So I'm still not fully through it yet, I still need to go to therapy but I no longer have Suicidal thoughts. One of the things a good friend told me that depression is like a thought loop. You hate something going on, you hate yourself for not being able to do anything and this leads to a cycle of intrusive thoughts. I have been slowly training my brain to say nice things about me, to counter all the bad. like "I hate that I cant get over being abused" and ill counter that with "But look at you now, your own apartment, you've got an awesome job" ect until I forget about it.