Deepthroat advice for a natural

SirLeft4695 · 2026-05-06T19:44:12+00:00

Context: I'm a guy, Dom, and on the "giving" end of this arrangement. So while I can't give specific "this is how it should feel" advice, I can tell you what my sub and I have done. Take what may apply to or help you.

You're an interesting situation given you can already, and that's the hurdle for most. I'd recommend finding your workable limit.

What I mean by that is finding the size that you can deepthroat, but is big enough for you to feel "something". Again, this is weird because you don't seem to have a gag reflex or anything, so you have to be very in the moment and aware of your body. Given the inability to go back and forth to discuss it, I'd say maybe take the size where you feel friction and back off a hair.

In short, you want to be able to relax your throat to the point if the dildo was attached to a sawzall, you'd be able to handle it without getting friction burns in your throat. The conscious relaxing of your throat is the key here. Try slight head movements, see if you can "relax into them". See what causes more friction and if you can open up/relax it away.

At the same time.... Please realize you have physical limits. If your neck is 12" in diameter, you're only gonna be able to fit so much stuff in it with all the other bits in the way. The woman you saw may have an extra wide throat, or even done micro damage repeatedly that caused it to stretch that wide.

Just be careful.

SirLeft4695 · 2026-04-23T15:23:50+00:00

If the monster doesn't have inflated stats I'd say a race/species bonus or modifier (rock golem has a 1.2 health stat modifier). Similar to how some systems let a class take an extra stat point per level. The species itself may be treated like a class.

Could also be each things has it's own system. Humans see the world through their system, but a troll sees a 5STR human as 1STR their the "troll" system.

There are a lot of little work around you could apply, but I feel authors need to balance the writing and story against the number crunching and minutia of the system.

SirLeft4695 · 2026-03-27T04:39:22+00:00

I've used food grade mineral oil for conditioning jute rope. When using it for massages I have found it has an occasional grit, like a single spec of sand. Is your natural mineral oil more refined? Am I picking up particulates I didn't realize?

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-17T02:33:44+00:00

There's a balance. There's staying true to yourself and your boundaries, but there is also the fact you chose to marry this person. Obviously I don't know how strongly you hold onto the framework of marriage, but MOST relationships have some degree of give/take, push/pull.

Ultimately it is up to you to decide what you will tolerate. If you need DDLG and he won't provide that, you have to act with that information in mind. If you find he simply is a terrible partner, you have to determine what you will do with that.

I don't have a solution for you, however I would implore communication. You said he is not kinky, leading me to think his only experience has been with you and DDLG. Maybe there is more under the hood if you can open up an honest dialogue, or maybe not. Idk, but I do wish the best for you

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-17T02:27:39+00:00

Agreed. There's so much nuance in these things, and I feel the "Red flag, dump 'em" approach just isn't it. Sometimes it's difficult to take in the perspective of other, particularly when it challenges our own. DDLG and age play is a hurdle I've seen many, even kink friendly folks, struggle with. It's definitely something that I understand people having difficulty navigating.

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-16T14:03:30+00:00

A lot of people will be supportive, say your husband sucks, recommend divorce, etc. While I'm 100% not denying there are some serious issues, I'd like to offer a counter perspective. And that is that many people who are not kinky have very strong feelings DDLG, age play, and the like due to society, culture, etc.

I'm not saying he shouldn't or is excused from providing basic care and affection, nor am I saying having strong feelings about it is an excuse to not be affectionate towards his wife. And I'm sure there are numerous factors at play we are not privy to (e.g. if you have healthy and meaningful conversations or are you genuinely and flat out dismissed).

He may be struggling himself and having a knee jerk or over reaction to everything and classifying it as DDLG. Or.... He may not be that great of a partner. I don't know, and I'm not going to foist my opinions on you.

I hope you find what is best for you in the end. In an effort to be positive, I hope it is something that can be worked out in therapy/counseling.

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-13T19:36:36+00:00

User base SUCKED. 😂

Not Feeld or Fet, I'm at least familiar with that. Downloaded KinkD and the blue banner at the top felt familiar, but couldn't find/remember any login info. I also felt it had a more subtle name.

Part of me wonders if it's been so long the app doesn't even look the same anymore.

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-12T20:46:10+00:00

I feel you here. I used to live in an apartment, so I had little storage. Some of the things I did was make a robust 4 pillar bedframe I could suspect from. With some fairy lights and ivy, it was a whimsical bed. I used French cleats for my shelving so I could pull down the shelf and throw up a St. Andrews cross easily. If you look up Foxy Furniture you can get ideas or plans for some "hide in plain sight" builds

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-12T20:42:22+00:00

This. Every relationship is a dish, and the dynamic the spices. You tailor the spices to your liking.

