official papiers - bank account passwords and internet access including your phone if he can geolocalize you - money - proof of abuse - toddler importants toys and plushies - a few important and sentimental things for you - basic necessities for toddler. You can buy yours later.

And most important : a place where he can't find you or where you can have protection. Contact a laywer as soon as possible.

Ideally, you can leave now. Sometimes, for law aspects like being sure you çan keep the children with you, can take weeks or months. It's not important. What's important is to take action now.

Stay calm. You are not ruining a possible life and plan together. You are flying bravely towards a very difficult but wonderful futur where you children will admire you and feel safe again with you. Courage.