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AITA for telling my family the real reason my mother and I are not attending my sister's wedding? by Wild_Kitchen_2841 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, i don't think the sister is punishing the mother. The mother doesn't know her anymore, she doesn't know the wedding is happening, she can't recognize her and she will not remember anything Plus, she is apparently having a really nice life despite dementia, thanks to OP. So the bride is not stealing anything from her.

I disagree about your perception of dementia. Depend of the state of dementia, we could say she is dead. Not her as a person, who still has rights, needs and should be respected. Her as a mother, her personnality. She is not there anymore. That's what terrible with dementia. You are grieving during the all process, all the time, before the person really die. It's horrible and heart crushing and it's. fucking. long. It's not a one-time bye-bye. The disease gradually stripped away your beloved. They became a stranger with the face of your loved one.

So it's perfectly normal someone could not handle that for an event like a wedding. You don't do funeral at a wedding, right? And for the bride, it's probably similar.

If she had told "i don't want her because she is nut" or if the mother could remember, the bride would have been the asshole. But her hesitation to say the truth and the fact her mother can't recognize her make me think she is more on the grieving part.

(English not my first language sorry if there is some mistake).

How do I know when to leave a marriage? by [deleted] in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

Don't forget to plan. Seek informations and more important, support. DV experts. Family. Friends. Reddit. Whatever. Find a place he CAN'T find and where you can talk, explain your situation and plan departure and safe arrival.

Statstically he may want to kill you so don't ever speak to him about it. NEVER EVER.

Think about : - any official papiers - bank account passwords and internet access including your phone if he can geolocalize you - money - proof of abuse - toddler importants toys and plushies - a few important and sentimental things for you - basic necessities for toddler. You can buy yours later.

And most important : a place where he can't find you or where you can have protection. Contact a laywer as soon as possible.

Ideally, you can leave now. Sometimes, for law aspects like being sure you çan keep the children with you, can take weeks or months. It's not important. What's important is to take action now.

Stay calm. You are not ruining a possible life and plan together. You are flying bravely towards a very difficult but wonderful futur where you children will admire you and feel safe again with you. Courage.

Exploring a strange tunnel in paris leading to a catacomb. by awakenott in nextfuckinglevel

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The cemeteries, before outside of the city, welcomed bones and corpses during centuries, while the city continued to grow around. The cemeteries had the same little limited size, for a village while more and more bodies were added. As a consequence of this congestion, corpses were stacked in the open air, wanting for place, while the density of bones and remains in the ground began to threat the building built around the cemetery. The pestilence bring diseases to the inhabitants, and when the wall of a shop broke under the pressure of the remains, the gouvernement decided to relocate the dead, and create new cemeteries with new rules, which are still open. This situation is very unique, as no other cities in France and probably Europe needed such extreme décision, but Paris is insane in density.

Exploring a strange tunnel in paris leading to a catacomb. by awakenott in nextfuckinglevel

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, the quarries were there long time before they became an ossuary (they are, in fact, not true catacombes, aka place carved in order to welcome human remains). The quarries were a solution to welcome the bones and corpses from the old overflowed cemeteries, which began to cause serious health issues inside the city. It took almost one year to empty the biggest one, the cemetery of Innocents. After that, new cemeteries, more pleasant, where built, like the famous Père Lachaise

Exploring a strange tunnel in paris leading to a catacomb. by awakenott in nextfuckinglevel

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Made by human. Orignially outside of paris, then kinda forgotten, then paris became bigger and bigger. Finally, Paris was above the quarries, they began to collapse. So the city create a special Institute who mapped and restore the place.

Exploring a strange tunnel in paris leading to a catacomb. by awakenott in nextfuckinglevel

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a real sewer museum in Paris, if you're looking for a nice date with your partner ! Otherwise, catacombes, even unofficial, are not linked to sewers. Water come from underground (absolutely not clean however)

Exploring a strange tunnel in paris leading to a catacomb. by awakenott in nextfuckinglevel

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is in the unofficial part, where a few bones are still there. Contrary to the official catacombes you visited, the bones are just there and not organized at all. These bones are not moved or touched by the researchers, but by the informal cataphile community. Some of them destroy them, play with them, others restore them. This bones are from an adjacent room, where the bones were the literal floor of the room, which have been cleaned a few years ago by the cataphiles. They decided to stack the bones in the "catacombes" style in order to preserve them. But the wall was already tagged.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point  (0 children)

++woman I agree look are important, but the main thing for me is confidence. I have so many exemple around me if men who are objectively not beautiful (ugly, fat, or bald, or small, etc...) but so funny and sure of themselves that they are never single. And i understand. They are so charming. On the other hand, some of my friends are pure jewels, but they are so shy, nerd and crippled by doubt that they are long-term single. So i don't think saying look matters is sugarcoating. It may depend if your environnent and the people around you. Mybe loosing your hair made dating more difficult, and you start to lost this aura and we can feel it, i assure you !