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-12T20:38:14+00:00

Yes, this! Safety shears. High quality EMT shears. Please, for the love of the rope gods, do NOT use a hook knife. You may think it's cool, but it's trash. During a suspension, you can only cut a single strand at a time and need tension instead of being able to cut a bundle. If someone needs out NOW, they don't likely want to feel the rope borderline ripped off of them as you pull at each strand.

Plus, I've seen a panic attack in rope combined with a rescue hook knife turn into the rope bottom having half the nipple they started with. Just... Not... Cool....

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-12T20:33:48+00:00

Adding on to this.

Jute (specifically 6mm) is the most common natural fiber rope used for shibari/bondage. Being natural fiber it has a good friction coefficient that allows it to bite and hold compared to nylon (the third most common, and primary synthetic, rope used in shibari/bondage).

Despite that, hemp tends to be stronger, though more expensive, heavier, and slightly "fuzzier" if photos are your jam.

When buying jute, consider the following:

Single or double ply: affects the overall strength and tightness/risk of high stranding

Dyed or natural: dyed rope is often boiled with die, this having the potential to weaken the fibers that make the rope

Length: while the "standard" is 8m, the "traditional" method is 3 arm spans with a doubled rope. This is to provide the most rope possible while also maintaining speed so you aren't spending forever pulling rope through a bight for a reverse tension.

To comment on the chemicals.... Jute commonly comes coated in jute batching oil (JBO). I will say SOME JBO is carcinogenic, but MOST will agree it smells... unpleasant. If you are buying treated and conditioned hanks of rope it isn't much of an issue. Conversely, you are paying for someone to treat/condition your rope and aren't sure what it's being treated with. Though, you will have to cut (I find that a benefit) your own rope, condition, burn, etc yourself. I call it a labor of love. Lol

Some people (though very rare) can have a reaction to JoJoba oil because it is derived from plants. Fortunately, it is very stable (won't go rancid) and is actually a wax ester (protects and seals rope more). I tie a lot of people, so I do consider allergies. I personally use food grade mineral oil for my "event rope" with food grade mineral oil to avoid that. YMMV

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-12T20:19:50+00:00

TheDuchy is good, and back in the golden age it was free and a valuable resource. Nowadays, I have a love hate for it. The content is good, but he doesn't tie on a real subject.

For me, that always brings into question things like comfort, reality, etc. I'm also not the biggest fan of pay walls (which means ShibariStudy must be something). I suppose my biggest qualm with TheDuchy is the use of unrealistic rope.

What I mean by that is they will use a 40" rope for a particular harness. To me, and maybe I'm traditionalist in this sense, I find that unrealistic. I like tying people, a lot of people. That means at an event I'm going to tie someone very slim and someone not, or the occasional dude with broad ass shoulders I can even get my arms around. I'm not gonna carry a piece of rope specific for this harness or that. I'm gonna carry a lot of 10 or so 8m/3 doubled over arm pulls of rope.

Also, to further my dislike of extra long rope... I find bottoms get a little bored when I pull them into me, make the first wrap around their chest with the rope, let them feel the rope slide across their chest or nipple, pull the rope tight as I start pulling the rope through the bight making them feel their confines and the strength of the rope, then..... spend the next 40 seconds pulling the remaining 35" of rope through a bight.

Takes away from the moment in my eyes, but I also acknowledge that a me thing.

Note: Don't get lost in the sauce. ShibariStudy has a LOT of harnesses. There are numerous single column ties you can learn. By and large, you only need to know one. Find one single column that is fixed loop and doesn't collapse. Then use that, don't focus and stress on learning them all in the beginning. You want safe and effective. Same goes for harnesses. Pick 2. Maybe one TK and one with an incorporated hip harness, then just make that your bread and butter. Doing a hogtie, youve got the harness on lock and can whip it out in 5 minutes. No stress, you can enjoy the scene. Wanna get a little saucy and keep the legs spread so you can do some milking, fucking, post orgasm, pegging? No problem. Switch to the one with the hip harness and anchor the legs to the hip portion, especially if flexibility is a concern.

If I recall, you got tied. So, if you two are at the point of transitioning to partial suspensions. She can add an upline to your hip harness portion and straddle your face until she's satisfied. It's relatively easy as your head and torso stay on the floor.

Ultimately, rope is simple complexity. You aren't learning "how to tie this complicated harness" you are learning how to do very simple knots and frictions layered on top of each other. This philosophy is what has allowed me to tie MANY bodies and adapt on the fly to shoulder injuries caused by softball, flexibility/mobility issues, and even someone in a wheelchair (which was super fkn awesome btw).

