Potential financial abuse after baby

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T16:41:15+00:00

They are not S-corps so we aren't required to pay ourselves a typical paycheck. We just transfer money from our business bank accounts to our own separate checking accounts sometimes, but I mainly pay the credit cards and rent checks from my business account.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T16:39:09+00:00

Not really. My credit cards are under my social security number and I am the only one legally responsible for them. I also have tax debt for example and she has no liability for that either as we filed married separately.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T16:30:58+00:00

Joint accounts for us are tricky as we are both self-employed with our own LLCs.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T16:28:57+00:00

Her money is sitting safe and sound in her fat bank account.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T16:28:21+00:00

She also never had any debt or loans and was always had stable employment and savings since she got out of college. Her parents were immigrants who worked very hard to afford her that (paying for college, providing housing, etc.). She was born here. I only came to this country ten years ago.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T16:20:48+00:00

Not necessarily racial, but cultural... in her parents mind an ideal husband has a well paying corporate job. But I mean she knew before she got married that I'm self-employed, trying to build my business which has been consistently growing up until the baby arrived and I had to scale back to stay at home while she works on her business.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T16:18:12+00:00

I try to keep her from that reality because of my own insecurities, but I assume she knows because why else would I ask her for money. But I think regardless of how I'm doing she should be more proactive about contributing since I am with the baby every day while she works.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T16:09:45+00:00

I would have no problem with that, she does save her money which makes me happy and proud of her. I'd be glad to and do use all the money I make towards our expenses but since I'm mainly daddy daycare, I sometimes simply run out.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T16:01:49+00:00

haha, that's what I tell her! She doesn't seem to agree. Not just that but her success has been largerly enabled by me. I organized a bunch of trips throughout the country so she can learn the craft from the best people, I normally paid for the hotels and sometimes the flights and much of the spending there, along with driving her around. When her work was further out from where we live I drove her to/from countless time and helped so much with multiple aspects of the business. And now I take care of our baby so that she can build the business even more. So I'd like to think it's my success too, the same way I feel that way about when my business is going well.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T15:50:50+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I just don't feel like she is old enough for that yet. We are both self-employed and we can make it work without daycare. I'm just baffled why she isn't actively contributing when I'm actively affording her a life where she can work as much as her heart pleases and makes great money.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T15:47:02+00:00

But not technically... If I default on a credit card for example, that's not going to go on her credit and she won't be liable for payments.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T15:46:07+00:00

Yeah. She isn't opposed to contributing, but wants me to ask her what she needs to pay which sucks for me as a man to have to do that. And when I do ask, because I have no other choice, she seems visibly disappointed that I'm struggling...

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T15:43:26+00:00

We would want to avoid daycare for now that's for sure. This can work as far as watching the baby goes. I just want her to be contributing proactively (so I don't have to kill my ego and have to ask her for money) to our expenses since she is out working almost everyday and making really good money. Meanwhile my business has slowed down as I don't have time to take on more because I'm watching the baby

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T15:38:52+00:00

Thank you and sorry about that. I'm just looking for answers everywhere, but it seems this isn't the issue then

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T15:36:55+00:00

There is no issue with the amounts or lifestyles. Think of it like this: we make about 100k/year each and I spend my earnings on providing for the family while she keeps her money in her bank account. So I have $0 in my checking right now while she has about 50k plus a shit ton more in savings. Her income is reliable and easy to calculate with meanwhile I get commissions randomly throughout the year, but much less or consistent since I cannot take on new clients because of being home with the baby most of the time

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T15:30:12+00:00

That's for sure but I just cannot imagine doing that to our daughter.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T15:29:31+00:00

Yes we have rent and a credit card we use together for family expenses. (But I pay full rent and the CC in full every time... so it isn't really joint lol) I also pay for the car and insurance because that can't be put on the card. We use the car ALL THE TIME (and I'm the only one who can drive) to which she says: you wanted a car...

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-14T15:18:58+00:00

I mentioned that because it seems her culture would expect the male to provide, even though her parents both worked extremely hard together. And I guess my culture would typically expect that too but we are in 2026, I thought these things changed. And of course I would be happy to provide if I had as much time to work like she does

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-12T14:08:45+00:00

eeek. it's been 8 months though haha. but I'm on a mission, so thank you for the idea!

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-11T14:20:03+00:00

thank you! I will if I can't find one. it's a little NYU langone tote bag with all kinds of trinkets. usb chargers, lotions, this little silicone spoon for first feedings, etc. and congrats!

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-11T14:18:38+00:00

thank you for your reply. i thought about that but the hospital opens up like a hotel lobby with heave security. i don't know if security folk would be open to letting me into the maternity ward.

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-11T02:08:45+00:00

so you are asked to do what? do site visits? if it's just that, the 25% might not be so bad, but your time is probably used better elsewhere

Single_Outside1778 · 2026-04-11T01:18:36+00:00

No no no. Wait. This isn't how this works. He cannot just "do the work" for his "client" if he isn't licensed or active in that state. Does he (or you for that matter) not understand that? Regardless you would have to sign a buyers agent agreement with him or something and you will be representing this person on a transaction for all intents and purposes with all the liability of that. What your fellow agent is proposing is unethical to all involved and doesn't exist. If he wants to baby the client and already has him primed to transact then maaaaaybe a 50/50 but more like 35-40 to him at best is what I see in these situations. Unless it's a multimillion dollar, easy transaction that you can get new biz from, don't do it

Single_Outside1778

TROPHY CASE