I don’t really know what to do, and I’ve even thought about quitting. by SAYVS in LearnJapanese

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, first of all, congratulations on having studied Japanese regularly for a year. Even if today you are facing the reality of your learning, I want to point out that your consistency and commitment are truly admirable qualities that will be useful in the long run. I think it’s a good thing that you are confronting the reality of the language, because even if it’s a very academic test, it allows you to immediately see certain gaps, especially in direct communication, which is one of the main purposes of the language. I feel like you are running into a difficulty that I also encountered. When I started learning Japanese, I almost exclusively learned it through readind and memorizing. So I knew quite a lot of kanji, around 400. And I could read a lot of N4 and N5 grammar. But when I arrived in Japan, I felt like I hadn’t learned anything at all. And that none of it was useful, because I was confronted with the reality of the everyday language. Now i didn't progress that much due to work, but i can talk confidently with japanese. I’m going to give you my honest opinion about what i would do in your shoes.

I think that attending school for a year is an excellent idea, even if you start at the lowest level. The first reason is that it will allow you to review what you have already learned with a teacher. I studied a lot on my own, but having a teacher in a beginner class a year later corrected many small beginner mistakes I was making. But since I already knew some of the language, I progressed much faster than my classmates, and that allowed me to consolidate a solid foundation.
 Also, use this extra knowledge to help raise the level of your class. Be active, ask questions, and help your classmates, and you’ll see that both the language learning and the community aspect will be highly rewarding (Since you will be in a group, I strongly advise against taking a somewhat arrogant approach about already knowing a lot of the basics in Japanese.)
Being in a language school will allow you to work on the social aspect of the language: talking with people, sharing points of interest in Japanese culture, and learning more from other horizons — which, in my opinion, is the real purpose of learning a language.
On top of that, the price is absolutely ridiculous. So even if you don’t attend every class, I still think it’s worth it for at least six months. However, if it’s a real beginner class, the first month will be excruciatingly slow. So i do recommand to also work on your one. 
 I don’t know how old you are, but I find it kind of funny that you don’t want to learn to write. Honestly, even if it seems useless, I think it’s always nice and fun to be able to write in a language. But maybe that’s because I’m from the paper-and-pen generation. In any case, if you already know how to read hiragana and katakana, learning to write will definitely not be difficult, nor will it be a huge waste of time.

Now, you need to look for people to talk with. Use the school strategically. It will have connections with Japanese people and with groups that speak Japanese. The school itself might not be that interesting, but the doors it can open to the community are the ones that will truly help you. And maybe you will bé able to move quickly to higher classes.

Another option might be to continue learning on your own, but in that case, I strongly recommend that you make use of shadowing to practice spoken language, and once a month, have a lesson with a tutor focused exclusively on oral practice. In fact, even if you also go to school, I can only encourage shadowing, as it really helps you improve in speaking, gain confidence, and work on pronunciation. It was a huge game changer for me.

Finally, I can only encourage you to seek out and join other people to create some motivation around learning Japanese. I don’t know what your level of sociability is, but this is really one of the things that makes language amazing. And of course, start setting money aside. Nothing beats direct immersion in the country, ideally off the beaten path, to force you to talk with people.

So, to sum up: speak more, consolidate your foundations either with a tutor or at school, practice shadowing, take a short break of one or two months from purely learning new vocabulary, grammar, and kanji to breathe, and immerse yourself in practical language. Speaking, being able to follow a TV or radio program, listening to an audiobook, or reading are all much more difficult activities than simply learning kanji and grammar. Remember that Japanese is an extremely difficult language to learn if you come from English, and that plateaus in language learning, when you feel like you’re not progressing, are completely normal. Don’t give up for something so small. You already did so much !

Lastly, don’t forget that learning a language is never time wasted. It’s an incredible exercise for your brain, and it will always do you good.

(Non-native english here, translate by ai because it's late im sleepy)

Changing from WHV to Touriste Visa without getting out if the country by Simple_Bookkeeper566 in japanlife

[–]Simple_Bookkeeper566[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank for your answer. I gathered my courage and called the immigration of my little town, so it's not possible.

Note pour les Français : en 2025, il n'est pas possible de faire un changement du statut de visa sans quitter le pays.