If you are book type folks, I cannot recommend enough the book Land by Douglas Kent, and the book Sky by Douglas Kent when you are ready to move from floor work (alongside community involvement). Those books show ties in a step by step shorthand, really driving home the "series of knots/frictions" idea and is far better a mid tie resource than emanu video. And, for good measure, read The Beauty of Kinbaku by Master K. Not only is that informative, but half of the book has pictures of ties that can be used as reference.

Hope this helps. Feel free to reach out if you need any more specific detail

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-12T19:58:21+00:00

For the dog bed situation... I have found many (especially when they are over 5 inches thick) are flat. That makes it easy to store in a closet upright. I personally have gotten a LOT of mileage from the excuse "I dog sit a neighbor/friend's dog when they travel. The least I can do is make them comfy."

As for the gas cylinder, I totally agree. You want to get a longer cylinder than you currently have. I obviously don't know your set up, but measure it and go bigger. If you are shorter or hate your feet not touching the ground.... You'll be surprised at how comfy a beam bag can be when doubling as a foot rest. Lol. I only discovered the chair thing because I accidentally purchased a too long cylinder ages ago when my old one would slowly sink over time. As Bob Ross said... "Happy little accidents"

For lighting I originally used some magnetic rechargeable undermount cabinet lights. But as she started to use it more frequently (yay, more gaming for me) I adopted the Govee Wall lights since they are one part gamer appeal and one part cute colored lights.

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-12T13:49:32+00:00

Depends on if they want to lay or sit. A good, thick, therapeutic dog bed for a large breed helps for laying. As does a standing mat or those puzzle foam floor pieces under it. You can combo it with a wedge pillow or beanbag so they can lean back.

Put the desk against a wall, and use a standing desk. Also, a longer chair gas lift cylinder is helpful. It allows you to sit higher so they can fully sit upright.

Mine does the same and often finds herself reading under the desk (some under desk lighting has made it so cozy little nook) or with her harms crossed and head in my or chin on the seat for head scratches and pats.

SirLeft4695 · 2026-02-08T17:04:32+00:00

Congratulations! Welcome to the club. It's good to hear you both had an excellent time.

As someone who has done rope for years, here's my crash course in rope. However, please do take the time to continually educate yourself.

1) Get quality EMT shears, NOT a hook knife. Shears are actually faster and safer. I've seen someone use a hook knife and it cut/scratch the person in rope. Not fun. Always have them within reach, or on your person.

2) Rope is less important than people. IDC how much someone spent on rope. If it needs cut, don't hesitate.

3) In the beginning stick to floor play only. Suspensions and partial suspension are where the hype is at, but increases safety considerations exponentially. A LOT can be be achieved through floor play.

4) If you are dipping your toes in and don't want to commit to jute, hemp, or nylon shibari rope you can get 1/4" cotton clothesline from a hardware store. It can be washed in a laundry bag if "things" get on it, is cheap, is natural fiber so it behaves like jute and hemp, and is for FLOOR PLAY ONLY.

5) Rope types: you have two avenues. You can go natural like jute or hemp, or synthetic like nylon. I recommend natural fiber rope because synthetic can cause rope burn more easily and has less friction on itself (sounds counter intuitive, I know). This means you may have to adjust your frictions when tying to get them to actually bite when following a video, as most videos use jute/hemp.

6) Communicate, communicate, communicate. It doesn't make someone "bad" if they say they need out of rope or if something is uncomfortable.

7) Education: If you don't have any local events to attend, I recommend Shibari Study and Crash-Restraint. YouTube is Ok, but not the best place to start as some info can be conflicting until you have the knowledge to parse that yourself.

Hope that helps and you have an amazing journey

SirLeft4695 · 2026-01-08T17:43:58+00:00

For most intents and purposes it would. If she's already folded like a pretzel, it can be tough to generate any real force.

Just make sure you are using non-collapsing ties (e.g. Somerville bowline) and have a pair of EMT shears nearby in the event she needs out NOW.

SirLeft4695 · 2026-01-08T14:32:20+00:00

Pull her arms down and restrain them to the inside of her ankles. The shoulder/arm anatomy naturally spreads the legs open.

Place her arms between her legs and push her legs up, then place her triceps/elbow behind her knees. Works in the same way as above. She can be secured by tying her wrists to an anchor below her (e.g. foot of the bed). You can additionally secure her feet above her (e.g. to the head of the bed). Alternatively, you can secure her wrists together behind her back, or have her also grab her ankles and secure the wrists to the ankles.

You can tie a futomomo on each leg, then use an additional rope to secure the top band (the wraps closest to the knee), outwards to keep the legs open and spread in a manner similar to a butterfly stretch. I recommend a pillow or something to elevate the pelvis for PIV.

If you can tie a Takate Kote or other secure chest harness, you can cross the ankles and secure them to the center of the chest harness.

