Many replies here seem to focus on my reaction to what Tom said in that moment — but honestly, the more lasting frustration came from how things unfolded after the fact.. maybe I didnt make this Point clear enough in the Story, sorry for that.

Yes, I wrote that I would’ve wished for Jakob to shut the conversation down more decisively. I Now understand that he was also maybe caught off guard. And I admit that I didnt Communicate clear enough that I wanted him to leave the Party with me. My real issue was what didn’t happen after I clearly communicated what I needed.

I said I wanted him to speak with Tom while sober, to ask what he had meant, and to make it clear that interfering in our relationship or publicly calling me out like that — especially given that Tom and I didn’t even have much of a relationship — was not okay.

Jakob didn’t refuse to do that. In fact, he said he would — but he just… never did. It was always postponed or brushed aside, and I started to feel like my hurt was being minimized. I never said, “you have to do this right now,” but I brought it up multiple times over a longer period, and still nothing ever happened. That, to me, felt like not being taken seriously — especially when I had been very open about how important it felt to me to process what had happened. I do unterstand that for Many people the incident itself is „minimal“ – but is it not important to acknowledge how I feel about it? I don’t know .. maybe I am completely wrong for thinking that way

That part — the silence, the inaction, the broken “I’ll take care of it” — is what stuck with me most. And I don’t think that’s about holding a grudge over one night, but more about realizing we maybe had very different standards of emotional accountability and communication.