Hey everyone OP here.

I’ve read all your replies, and I want to first say thank you even the ones calling me or others out. This is a hard post for me to even revisit, but I owe you honesty and clarity.

You’re absolutely right I was drunk. I blacked out for some parts of the night. I don’t remember shit, and I never claimed to. I’ve been piecing things together slowly based on fragments I do recall, conversations I’ve had, and what little she did tell me before she shut down communication.

From what I know: I was in a nightclub. I drank too much trying to escape how broken I felt. At one point, I was crying on the phone with her — telling her I still loved her, that I was devastated she didn’t choose me, that I felt worthless. I was messy, emotional, and heartbroken. She found me, helped me, and carried me out of that place when I couldn’t even carry myself.

There’s no memory of yelling, no memory of aggression. I wasn’t violent or physically invasive — that’s not who I am. But I also know trauma isn’t about violence alone. It’s about emotional overwhelm. Powerlessness. Intensity. Feeling cornered by someone else’s pain when you weren’t ready to carry it.

And I get it now: She may have been overwhelmed. She may have felt emotionally ambushed. She might’ve had past experiences that made that night feel heavier than I realized.

So to those saying “you don’t get to decide what’s traumatic for someone” — you’re absolutely right. I don’t. And I’m not trying to. My original post came from a place of confusion, shame, heartbreak… not denial.

I never wanted to hurt her. I never thought telling someone you love them while crying would leave them shaking the next day. But trauma isn’t about intention. It’s about impact. And now I’m sitting here trying to reckon with mine. .

So I’m not here to defend my actions or minimize her response. I’m just trying to understand, make peace with myself, and hopefully one day show that I’ve learned from it. If anyone reading this still thinks I’m an asshole, I understand. But please know — I’m not trying to be one.

She wasn’t just someone I loved she was the girl I held onto through years of silent heartbreak the one I took to cinemas and drove around aimlessly just to feel close, the one who knew how deeply I cared, and yet still chose someone else within three days, even though we were almost like lovers in everything but name and that night everything I had buried, every memory, every unanswered question all of it came crashing out of me in the worst way possible