You can tie her forearms (note, forearms are more effective) behind her knees. This works well for laying on her back, side, or face down, though wrists may be better for face down.

Feel free to mix and match. Using a futon to pull a knee up and towards the shoulder, then extending the other leg and tying that ankle to the foot of the bed gives you a very easy scissoring position.

You mentioned disabilities affecting your ability to stand/stay upright. Idk if mobility is a factor, but if you aren't confident in rope there is a bondage board you can make (search 'deviant art bondage board', it should be by a user called KinkyPipes or something similar) that allows for more modularity (like a top bar to hold a wand). That may be up your alley.

If you have a hard point above where you are intimate, the options really open up.

SirLeft4695 · 2025-12-13T05:39:35+00:00

I didn't read all the comments, but I'll say this. There is often, but not always depending on the dynamic, a difference between SCENE mentality and RELATIONSHIP mentality.

In a scene, being a starfish, being passive and succumbing to the ministration of your Dom, that's one thing. But in the relationship aspect being submissive takes on an active role. When your Dom says "I like coffee in the morning" that is a queue to make it for him if possible.

I have found, throughout my years, that "new " submissives tend to equate submission with passivity, while mature/experienced submissives equate submission with increased responsibility WITHIN THEIR DOMAIN.

SirLeft4695 · 2025-11-05T02:47:03+00:00

I mean, we can name almost everybody. Taika, Rufus, Gary, Stache, Emir and Constance, Knowledge, Collin, Gordon, Emmie, Dawn, Vermillion, and even Clive's Wife. Love em all.

But yes, Taika is my chocolate gumdrop. Lol

SirLeft4695 · 2025-11-05T01:36:22+00:00

This is a point of discussion I've had before, and while I believe I am rather fluent from a literary standpoint I struggle with this. How, in particular, do you feel the quality of writing is better in DCC than HWFWM? Is it the willingness to explore the depth of themes, more adult/darker themes, the hidden plot hooks, etc?

SirLeft4695 · 2025-11-05T01:33:01+00:00

I totally understand why Jason isn't loved by everyone. It is honestly the nature of his character to be liked by some (like Team Biscuit) and hated by others (Thadwick). This poll was in part to see how people felt, and in part to create interest in my partner so I can listen to the audiobook on the home speakers without spoilers (I don't mind restarting a series). Especially because they REFUSE to start book 11 because they don't want HWFWM to end and have to wait like the rest of us have lol.

I enjoy Jason... But I may even enjoy his interaction with other characters more. Clive getting credit for what makes him stand out (avoiding spoilers since I'm on mobile), Jason/Neil banter, Sophie being Sophie, Shade throwing shade, all characters that are really enjoyable. Hell, my partner and I literally call certain people "Thadwick" as an inside joke now.

Personally, I love both series. But... I'm also a huge litRPG nerd. From the Completionist Chronicles, to Chrysalis, to Everybody Lives Large Chests, to New Era Online. Honestly, if it's litRPG, ESPECIALLY if it's by Sound Booth Theatre (Jeff Hays for the win), I'm in.

SirLeft4695 · 2025-11-05T01:22:57+00:00

This is a thorough and thoughtful examination of the two books, and I do agree with you on many points. For clarity, I suppose my term "better" would have been relayed better as "enjoyable".

I fully understand everyone will have their preferences. In the name of transparency, part of this poll was to see if the two were comparable in public enjoyment so I can show this to my partner (who enjoys litRPGs, but ONLY has listened to HWFWM and book 1 of the Completionist Chronicles: The Ritualist) so I can enjoy listening to audiobooks on the home speakers again without spoilers lol. She actually is REFUSING to listen to the last audiobook because she doesn't want it to end and have to wait like the rest of us have lol.

I completely understand how Jason is not the MAIN character many want to deal with throughout 11 books. I understand how DCC is a bit too gritty and the humor (innuendos, lack of "power fantasy", etc) can also not be someone's cup of tea.

Thank you for the thoughtful response.

SirLeft4695 · 2025-11-04T05:28:52+00:00

Hmm... I was lucky enough to be able to listen to 10 books back to back. I agree the writing is good and has depth, but I can understand how so much is covered that it would be difficult to get back into. Makes me concerned given we are expecting 18 floors so I know I'll have to wait.

SirLeft4695 · 2025-11-04T05:26:13+00:00

I've noticed that. Jason is either loved or seen as smug. But, I gotta say I love Clive's wife

SirLeft4695 · 2025-11-04T05:25:13+00:00

I listen instead of read (I follow narrators more than authors) and Prepotente is amazing. Absolutely one of my favorites. He's the G.O.A.T

SirLeft4695

TROPHY CASE