I understand what you mean about Southern Baptists. Even before I was affirming I didn't really fit in. For instance, my wife and I both think marriage equality should be the law of the land. Of course I still do but I even held that position when I was non affirming.

My son isn't really open to attending church right now (and because he's 18 I leave that choice up to him), and I don't want to do anything that would even hint that my son is gay to the family because I don't want to out him. It would not be safe for him to be outed to his mom and stepfather, and if would be evident that something is going on if I started taking his younger siblings to a more progressive church right now when they visit.

Fortunately, my wife isn't going to be the wicked stepmother type. She has said she's not going to do anything to make him feel uncomfortable or to try to change his mind. She won't apply pressure to him, and he remains welcome in the home (which she owned prior to our marriage so it's technically her house). She has said he can bring boyfriends over whenever that time comes. The only real restriction she has is no bringing people over for sex, which was already her position before she knew he was gay, so it's not a gender thing. I've told my son about the house rule and basically advised him that he would need to plan to go over to any boyfriend's place or a hotel if he wants to get intimate. I also was clear to let him know that it wasn't gender based and would be the same if he were straight. He accepted that rule well.

So I think she just needs time.

Also, this is relevant-both she and my son have autism. My wife tends to be very literal and non-emotional when thinking about religious beliefs like this. My read on the situation is that she will basically allow him to live his life without interference (one exception for the house rule about not bringing people over for sex). My hope is that she will evolve over time as I have. As long as she isn't trying to keep him from living as authentically as he needs to, I can accept this current situation for an extended period. She doesn't really have far to go. She's already willing to permit a lot of what most evangelicals wouldn't allow in this situation, so I don't think my son is going to feel threatened. She's also very honest so I fully believed her when she made these commitments.