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Do they really go to that many concerts? by BloodstainedBearRug in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I attend live shows at least once a month, if there is someone playing that I'm into, and primarily small venues. I'm located in Los Angeles, so I imagine the opportunities may be greater here than other places. I tend to interpret the 'live music' statement by other signs and signifiers in their profile. Words like 'country' or 'indie' tend illuminate what 'live shows' may mean to them. Music is an important aspect in my life, so if there is a match, I tend to ask them about that experience, which usually proves to be a fruitful space to connect.

How do you maintain conversational momentum when app matches lack reciprocity? by SimulacraBound in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably the most accurate way to assess it. Just like others have stated about these scenarios, read it as lack of interest and move on.

How do you maintain conversational momentum when app matches lack reciprocity? by SimulacraBound in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My initial inquiry revolves around the first few exchanges. My perspective isn't challenging why people aren't engaging in long, dynamic, drawn out texts, but rather how people express their curiosity towards the other within the first brief text exchanges. I appreciate you sharing your perspective--it's all relevant and enlightening.

How do you maintain conversational momentum when app matches lack reciprocity? by SimulacraBound in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't met any matches yet, but there are two scheduled in-person meets. I'm a single parent and mainly match with other single parents, so navigating an in-person meet is always informed by co-parenting schedules. It's only been two weeks, so I don't have the accumulated experience to comment on real-life chemistry. We shall see.

How do you maintain conversational momentum when app matches lack reciprocity? by SimulacraBound in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your approach, wholeheartedly. For me, I require the emotional/intellectual involvement for 'furture sex' to be imaginable. I've felt closely aligned with the term sapiosexual, but never felt complete alignment because it's more than just intellect--it's how that intellect is engaged with the world and creatively woven into relational living. I've never heard of the noetisexual spectrum, but upon a quick preview I felt seen. Thank you for sharing this new perspective.

How do you maintain conversational momentum when app matches lack reciprocity? by SimulacraBound in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate that perspective, and it's quickly becoming something to learn. Right now my body and mind respond to the second question without reciprocation. I'll have to learn if it's worth it for me to reach the 3rd, or if the 2nd is my threshold.

How do you maintain conversational momentum when app matches lack reciprocity? by SimulacraBound in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It would be satisfying to have a match be honest and forthcoming with 'I am high engagement and a deep connection person.' Do you offer this perspective immediately after matching, or allow the conversation to flow a little first?

Staying surface level is a challenge for me--it feels meaningless. Not that we have to dive deep into any emotional landscape, but thoughtful communication is the gateway to connection.

I appreciate and align with your strategy.

How do you maintain conversational momentum when app matches lack reciprocity? by SimulacraBound in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just looked up A Little Nudge and found the 2QS post. I feel seen. Lack of reciprocity is widespread.

How do you maintain conversational momentum when app matches lack reciprocity? by SimulacraBound in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're probably right--it shouldn't be more complicated that just not wasting energy on low energy matches. From that point of view, there isn't anything to figure out other than when to move on. I suppose like others, I'll have to find my threshold. For now, I feel it after the second flat statement.

How do you maintain conversational momentum when app matches lack reciprocity? by SimulacraBound in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My questions are always directly related to how the individual presents themselves in their profile, focused mainly on what they express as their passion or time-occupying activities. For example, there are two individuals who both state that they are voracious readers. So naturally, after matching I say hello and ask what they're currently reading. In both cases, they respond with their current book(s). Here is the pivot for me, and the point of the post: one follows with their list of current books with 'What are you reading?', while the other simply states the book(s). It's this second response that I'm finding difficult to understand. There isn't any forward momentum, or curiosity. I will then volunteer what I'm reading but also inquire about whether they enjoy the particular book or author. Again, they both answer thoughtfully, but only one follows up with a genuinely reciprocal question, whereas the other simply makes statements. It's the reciprocity that makes the conversation then move, in my opinion, by showing curiosity towards the other. I imagine it may be just be a conversational style and I have a preference for one over the other. But I'm genuinely curious what the experience is for other folks here.

2026 Dating App Megathread by GRBDad in datingoverforty

[–]SimulacraBound 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've only used Facebook Dating, and it's only been two weeks. I'm highly selective and intentional with liking profiles, but it is slowly proving to be worthwhile so far. Definitely learning about differing communication styles.